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I’d like a break from my 88 yo mother. I have a woman come 3 days a week for 4 hours. It’s not a true break since I am working from home during that time. I’m considering getting someone to do the remaining days but what I’d really like to set aside money for is a true week long out of town vacation (wouldn’t everyone like to escape with these covid restrictions!). I’m not crazy about a stranger living in my house 24/7. Doesn’t seem like nursing homes are doing short term stays unless it’s for rehab. None are calling me back. What do people do when they have an emergency and need to leave home?

My dad is in respite care right now and contracted coronavirus, and not expected to live much longer. I would tell you to bring some people into the home ( people who will wear masks and take the virus seriously)
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Reply to LivingSouth
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Prayers sent.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Best thing for your mom is to have 24 7 care while you go on your Vacation.

She'll be less likely to catch Covid.

Usually they like doing a 12 hr shift and like 5 or 6 days with 1 or 2 off.

You can hire 4 people 5 will be doing 2 12 hr shifts Mon - Fri and the Other two will work 12 hrs ea Sat and Sun.

If I were you, I would keep the lady I have and hire a new lady for a few hrs a few days a week and that way when you decide to go on a vacation they won't be strangers.

You could also hire for a 24 hr or a weekend stay to give yourself a break.

You might even ask the lady that works for you if she would like to do an overnight or a weekend stay.

If you're worried about strangers in your home,, looking your bedroom door and install cameras in the home and you can watch them 24 7 from your cell phone.

I use Nest Cameras at my 96 yr old Dad's house who uses 24 7 Care.

So, that
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Reply to bevthegreat
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Assisted Living facilities offer rooms for rent for respite care.
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Reply to bolers1
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Until everybody can get 2 doses of a COVID-19 vaccine, respite in a facility most likely will not be available. Most LTC require new residents to get a COVID test and then quarantine for 2 weeks before they can "mix" with the rest of the population. During the entire time in LTC, family members have limited contact: window visits, porch visits, and virtual visits. So, your LO's respite time had better be for longer than 2 weeks to make it worth it.

Since you have understandable trust issues with "strangers" being in your home. Consider other options that can give you the breaks you crave/need. Limit caregivers to a handful that you can develop a relationship with and eventually trust. Have those caregivers on duty for a shift or 2 and get out of the house for a break: take walks, run errands. visit parks and outdoor recreation areas... every week. Eventually, you should feel confident in getting a weekend away, and maybe even a week.
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Reply to Taarna
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If you are working from home and don't have meetings on those days take the time for yourself and work later in the day. I typically have meetings in the AM so I take a few hours after and just work later - doesn't matter how I get the work done a long as it gets done, you don't have to stick to the 9-5 if other people are not dependent on it... also you can fake a headache once in a while - use it as a mental health ache and take the 4 hours for respite, no one needs to know. A therapist once said to me better to apologize than ask for permission. If your work is getting done it shouldn't be a problem, be creative use the time where you can catch it.
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Reply to Cascia
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I personally don't have an answer, but could you try calling, "a place for Mom". They might be able to help.
Do you know of anyone who knows your Mom and be willing to stay with her?
This is such a difficult time for everyone. I wish you good luck and peace.
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Reply to Chickie1
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We are up against this for April 2021 and I feel like we will end up having to hire 24 hour caregivers. SIL is primary caregiver and the entire family will be out of town for 4 days for a family wedding. FIL is not mobile enough to attend (on a beach and in a beach house with no elevator) and his house and a rehab facility are the only places outfitted for his needs (he can't even go to a hotel because so many adjustments have been made to his home to make it work for him-hospital beds, lifts, grab bars, toilets and he uses a scooter for practically everything). He is cognitively sound and we have asked him to look into his options but unfortunately he is also a true narcissist and can't believe that we are all going to his grandson's wedding. In fact he actually asked why we were all going and that he had no intention of going. I'm afraid we are just going to have to hire someone because he is making no move to look into his options. The one and only other time we hired someone overnight like that he fired them so I'm very concerned. But my hope is that deep down he recognizes he can't be there alone now and will at least let them stay.
Good luck in your search. I keep hoping by April the SNF here will be more opened up. But since we can't wait until then to make plans I think 24 hour assistance at home may be our only option.
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Reply to BlueEyedGirl94
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DWinHull Dec 8, 2020
That attitude sounds familiar. My mom lives in my house. We had to sell hers since she needs to be somewhere that has access to help 24 hrs. I have some work cut out for me — I feel like I’d have to prep my house and belongings if I was to allow someone to stay here 24/7. The extra bedroom is currently an office — and much needed when working from home. I agree that I’d try to take her with me and find a handicap accessible room for her but she isn’t as adventurous any more.
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I was just looking for respite care for my mom in Massachusetts. Almost all the AL facilities are still offering respite stays. Of course, they may require a quarantine-length of stay and allow no visitors except once a week through a window. They said respite residents would not be able to take part in group activities or meal times but staff would visit them multiple times a day with meals and activities selected for her or by her.

