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I just can't do this! My mother is mean and we fight several times a day. I can't say anything or do anything right. Everyday since I came she has tried to throw me out of the house. My sister can't take care of her and I'm all shes got but she has never been nice to me and I have to admit I do not want this burden at all.

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Mean or not its our MOM and u have a connection that we dontveven understand!!!
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Its called codependency.. Even when there mean or not you get use to it and adapt then it becomes u and consumes u.. my mom has been gonna for 30 days and i havent done anything. Its crazy shes being well taken care of and i feel like im still doing it!!!
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I totally feel your pain...I too have a "mean mom" who seems to get "meaner" with age...and more confused. Every day I wake up and tell myself, today I will be the adult...the bigger person....and within 5 minutes of talking, we are battling.

There are no good answers except to make you the priority. Mom has had the opportunity to retire, enjoy life once the house was empty, spend time with her grand and even great grandchildren. This is your time to live a live.....take it! Enjoy it! I realize this seems easier said than done....but we all choose our paths...and we must choose to do the best for ourselves first, then help those who need us. Otherwise, we will not survive....and we will turn into our mothers with age. I personally don't want this scenario to happen with me or my children...so I strive to care for me first now. Good Luck!
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I don't think any of us "wanted" to become a caregiver even to parents we adored You don't want to put your life on hold.No shame in that.Some people aren't cut out for it (caregiving).You have a sister and there are many organizations who work with the families of the elderly.Contact them.They are there to help both the family and the elderly client find a solution.
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You start to live YOUR LIFE... ITS HARD BUT YOU HSVE TO REALIZE YOU FID THE BRST U CAN. GODBLESS
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I totally understand your frustrations. Do you have POA? If so can you get a court appointed legal guardian? I was faced with a similar situation. I was appointed Executrix for my parents estate as my father wished and have POA for my mom. My brother lives with her and works full time, has lived there for free and she has taken care of him his whole 41 years My mother is consumed with the well being of my brother. He works all different shifts so I had to leave my job and my family to be there in the wee hours of the morning, late evenings and weekends. I had no life, herniated my C-Spine and have cord injury from lifting her. I now have to have surgery. My marriage suffered, my children suffered and it nearly bankrupted me. I continued to be at ther beck and call, do all shopping, bills, doctor appts ect. We do have a caregiver, but only part-time (which only really be cited my brother) as she has plenty of money, but always worries about my brother who has more money invested than all of us put together.
I constantly listened to the fact that there needs to be enough money left to take care of my brother. Make sure you make your brother a dinner plate...ect. Before I got hurt I was doing all the housework, laundry, cooking ect. My goal while she was really I'll was to teach him to take care of himself. This caused nothing but arguments and resentment not to mention my exhaustion with an average of 4 hrs sleep a night. I also have Rhuematoid Arthritis and was in remission for almost 10 years. Well I had a relapse during all of this and trying to get well again.
I finally made the decision with the help of others and aging are,com to stop this madness. My moms condition has improved as she had brain surgery. She can walk again, her cognitive skills are back, but she still needs 24 hr care which she refuses to pay for. Wanted her bills and checkbook back and I honored that. What a mess now. Arguing with me and just won't listen. I made the decision to be removed from her will and give my share to my brother. I am giving him the POA as he is next in line. My sister lives in CA and she doesn't want it. I did this to remove myself from the constant emotional torment. I am so burned out and disgusted that I went totally against my father's wishes of equality for all his children and basically walked away in order to get my life back. The fact that she was so happy I did this for my brother was a kick in the face, but Now she will stop making me feel guilty. I of course, will never abandon my mother as she is my mom and no matter what I love her. I will sleep better at night knowing she doesn't resent that fact that I am hindering her son's inheritance. I took my life back and my health. I love my brother dearly but, enough was enough. I went over, above and beyond for them at my own expense. you need to think of yourself. Trust me your emotions will kill you! Take your life back. No matter how much you want to do the honorable thing and give love, you do not deserve to be treated that way by anyone!!!!!
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Do you have someplace else you can stay?

If it's impossible to sit down and talk with your mother about the situation, write a letter, after you make arrangements as Pam suggests.

Explain in terms that don't assign blame to either of you but that do address the situation so she can read between the lines and know that her behavior caused your departure.

There are some situations that can't be changed, so it's better to recognize it before you become ill trying to cope with unacceptable treatment.
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When you walk away, as long as you give notice to social services and your sisters, and you are NOT the POA, then things will be somebody else's problem. Even the closest of relationships are strained under caregiving. At least you tried.
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What health issues does mom have? I get arguments all the time. I know what my husband's health situation is and that I can expect it to change. If mom has dementia you might need to study up on how to deal with dementia patients. How you respond to them does make a difference. Watch videos by Teepa Snow.
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my mother soundly rejected help from her daughters too . theres nothing they could do but walk away . i think your mom is lashing out at the s*itty health card shes been dealt . maybe she'll act more civil when she realizes how helpless she will become in time ..
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