I am the caregiver for my mother. I go everyday after work and make sure she is ok. I clean up after the dogs, do the yard work ( on 3/4 acre land), take her to her medical appointments, take her shopping, etc. I live with my boyfriend two houses away so I am always close, but she says I barely do anything and I don’t take her out enough (June was 10 Dr appointments and I took her other places). I also have a full time job with overtime and four grown children so my time is valuable to me. She talks horribly about my children who she chooses not to have a relationship with and criticizes and puts me down. It makes me feel like I’m crazy because I do a lot for her. My dad died two years ago and she is in a wheelchair so I feel very obligated to help her but these verbal attacks and insults are very depressing. I don’t charge her to take care of her but I’m wondering if she did have to pay someone what would it cost?

I will try all of these ideas. I understand she has had traumatic life events. 2013 my brother died at age 45, then July of 2015 she became paralyzed. My dad got leukemia and my oldest son committed suicide in August of 2015. My younger sister just had her second heart transplant and it’s miracle she survived. So I am the one who gave up my place to move in with my mom. I have my dad my word as he was dying that I would take care of her. It’s been a truly tough time not only physically but emotionally. Thank you all for the kind words. I really appreciate it
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Reply to reiley143

you should keep a journal of what work you have done. and how much time you spent.

July 20, 2018 raking leaves. 530p - 6p  30 minutes.

then show it to her. Im sure before long. it will be a long list.

will look more impressive on paper

and ask her one day, why are you so mean to me?? - I would repeat that everytime she said something hurtful
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Reply to wally003
reiley143 Jul 23, 2018
I love your response. I do keep a journal of everything I do. I have to keep telling myself that I do this because it’s the right thing to do. And I gave my dad my word. My taught me if you don’t have your word you have nothing. He was such a good man.
$20-$25/hour in my area
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Reply to jjariz

Reiley, in my area, a caregiver from a professional licensed Agency is $30/hour. The hourly rate depends on the going rate in your area.

Could Mom budget to have someone come in to mow the lawn? 3/4 of an acre is a lot of land to mow, edge, trim, etc. Any of the grown children interested in help with that?

Of course, there will come a time when one has to start limiting enabling an older person to remain in their own home. Otherwise you will be helping out 24 hours a day, thus quitting your job, and having zero time off.  If Mom has a lot of equity in her home, maybe she could budget for a hotel style assisted living, where Mom would be around people of her own age group. 

Your Mom isn't a happy camper. Take a few minutes a put yourself into her shoes. She is wheelchair bound so that limits where she goes.... like she can't hop in the car, and meet friends for lunch... the love of her life is gone, that isn't how she had planned her retirement.... depending on her age, her hearing could be fading along with her eyesight, and food doesn't taste like it did a decade ago. I know I would be snarly if I was in that condition.
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Reply to freqflyer

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