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My aunt was placed in a nursing home 2weeks ago. They told me, she has CHS. What kind of ailment is this? I've not heard of this B4. She is 93 and has shown some beginning stages of dementia, some confusion. A far away look at times during conversations. On days, she will be as sharp as a tack. Some days not. Noticed some mumbled speech, when tired.
Deep aniexty attack's sets in when daughter comes to the home. Shows fear in eyes and will cry. Suspect elder abuse is happening. Lack of prescribed meds not being administerd. Emotional and mental threats have been made by daughter, in front of other family members that are present when visiting with her.

A concerned and loving niece.

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SB:

When my Dad died of prostate cancer in 1997 here in NYC, dozens of greedy humanoid vultures went out of their way to make sure no one else fed on the carcass. My Puerto Rican biological mother, the epitome of the Welfare Queen whom I had not seen since the age of 4 (I was 37), showed up at my door demanding 1/2 of everything for all the "suffering" she went through. A social parasite all her life, she took advantage of my Dad back in the early 50s because he didn't have a green card. A few years and four children later, they parted ways -- she went back to PR with my sisters and he took me to Brazil. They never married, and she refused to provide him with the documentation needed to list the three girls on his will because "they didn't need anything from him and she didn't need a man to survive". Put simply, she's entitled to nothing.

On paper, I own it all. But the farmland is actually one huge collective that belongs to everyone and where the elders play key roles. Cunda, my grandmother, will be 104 this September and she's the only mother I've really known. We've lived on the same land for 126 years and nothing is to be sold but passed on from one generation to the next. Elders, especially the women, are cared for and never used, humiliated, or isolated. In fact, they are the glue that holds the family together. We honor them because they keep our traditions alive, guide us, and care for the children when everyone else is working the fields. Most of them have been born, grown up, and died on the land. ... And we wouldn't want it any other way.

Here in the States, it amazes me how easily sons and daughters can discard and feed on the very same people who guided their first steps. Sometimes they unnecessarily lock them away in nursing homes because they don't want to be inconvenienced, and can't wait for them to keel over so they can stake claim to the worldly possessions they leave behind. Their love for their elderly parents seems to have a price tag on it, and to me that's betrayal of the worst kind.

But what goes around comes around, and I'm sure they'll eventually get what they deserve for having a heart of stone and being so selfish. In the meantime, all we can do is pray for them and hope they see the light -- whatever light that is as long as it appeals to their conscience and sense of morality.

-- ED
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Ed,

Thank you for your comments. The daughter, and granddaughter have stopped all communication from reaching their mother/grandmother. No notification to other family members is allowed. It is very sad to see what extent people will do, for their own personal gains. When there are other family members who truly cared about her health and mental status. May the Lord have mercy on their souls.

S-
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SB:

I hope my definition of CHS is the correct one. Medical jargon is "liquid" and some acronyms, over time, either mutate or stand for something else. If I missed the boat completely, my apologies.

-- ED
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SB:

CHS or CHF? Doesn't matter. I'll explain both:

CHF stands for CONGESTIVE HEART FAILURE. Blood doesn't circulate efficiently throughout the body because the heart isn't pumping at full capacity. Life threatening? Absolutely.

CHS, if I'm not mistaken, stands for COMPREHENSIVE HORMONE SUPPLEMENTATION. Have you ever heard people in their 40s say "I'm not a Spring chicken anymore" or "I can 'get down,' the problem is getting back up"? That's because about 15% of the hormones that regulate the metabolic processes in our bodies have been depleted. In plain English, you slow down as the symptoms of aging accelerate.

In my book, CHS it's an anti-aging treatment designed to cheat nature by restoring your hormone levels to those of a 20-something-year old. It might replace depleted hormones, but it also depletes your bank account and/or milks your insurance as I'm sure it's not a one-time treatment. Your aunt might feel like a Spring chicken, but she won't look like one and will still be 93 after all is said and done. My question, then, is "Is this treatment really necessary?" Also, ask her doctor about alternatives that won't punch a hole in her piggy bank. ... In the meantime, surf the Net for anti-aging tips (anti-oxidants, eliminating drugs and alcohol, etc.).

Assuming your aunt is in fact being abused by her daughter, Sebring and Lynn made wonderful suggestions you should follow up on. What ticks me off is that family members remain "stuck on stupid" when people like this Dutchess of Discipline comes around. Apparently they fear her too because they either look the other way or side with the daughter and behave as if the poor woman deserves it. Then again, they probably love when the daughter visits because it gives them a chance to take a so-called "breather" and relinquish any type of responsibility when it comes to your aunt's safety and overall well-being.

Piggybacking on what Sebring suggested, see if you can arrange for an elder abuse investigator to do random spot checks. Elder abuse is elder abuse; it doesn't matter whom, it doesn't matter when, why, or where.

Thank you for caring SB.

-- ED
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If the daughter is abusive, the nursing home might be the best place for auntie to be. There is no changing the daughter so do what you must to protect the aunt - her physical safety is the first priority, second is her emotional well being - the mean daughter is LAST!!! If you suspect daughter is taking money, property or valuables, turn her in to the police and ask that someone from elder services or the area agency on aging get involved. They will work to ensure that all aunties assets are used to pay for her care before daughter gets a thing.
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contact senior services in your area, around my town they are very good at checking into these things.senior services, elder abuse hotlne.they get right on it..
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