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This last visit, my sister's hospice nurse spent most of the time talking about her marriage problems and she wants to leave her husband. And that a former patient of hers is now a friend and has the good retirement pay as a former military officer (hint, hint). She has said she would be here one day and not shown up, without contacting us, then shown up unexpectedly. Several times I have asked her to let us know she's coming, in case my sister felt up to going somewhere for drive-thru food. She just shows up, saying she knew it would be ok, as we are friends.

The chatter about personal life would thrill my dad when he was on home hospice. His world had become very small so hearing anything about the lives of others was exciting for him. He loved a good bit of gossip or just any conversation. The not showing up and assuming you’re friends is definitely unprofessional. Weigh the good vs the bad and decide if a change would be better
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Hospice nurses are whole different animals often enough, and they form VERY CLOSE relationships with their patients, often discussing very private issues that even families are not privy to in the patient's lives. My best friend is life long hospice RN, and now in management. Her relationships with her patients are, yes, something ELSE.
If your Mom is in hospice care now, and loves her nurse, then guess what? This is going just as it is supposed to. It is comfort care, and comforting to your Mom.
Hospice almost never is able to give you an exact schedule. It operates other.
If you have concerns, why not discuss them with your Mom's hospice nurse. I would, however, not override your MOM"S WISHES on this.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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invsbl Apr 30, 2021
It's not just personal chatter, which I agree with you on; it's depressing, and she also mentions other patients, which is a big no-no. I did speak to another nurse who came in when the regular one was gone picking up her son from prison. She understood my concern and not wanting to interfere with her daughter's oversight. She said she would mention it tactfully. My SISTER isn't exactly thinking clearly, and when I get anxious is when the nurse forgets to reorder meds, lies and says she doesn't know why they aren't delivered, then I find out they were rushed because the med delivery didn't get notified until an hour ago. It's not a matter of just overriding my sister's wishes..it's paramount that she gets her pain meds, cough suppressant, depression meds. She should not be hearing her nurses depression.
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My mom would ADORE this kind of care. She actually makes the mailman hand deliver her the mail everyday, even tho she is on a rural route and he doesn't get out of the truck. She wants to chat him up---and she'd keep him 15 minutes! If she's ever had in home PT or something, 90% of her time has been gossiping with the therapist.

As a hospice nurse, they do get pretty close to their patients. I wouldn't worry about it as long mom is getting the care she needs. The 'chatter' is just extra.

If mom or dad didn't WANT to 'chat', then the nurse should be intuitve enough to stay quiet.
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Reply to Midkid58
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My Visiting Nurses were encouraged to stay and talk to our clients if time permitted. They may have been the only person our client saw that day.

Now saying she would be there one day and showing up unannounced is a no no for me. Friends or not, she needs to call u within a certain length of time telling you of any changes. I think its 24 hours to set up a visit. I realize things happen and visits need to be changed but not calling is not professional. Since you have told her this several times, call and talk to her supervisor.

Personally, I do think her conversation was a little out there. And a friend? Dads nurse was not there often enough to be a friend. And when he passed, don't think Mom ever heard from her again. Maybe a follow up from the office but not from the nurse. They just go to the next client.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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invsbl Apr 30, 2021
No, they are not friends, really. But my sister isn't a great judge of character. I think it was just the nurse's excuse to say whatever. I talked to my niece, and she boils it down to my sister like her, no harm done. I don't want to step on her toes. I'm being nice, but not entering in at such discussions, calling hospice office to order meds when my sister's nurse fails to
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I don't think it's appropriate for her to be talking about her marriage problems, but otherwise, if she's doing the work she's supposed to be doing, I guess she's OK if your sister likes her. (I'd ask for another nurse myself, but that's just me.)

My main concern is her not showing up when she says she's going to. That IS a problem, and if it's inconveniencing you as your sister's caregiver, then that needs to be straightened out.
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Reply to MJ1929
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You having to order meds is another no no. This is the Nurses job and she is not doing it. The family is not suppose to be involved with any ordering of anything. Hope you are getting the supplies she needs and Medicare pays for.
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