What has been helpful to you in overcoming anxiety or depression in caregiving?

Emotional distancing . Seeing the person you care for as not the person they once were or that they will never be the dream parent you never had.
doing the care out of your own love and not requiring any thanks ( that they can’t give) often they fight you because they deny they are older and not as capable.
Always prioritize taking breaks for yourself. Seriously you can’t deplete yourself and People with illnesses often pull you under with them .especially remember you are not trained as a nurse or doctor . If the work gets too hard - have a plan before it gets to that point . Search for allies- aging program resources, churches, volunteer services, meals in wheels and hospice.

I've been caring for my mom and living with her for the last 5+ years and in the past year she has started a downward spiral. Her dementia has progressed a lot and she is so much less with us. It's so hard and sad and depressing every time she takes another little step downward.

I find that what helps me is acceptance. To just accept her condition as it is, as the new normal. I really try not to think of her as she used to be, and deal with things as they are now.

I also find that I need to talk about my experiences: such as a crazy messy code brown and how I dealt with it, or the time Mom used my braid as a rope to pull herself up when I was changing her. Not many people want to hear about that stuff! But my partner who lives here with me listens and that support is what I need. He also helps take care of me by doing all kinds of household chores and doing things for me. He's not hands on with my mom, but his taking care of me is keeping me going.

This forum is another place where people listen and understand and are very supportive. It has really helped me feel less anxious, and I've also gotten so much practical advice. I think knowing what you're doing and feeling competent at it, even when times are depressing, helps with anxiety. At least it does for me.

What you guys say is so relatable!

I struggle with anxiety and depression and in this years-long stressful quagmire I do make sure to exercise, grab moments of fun no matter how small, etc…etc…and it is a constant conscious effort . I still feel barely afloat .

Promised myself an electric assist beach cruiser bike when this was over, then developed dizziness. Hormone based for sure but I also know it’s from years of caregiver stress. I said to myself, right, that’s more than enough sacrifices ….to hecka with it….so yesterday I ordered the bike! One can pick colors for the bike so I set out to make it look like a duck. This was the best self created problem ever. Spent some evening free time looking up mallards and playing with colors.

Not the most fiscally responsible move but if I’m dizzy I can still run some errands with panache. I figure how bad can the day be overall if I’m riding a duck bike. First thing I’m going to do with it is ride to the store, buy flowers, a bottle of wine, and a baguette, and stick it in the front basket for the ride home.

My future vision was riding a beach cruiser around a village but with the stress related issues I’m keeping my promise early.

So yes fresh air and a bike that looks like a duck is my depression/ anxiety strategy!

The short answer is:

* Do not try to push these feelings away, rather invite them in. Feel through them . . . process through them which is with awareness and acceptance. Then, they move, transform, relax, know you are there listening to them (and they thank you by easing up). ... or get on medication (too).

* It is the resistance, numbing out that adds fuel to that fire.

* Give yourself breaks. Real breaks. Sit down. Turn the music on (or not), get comfortable and sit with all your feelings - without judging them.

* Get up and out - M O V E

* Be self-compassionate. Talk to yourself as if you were your own loving, unconditional loving mother (or father). You need to be your own best friend.

* Every moment is different... nothing that worked 10 minutes or 10 days ago may work (to relieve stressors/mood change) now. Be present in the moment and know it is within YOU to heal.

I am doing this myself. Anxiety and depression, separate, mixed together is challenging to say the least. Know that each moment is an opportunity for HOPE and ACTION. Even non-action is often the 'best' action. Sit quietly. Breathe.

Personally, I 'see' that many of my responses / feelings have to do with resisting WHAT IS and not feeling the GRIEF that is lurking / stirring inside. Be with it is what I try to do ... as much as I feel exhausted and sad / grief stricken. Humbling myself to life and 'what is' ... being in the moment ... knowing when i need support and get it (from within and from others) ... all this makes a difference.

FIND pleasure in little things. I am very fortunate in that nature illuminates my being - trees, wood, earth colors... that beauty is ecstasy to me. Find these moments - these jewels that bring a sense of calm and beauty to your inner world.

Gena / Touch Matters

Exercise, meditation and CBD..............sticking to a regular schedule of eating and sleeping, and obtaining an education on this website.

Ativan,,, when my Dr learned my folks were moving in, she said "girl you are going to need this",, and sometimes I did! Not always,, but just having it was a blessing

Need: After my caregiving ended, I sought short term psychiatric help with short term medication. Not only did I have to care for my mother out of state, but I also had to plan her funeral and market/sell her home. There was a point where I just shut down physically and emotionally after people came back to her home and my DD took over making coffee and pastries. The moral of the story is that no one is perfect. My Dear Daughter found this forum for me while I was an active caregiver!

Get involved with a caregiver support group. In person if possible. Also, take time for whatever brings you comfort. For me it is music, dogs, and soft blankets

I am a very rational person, and can be surprised by alternately my lack of emotions, or intensely excessive emotions. This during the roller coaster of mom's dementia, which we are grateful to see ending with her passing last week ( yes - of course its sad, but all of us are at peace, and can begin to heal after 18 months of mourning, guilt and helplessness).

To help my rational self deal with my irrational emotions, I wrote this little poem (which I posted elsewhere in this site). I keep copies in various places...

Feelings Are Facts.
Just let them Be.
Observe them & Respect them.
They have their own Cadence.

Please feel free to keep it, use it and share it!

***** Best wishes to all of you, dear wonderful people, you have been a great help to me during these past 18 months of the dementia journey. Thank you ****

Sorry Need,
I didn't see your reply. Things have been crazy here.
We went to my friend's salon/spa. Various places have them. I really did find it relaxing!
I also live for a hot bubble bath. I light candles and our exhaust fan is also a bluetooth thing where you can play music so I like to listen to music.

Time and time again, we see postings about siblings that don’t help the primary caregiver. This is sad but I think it’s helpful to let the negative emotions regarding this matter go.

We can’t ever change anyone else’s behavior. We can focus on getting additional help when needed. That is more important than trying to receive help from siblings who may or may not be able to help and choose not to do so.