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I have tried for at least the last two years to get my two brothers together and talk about Durable Power of Attorney. I have even called an attorney to get info on the DPOA. I was told Mother has to be there along with us to assign who she wants as POA. I wanted to get this accomplished while she was still lucid. Now
I am pretty sure it is too late. She has really declined and if we did meet with an attorney.... at this point in time...(IF we could even get her out the door to go), he'd realize she's not in her right mind to make any decisions. I always thought of this end of life decision as something to be shared and talked over with each other. We get along and live close to each other. But, being the female, it's all left up to me. If she goes into a nursing home they would probably want to know who is responsible for her....we'd have no legal paperwork.....and it ain't gonna be me.

Like others on here, I have sleep problems, depression. It's taken over my life.

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Most elderly even in early phase dementia can " show dog" to get the DPOA done if they are still somewhat still competent & cognitive. If so, then family have to do whatever in advance to have mom looking as together as possible.....beauty shoppe visit the day before, dressed nice, clean & bathed. Have the appointment set for whatever time of day, she is best at. If the atty is coming to the house, get it tidy & uncluttered & have the bathroom clean. We had to deal with this with my mil & she had a window of "nice" that was maybe an hour or hr & 1/2 at best & before lunch.

Remember that you will need witnesses for documents. If you are doing this at a law office, they have staff that do this. If doing at home, you need to have a couple of folks to be witnesses who are not family for this. Neighbors or church friends who are retired are who I'd ask. Also if they are still living in your childhood home, there are probably old high school alums of yours in the 'hood that will come over to do this as they are dealing with this exact issue. Good luck.
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If you do not get a durable POA covering financial and healthcare, done while you can still get it done, then you won't have authority to do almost anything in the future without getting the guardianship. You can't pay bills, close off a utility account, sign for a nursing home, redirect her social security check to an account you can pay her bills from, get information from a doctor or a dentist by calling his office. Since she has not been legally declared incompetent by any doctor or neuropsych exam or combined formal statement from children, there is no paper trail, she will likely be able to sign if you can talk her into going to her lawyer to sign papers after he drafts them up. So if she is feisty she may yet be able to understand the advantages to her to get this done. "I need this to pay your bills for you" or "I need this in case you are sick and I want to talk with your doctor" or "I need this in case you want help go on the computer and arrange business for you". Even though you see her decline mentally, the outside world may not yet agree that she is so obviously incompetent she does not know what she is doing. If she is that far gone, you are already forced into the role of guardianship. Actually, G/C have a lot more power over a person. They can meter out the money and tell them surprising things such as they can't buy a new pair of pajamas and many more controlling/ bossy choices if they choose to. A POA is supposed to carry on legal work or business on behalf of the individual, but you are supposed to be doing what the individual wants to do or would have wanted you to do. This advantage to your Mom is still worth a try. Do it soon, and on a good day.
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My mother has a live in boy friend he's 90 and she is 86. Before he moved in I was made the POA my 3 brothers and I are afraid that she may have changed her Trusted without telling us. Her dementia has been getting worst and I have been paiding all the bill for her.
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Right. You may have terrible memory, but know that you want your adult child to handle your affairs when you can't. If she hasn't been found incompetent, then I see no reason she can't still designate her DPOA. Usually, a Notary is required, but that's pretty simple. If it's not possible, you can find out the other options. If you don't want to do it, then I would find someone who would. The court can appoint someone they have from a list of approved people. I would get the details secured now and not wait until there is a crisis and it's on a weekend and you need immediate help.
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Do you have a family attorney that knows your family? If so, and one of you, with the agreement of the others, will agree to be POA, then that person should call your family attorney. Tell him/her that mom wants whoever to be DPOA and whoever to be healthcare POA. And when can she come in to sign the paperwork?

Do not miss that I said "with everyone's agreement." When ALL F YOU get there with mom, after giving her a heads up just before, you lead the conversation with the attorney. "Mom, ATTY X put the paperwork together for your powers of attorney. Tom's healthcare. Bob's financial. Sign here."

See if it flies. You have nothing to lose, in my opinion, as long as you and your brothers are her only inheritors. If the atty calls you on it, you are in the perfect position to ask what else can be done. And then do it. Probably guardianship.

People can be dementia'd and still have a sense right-then-right-there what's going on. Just because they forget ten minutes later doesn't mean they don't know what they want.

I'm not an attorney.
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