We haven’t ruled it out completely... main issue is mom doesn’t want to give up her pup and independence. We were looking for respite care because my dad was put in hospice quite unexpectedly... he went from seriously ill to terminal cancer diagnosis in just a couple weeks.
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DWinHull Dec 8, 2020
I’m still getting use to the abbreviations everyone uses. AL = assisted living? I think that is what I am finding. Seems like lots of AL facilities are reaching out to me for her to do a trial week long stay hoping she will move in permanently but she is truly not an AL candidate at this point. Considers herself wheelchair bound and needs waiting on. A NH in Charlton said they used to do minimum of one month stays, but covid has changed that.
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I'm sorry to say, but you're out of luck these days finding a nursing home who will take a respite stay patient. Nursing homes aren't doing that now. Would the caregiver you have who comes in three days a week be willing to stay with her in the home for a week if you made it worth her while? If not, then she very likely knows a caregiver who will pick up that week for you if the price is right. People who do this kind of work always know people who do this work and who are looking to pick up some work. Even if it's only a one-time thing.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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DWinHull Dec 8, 2020
Good idea. The woman I got was referred to me thru the senior center. She prefers only part time and has another client on the two days she does see my mom. But ... doesn’t hurt to ask and put out feelers for a connection.
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What about private pay for a short term stay in SNF? Get a nursing assessment. Maybe tell them you’re looking at a trial period for long term? What about day trips? & have the aide stay longer hrs for a day or two? Hugs 🤗
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DWinHull Dec 8, 2020
Yes! I may get some relationships going with agencies that only do the 8 to 12 hour days. Going for a hike would be great. Agencies prefer that you are consistent and have the same care schedule week to week. 8 hours or more is too much. My mother tires of it and ends up napping most of the day and I get annoyed that I’m paying $30 per hour for someone to be on their cell phone.
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I’ve tried getting respite care for my elderly mom with no luck either. Most of the ones near me are at the point they are not excepting new residents so really leaves everyone in a bind. I get it but not sure how much more I can personally handle on at home. Good luck in your search
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Reply to Maine127
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anniehall Dec 7, 2020
I'm so needing a break. I've been by mom's side since April and I'm exhausted. 9 months ...like being pregnant lol..
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I read in your profile that your mom has a broken hip.

Has she done rehab? If not, why not allow her to do rehab at a facility?

Have you spoken to her doctor about how her hip is healing?
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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DWinHull Dec 8, 2020
Yes, she did rehab for a few weeks after a week in the hospital. She definitely did not improve there. They had her in bed all day. I think they were hoping for a permanent resident $$. She’s done great with PT at home. Can walk with a walker and with huge assist can get down the front stairs. That said she normally spends all day in her wheelchair. Her choice. Not motivated to gain independence again (although to her friends she will say — they sold the house out from under me). The VNA nurses agree that she can’t go to assisted living. It’s me or a nursing home. I will get in-home care for as money and my tolerance of it allows. I’m not crazy about so many people in and out of the house. Makes more work for me sometimes.
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