What happens to the caregiver once their loved one passes away?

All will go through an adjustment of "what now". Some will be sad and lost. Others will be relieved that all are at peace. Me, I hate to say will be glad when I can get on with my own life and not have to be relied upon. I am not a hands on caregiver, but I don't like being responsible for some of the needs of my eldely mother. I do it because she is my mother, but I hate feeling I am in a trap. Death will be my escape.

Wow, Stephan, thank you for saying that about my reply! Well, like I said grieving comes first then in MY case - it's just a wait &see thing - everyone's different.

I have a friend who tells me we are always learning something, mostly from our biggest challenges... then we look at each other and giggle that we have NO idea what we are learning right now, but surely when we look back on this time it will have been something very, very special.

It helps me to remember that whenever I'm feeling lost and like I don't know where I'm going or what the point is... In retrospect, when I think back on my biggest challenges, I really did learn a lot and set off in new and good directions that I never imagined at the time.

Right now, I'm just scared there won't be a new direction, then I think back and say... or course there will. I just don't know what it is yet.

I hope we all find something really good and look back on this transition as another of life's mysterious blessings.

It's so funny that this question was asked on the same day as my mother's passing. Right now I feel very lonely and thinking how do I get my life back on track.
I feel like I am starting a new life and deciding exactly what is it I want to do.
Pat

Mcmillian, so sorry for you loss. I would think grieving then realizing that you done the best you could for we r all human. Everyone grieves differently . I guess taking small steps toward living your life again. Do you still have any friends you can call n get out of the house or maybe a hobby you never got to do or a new career? Feel free to continue to come here for support or just sharing your own experience to help others. Sorry for your loss.

Hi Pat!! I'm so sorry, I can't imagine that feeling, my mother is 92 now, I feel I'm on count down time, I panic and cry feel guilty for yelling or loosing my patients with her. I try to be nice, and I fall back into the same patern.

I had to come back to mom 2010 to get neuro surgery for her. Had to give up my things and home. Move in and then rehab her at home. She recovered better than expected except she had basically no frontal lobe of her brain left. I rented another home. Visited weekly. Then my diabled dad died. I had to move in and take over. No other siblings would help. After 4 years of of working nights paying for sitter. Then taking care of her needs in the day with basically no sleep. I finnally am paying someonw to care for her 24/7 and am taking a break for as long as possible. I was resentful and Irritable. But now im depressed. I dont know who i am any more. Im no longer interested in the things i liked before. Other than work. I continue to stay inside.( One of the things i hated) feeling so traped. And continue to sleep on the couch in front of her room. Ive gotten used to it. IF ANY One can tell me what to do so i can have my life back... Or a life back... Please write . i happened on here by accident. But i will check for a reply. Thanks

dear nursing 19, you took your charge seriously and being a caregiver isn't easy. I've been caring for my mom for 6 years now. I have no brothers or sisters, so I don't resent anyone. Sounds like there is part of you asking if it is okay to have left her. Only you can answer that. When you start doing the work, it seems your friends leave you as you are never available. You have closed yourself off. But you do need to go out, even if you don't feel like it. Go to church and make friends. Those friends seem to stick with you longer. Eventually, you will find something to look forward to-and then do it! Do not talk yourself out of it. I pray you get yourself back.

Thankyou!