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She has dementia, but she is not happy living with me, because she is alone by herself 40 hours a week, because I have to work.

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can she travel by herself? suggest the family as a whole who can take care of her. Maybe she misses her kids and wants to visit Grandson. Tell they boys, their mom is coming out for 2 weeks, can you handle it? She misses you.... and wants more time with grandson.

in the meantime, look for adult daycare places, places maybe she can volunteer somewhere. library has things gong on all the time. botanical gardens. voluteer at an animal shelter or school lunch programs.
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Antimoo1, lots of questions to start with I'm afraid!

How long has she been living with you?
Why was it decided that moving in with you was the best option?
Where is the other state where the boys are living? - and are they in the same other state, or in different ones?

Your sister is 64, which means that her dementia is early onset. As she is alone at home while you are out at work, she is presumably still in the first stages of Alzheimer's Disease; but the loneliness is not good for conserving her mental function (social stimulation helps it), and you also know that eventually she will not be safe left alone. Further down the line, even if you didn't have to work and didn't especially want your own life, it would still be very difficult for one person to manage the later stages of AD single-handed.

She has ?two boys, and a grandson. Have you and she talked to them about planning her care for the future? Are there other family members too who might have help or ideas to contribute?
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To be honest, her care is her sons responsibility. They don't have to do hands on care, but need to find a facility to care for her. Was the state her sons live in where she once resided? How long has she been with you? The problem is Medicaid. It doesn't go over state lines.
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worriedinCali Sep 26, 2019
her care is the OPs responsibility if the OP is her POA. Her sons aren’t responsible in that case.
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Antimoo 1
Your sister requires more care than you are able to provide. There is no shame in that.

As POA, you are obligated to get her the care she needs, not necessarily making her happy, but honoring reasonable preferences to live near other family. This provided they are willing to step up. And be there for her when her needs increase.

If you are POA, that role can be accomplished from a distance. Many caregivers on this forum have done that for years.

How do you feel about your sister moving?

Btw, the timing may be right to sign her up for new healthcare insurance at her new address, during the open enrollment starting Oct. 15th.
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Has her ‘boys’ or grandkids expressed an interest in having her move in with them or even being near to them? Do they work full time jobs or are the grandkids in school? If so, wouldn’t she be dealing with the same situation?

Is she capable of becoming involved in a senior community center for some companionships? Can you give us a little more information so we can answer your question better?

I empathize with your situation. I’m sorry that you are having difficulties with trying to care for mom. It’s hard not knowing what is best for her. You have taken the first step by reaching out for assistance from others. Best of luck to you.
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I need a little more information to consider options for your current situation. I do know many to most people with dementia always want to be somewhere else, often a childhood home that no longer exists. It's like they think if they could only relocate then the dementia would be cured.

Who has DPOA and HCPOA? How quickly is your sister's dementia progressing? What's your plan for when she cannot stay alone while you are working? Have you been looking for adult day care options? Is your niece encouraging your sister to relocate? How does your niece plan to care for her mother as the dementia advances.

At some point, your sister will need 24/7 monitoring and will not be able to stay alone; she will need AL or MC. Maybe relocating your sister closer to her daughter and grandchildren at that time would be more appropriate.
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