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I've posted here before about my dad getting angry and threatening violence - well, for a over a year now that's been fine. I got his meds adjusted and he's been really quite easy to deal with (as much as anyone with dementia can be). About a month ago he landed in the hospital with a chest infection and they put him on hospice, saying he had about 6 months. Well, he's been just fine, his stats are back where they should be and hospice says they'll probably discharge, but it might not be for another month or so. Anyway, the last 2 weeks he's been angry again and today he "kicked me out," which was his favorite thing to do the last time things went south. There have bee no med changes, but I'm fed up with it. I'm doing this all alone and it's been over 2 years. I'm in a house filled with cigarette smoke and I hate it. I'm seriously thinking about renting a little place and just moved me and the cats out. What if I tell hospice I'm done? I don't HAVE to be responsible, right? I mean, my siblings are all in the UK and do NOTHING. They don't even call him or even me! What if I didn't live in this country and there was no one to look after him? I just can't do it anymore. Will hospice step in and find a place to put him. I've tried to keep him at home for as long as possible, but at this point it's him or my mental health and frankly, he's never been a nice guy and has no quality of life, so I'm ready to call it in my favor.

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Thanks to those answering and those sharing their stories! I talked to a friend whose mom is on hospice. He lives with her and he goes to work in an office every day. He says hospice covers some time and they pay someone to cover some time, but there are a few hours a day she's alone and he's never heard that he could be in trouble because he has DPoA. In fact, their SW encourages him to get out more! I'm going to check with the lawyer who drew up the DPoA and today we're seeing the family doctor so I will report back. It's always been my understanding that a DPoA is for making decisions when the person can't and mine certainly reads like that - nothing in there about personal responsibility for safety! I think that the SW just heard DPoA and assumed my dad is completely incompetent, which he is not - yet! She didn't talk to him. I'm the one who knows what he's capable of and I wouldn't leave him if I didn't think it was safe. And I do check with the doctors on a regular basis to reevaluate. But yes, it's very scary to think I could be charged with neglect just because I'm trying to have a life in the middle of all this. My situation is really akin to one in which the family lives nearby, dad lives alone, but I spend 8 hours a day with him. What if I really did have a husband and kids instead of a long-term bf and dogs? It's so complicated!

Anyway, as I said, I'll post what I find out!
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Contact legal aid in your area or even the lawyer who drew up the papers. Contact Adult Protective Services and tell them your story. Next time he is in the hospital let them know you are physically unable to be a caregiver any longer.
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And a follow on question, please. Can you 'resign' a DPOA if things just get too crazy?
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I would really like to know the answer to pyrrhe's question too. I too am DPOA and while things are fine right now, I am very concerned about future liability I would be getting myself into as there is a great deal of dysfunction with certain individuals. Being falsely accused of all sorts of misdeeds is definitely possible and would not surprise me. I hope this is not a hijack of the thread, but it sounds like pyrrhe still has the question of responsibility and liability, and I do too. How does one help out an aging parent while protecting themself?
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I would do just what pamstegman said. Take the proper steps to have him placed and take it from there. Meanwhile I would seriously consider resigning your DPA if the things you were told are accurate.
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The behavior continued into Sunday (he barricaded himself in his room), but I got the neighbor to come over and he eventually calmed down and by later afternoon was apologetic. The SW came today and gave me lots of good info, but said that I really can't just leave because I have Durable Power of Attorney. Not only that, she dropped another bomb, and said I shouldn't leave him alone for more than 15 minutes because I could be held responsible if something happens BECAUSE I have DPA! I called his family doctor and his nurse said that this is true. We're going in to see the doctor tomorrow. I have a list of nursing homes to call. I could see getting his meds adjusted so he calms down, but I refuse to be here 24/7 and I can't really afford to pay someone long-term. I've basically been working from home 8-4 each day and then going to my boyfriend's for the evening and most nights I don't come home because, you know, he's been fine. But now I'm finding out that if something had happened to him during that time I could be legally responsible? Does anyone know anything about this? I mean, it makes sense since you can't leave a child alone, but I didn't realize when I signed the papers in 2008 for my mom and dad that it meant I could be held legally responsible. I thought it was just to oversee finances and made medical decisions if ever necessary.
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Yes Hospice will help him find placement. If you were to leave and not tell anyone, that would be neglect. You should not continue to suffer abuse, and explain what you have gone through and set a date that you will leave. Then go.
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pyrrhe, you need to talk to a social worker. Your hospice probably has one on their staff. You can tell him/her that you will no longer be able to be responsible for your father and see what they recommend. I hope that everything goes smoothly. Please let us know what happens, since many people reading here find themselves in the same boat.
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