What and how to say goodbye to my brother-in-law in hospice?

You should tell him "it's okay to go" (because many who are terminal actually need a verbal sayso). Then tell him how much you love him. Hold his hand.

Just BE THERE. If he can talk, or not, follow his lead.

I think it depends if they are alert & verbal or just sometimes awake. If alwrt i would share memories of good times and reassure them that you will look after those left behind. My mom was really out of it but in my heart I knew she could hear me. The morning she died i asked 2 things of her. If she could hold on until the priest and my brother arrived. Once they arrived i layed with her, along with many other family members, held her and told her thank you and that we would all be ok and I would take care of my father and that it was ok to go. She would see jesus, her parents and her sisters and that she would be able to walk and talk again. Within 5 mins she just slowly stopped breathing. It was the best that I had hoped and prayed for. I personally think that those who are passing need to hear it is ok to go from a certain person. Sharing memories, making physical contact and making assurances that those left behind are the most important things you can do. If they chose to talk about dying then follow their lead. Hoping for a peaceful passing 🙏

Such a sad question, especially at this time of year. Two random comments from when my dad died, for what they are worth.

1. At one point, when my dad was unconscious, I said to him, you did everything you were supposed to, we're proud of you, you can go whenever you want. Later that night, he went into a coma and died the next day. I like to think he was waiting to hear that affirmation and felt OK leaving after that.
2. Apparently hearing is the last sense to go. So don't whisper around the person, talk about them to others in the room. Just try and be as "normal" as possible, if that is possible. :)

Sending healing thoughts to everyone dealing with loss/impending loss during the holiday season.

Let the poor man die without knowing. Why ask this question put yourself in his place.