What else can I do about my mother?

Can you please clarify a few things for us? You say that your mom throws you out of her home. Does that mean that you live with her or that you stop by after you get off work to take care of her needs?

If she has ALZ, shouldn’t she be in a facility instead of being alone unattended when you are at work? That alone would resolve the ‘aide’ situation of her throwing them out too.

Your mom may be too far along to be at home alone for any period of time and she is only going to get worse.

Stop speaking with your cousin or your sisters. They aren’t going to be able to resolve this issue. I am so sorry that you are struggling with this alone. I do understand how hard this is for you. I was a caregiver myself for a very long time to my mom.

I feel that the only people who are able to help you now is a social worker to help guide you in the right direction. Perhaps you could also speak to Council on Aging for suggestions. Or go straight to the source yourself, by contacting facilities and scheduling virtual or in person tours.

Is your mom able to pay for her placement? If not, look into Medicaid.

You deserve better for yourself. I understand that your mom is driving you crazy. You are very generous by trying to help her, so I believe that you care about her well being. If you wish to help her further, then I feel that you will find the best outcome for this situation, by placing your time and energy into finding the right facility for her needs.

People on this forum have experience in placement for their loved ones with ALZ. Please speak to them about any concerns. They will be happy to help you.

Wishing you peace as you navigate your way through this difficult time in your life. All the best to you and your mom.

You say, "My cousin tells me her way of being is generational." What on earth is your cousin even talking about with that statement???????? Your mother has dementia, that's why she's acting out & throwing you out of the house, etc. She should be living in a Memory Care ALF and paying others to put up with her tantrums and you should move out of her home asap. Once a crisis happens that forces her into the hospital, THEN you can get the ball rolling to have her placed in Memory Care when the hospital refuses to release her back home to live alone. Her house can be sold to finance her care in Assisted Living and that's that.

Trying to get home health won't help since you say she's throwing them out as well.

You can't save a person from herself, unfortunately. So the only thing you can 'do' is save YOURSELF.

Let the chips fall where they may once you do move out.

Good luck!

I guess my question to you would be, why in the world do you continue to go back to your moms house after she throws you out? Why is it that you feel you deserve the abuse from her? I can only guess that you have been tolerating it for years, but it's now time for a change. You deserve so much better!
Please move as ASAP, and get yourself some therapy for why you've allowed this behavior from your mom for so long. Then start living and enjoying your life. It's not too late.
Your sisters know better than to get involved with mom. I'm sure they learned that long ago. Now it's your time to learn that as well.
If you can't find help for your mom, then you will just have to call APS and report an adult that is compromised and shouldn't be living by herself. You can then wash your hands of her and let the government take over her care, as you owe your mom nothing, as in NOTHING!!!
Please start taking care of yourself, do what's best for you. Your mom will now have to lie in the bed that she has made.

What is it that would help?

For Mother to 'behave'?
To not have dementia?
To get help from your sisters?
To get help from others, anyone!
For the home help to be allowed in to do their thing?

Basically, to continue caregiving, but with less stress & more help?

Or for you to quit. Be done. Leave & live elsewhere?

The answer is simple. You work full time so move out. If it will make you feel better...wait for the next time she 'throws you out' and run.

From your profile: "I am caring for my mother Aura , who is 85 years old, living at home with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, and anxiety."

You are not sure what to do? I'd suggest you GET OUT of this situation. Why do YOU have to put up with this, when your sisters don't do anything? (Are there also brothers who don't do anything, or just sisters?)

How long have you lived with your mother? And why did you ever move in in the first place? Do you have POA/HCPOA?