My great aunt and great uncle live in an assisted living facility. My great uncle requires someone to help him get in and out of bed, use the bathroom, wheel him to the dining room, wound care, etc. My great aunt requires no assistance. She does help him do small things around their apartment, like adjust the wheelchair if he would like to watch TV, get him drinks and snacks, etc. This place does confuse me...assisted living, to me, is more like what my great aunt requires. But there are multiple residents in this facility that primarily use wheelchairs. There are aides, med techs, and nurses to care for the residents. So to the question of "are you confused about what assisted living is" the answer is that this place seems to do both, but on the same floor, so it's rather confusing. Often, the med techs and aides get upset with my great aunt. Recently, I witnessed an aide get angry that my great aunt wouldn't fetch the smaller oxygen tank my great uncle uses when he goes to the dining hall (it was hooked up to a larger machine and we didn't know how to get it off.) The situation escalated to an uncomfortable place. Last night, I was on the phone with my great aunt, and I heard an aide yell at her because she was "on the phone" when the aide wanted to speak to her (I'm guessing to tell her to fetch something) and to "get off the phone." A med tech has told my great aunt that she's supposed to be cleaning the area around my great uncle's catheter and that she doesn't "do ointments." My question is: what is a spouse's role when they live with someone who requires assistance? I have looked over the contract and spoken with the executive director about this, and there is nothing anywhere that my great aunt should be assisting the aides, cleaning wounds, or applying medications. But time and time again, employees seem to expect my great aunt to assist them with direct care. Is this an understood practice? Or are the employees overstepping?