Follow
Share

I am currently the only caregiver to an 84 yr old gentleman, I am with him normally 3 days a week for approx 5/6 hrs on those days. I started working with him in Jan of this year right after his wife passed. (Jan 1st). Since that time I've noticed several changes. I do believe we are possibly dealing with early stages of dementia. With these changes, my days have slowly gone from three days a week to 4 to 5 to sometimes 7. He lives 47 minutes away so getting to him quickly isn't really an option not to mention I have a family with teenage children as well as a baby in the home. With no family to turn to on his side to ask for help, am finding it more and more difficult to care for him as is needed. I've exhausted all options as far as home care, assisted living,adult day care etc. These are not an option for him as he owns his own home and also makes just over the limit with is SS. As to be expected he adamantly refuses to speak of a nursing home. My question is what do I do when I'm not enough? I've been told to contact APS but ultimately if he refuses help from them their hands are ties as well. The situation has gotten to the point that he makes me feel guilty that cant stay with him. We've even has arguments about this. I feel like I'm at a point where I need to protect him but also myself. Has anyone been in this situation that could offer any advise?? It would be much appreciated !!

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Am I missing something here? It seems to me he needs to sell his home and live off the proceeds in assisted living until the money is gone. If there is no family there is no reason to try to retain his assets, they are there for his care. Even though APS cannot force him to move they could help him understand which options would work for his care needs.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Yes freqflyer unfortunately this is the conversation we have every other day, and I'm doing my best to limit it to the three days again. Yes he is definitely in mourning over his wife. She was in the home until she passed however she had in home care for several hours during the day as she had full on Alzheimer's. The caregivers that were there for her were doing most everything for him as well, but when she passed the care was gone and he does not qualify for in home services other than what I am already providing.
We have been to visit three different community living facilities yet he cant afford this option. The only thing he can really still do for himself is hygiene. he is unable to cook and clean due to his posture which has him almost completely "bent over" so at this time I do it all, cooking, cleaning, laundry, groceries, transportation, bills etc.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

rayarismom, I suggest you work the hours you were first hired to work, and no more. Return to the 3 days a week... remember, you are an employee, not his daughter. If he argues with you about that, just tell him "sorry, I cannot possibly do that" and just say that over and over when he asks.

The poor fellow is probably still in mourning since it has only been January when his wife passed on... was the wife living at home or was she in a nursing home? Do you have a sense that she did most of the work around the house or did he help out? Can he do things for himself, like the laundry, the cooking, the bill paying?

He might need to bite the bullet and move to a retirement community where he would be around people of his own age group, where he can start bonding with new people and make some friends.

Maybe he isn't aware that today's retirement communities are so vastly different from what he thinks they are. Maybe set up a lunch at one of these places and take him there, telling him they are offering free lunches today, so let's go see what it is all about. Who knows, he might like the place :)
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

No I don't work for an agency. I have been in private home health for a while but this is the first time I wasn't hired by family. This gentleman was actually a patient at my sister in-laws medical office. She knew he needed help and asked if I could. That is how the situation came about. My pay it worked out through insurance which is a set amount of 100.00$ a week... (I'm not there for the money). My days increased because I simply cant just not check on him when I know hes not having a good day. Believe me if it was as simple as going to my boss Id have done that long ago.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Who hired you and is paying you? Who increased your days? It sounds like maybe there is someone in charge of the situation?

I would think you would only have to worry about your shift since you are paid help.. or how it should be anyway..
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.