What have you tried to "communicate" with your aging parent with dementia?

Well, redefine a normal conversation. We constantly change our relationships. And as far as my mom is concerned, we do what she CAN do and that is living in the now. As long as she is not suffering and is content, I feel good about it. I let a lot of things she is stubborn about go--- yet I don't give up concerning some hygiene like taking a shower once a week ( or two) and brushing teeth at least every 24 hrs. I have learned little behavioral techniques that work. For now, she can draw pictures a little bit and she can feel the emotions of love when I'm making her something for her. She enjoys me laughing and telling her stories of what she did and how she lived. Since I am also an RN, I have my nursing cap on. It's about her process and what works the best. This is one of the most challenging yet rewarding experiences I've had.

My Husband of 92 is whom I'm caring for.
When he gets depressed saying he's stupid because he can't do or remember something, I tell him, he can't help it. We both agree it's the dementia and neither like it. So, by talking about it, makes the problem come more into perspective.

At different times, we cared for both my mother and my husband's aunt in our home and via daily visits to the rehab facilities and hospitals they went to. They both had memory issues but their outlooks were completely opposite--one angry and mean, the other patient and appreciative. When one had hallucinations ["See all the cute little lizards up on the ceiling!" or "Can't you see that aura (aurora borealis) out there in the sky?] I would not try to correct their perceptions, but rather validated them: "No, I can't see them/it, but I'm glad you can" or "I'm glad they're so cute!" When I had to explain something again and again, I was always totally patient. When one was balky about medical necessities, we put it to her in terms of "You need to work at this physical therapy stuff so that you can leave this hospital and come home to live with us" or . . . "so we can take you on that Alaskan Cruise you have always wanted to do!" (and we did). When one had been hysterical because she believed the "General Hospital" misbehavior she saw on the TV was a window into what was really happening out in the hall, I calmed her by showing that the TV could be turned off and the hallway was unchanged. I never criticized, but always sought for truthful ways to reassure and to accept their perceptions in a constructive manner. We felt it was more important to establish positive relationships in the present rather than to insist on correcting distorted memories of the past, and it was a good experience for us all.

It is a waste of time to try to convince an elder of something that is factually correct! They just can't absorb it...rather their brain cannot. My late mother's neighbor believed soap operas were real life!

My dementia Husband ---- turned on the History Channel for on World War II. First of all there were maaaany commercials. He told me he couldn't tell what part was the history being told/shown and what the parts were the commercials. So, I just turned it off. Right, Llamalover, their brain cannot "get it".

I, also, use hand signals with my words to better communicate with him. Like the signals we teach dogs. It's helped me a lot in the communication department.

My uncle is seeing animals, mostly cats and dogs. He becomes very agitated around the same time of the evening. We have been to doctor and they have given him Lorazapam to ease the anxiety that he feels. I believe that it has a lot to do with his vision, because he is visually impaired. Any suggestions that can help. He has been able to live on his own until this started. He is staying with my mom at this time as we try to get this figured out.

Sheila16, was your uncle a veterinarian or worked with animals earlier in life? I ask because my Hubby was in Law Enforcement in his life. So, his words include phrases from there.

Cheyenne: So true! You may as well be talking to the wall!