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Hi Everyone!
I dealt with my mother, who had named me with financial POA, medical/life POA, and will (but didn’t tell me - I found the documents, and thank heavens for that, made it possible to do what needed to be done!). I also tried with my sister, who never followed through creating needed docs, and died leaving an utter mess. So I have some experience and knowledge, BUT…

What do we need as married spouses with no children?

Do we need POAs for each other? I thought being married took care of mutual care decisions, but it seems from reading here it may not be sufficient. POAs for mutual and individual financial security? A way to force a spouse into care when it becomes necessary?

Of the next generation down (nieces and nephews), what sort of criteria would you look at for naming POAs from this age group? Some are really busy with children, or their own aging parents. How about third-party resources to handle our POAs in extreme situations? Any ideas on what to look for there?

Advanced directives? With what sort of info and statements?

Will… we have and plan to update.

I have found a local lawyer who specializes in elder care, so will be dealing with that lawyer when we are organized.

Thank you all! You have been enormously helpful in all the things I have dealt with so far with my parents and siblings.

We do have kids, but told them we don't expect them to provide care when we are old. We have informed our doctor that we want the other to have info on each other. We signed and submitted that document last year I think. We do not have a will, but our kids are beneficiaries of life insurance.
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Reply to JustAnon
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I’m also looking for advice on pre-protecting financial assets for different likely lifespans. If one spouse is in very poor health at a younger age, with - frankly - a shorter expected lifespan, and the other has a likely longer one… if there anything we should be doing to set up our finances (totally merged now) to make sure there is care for the one declining, yet security for the one likely to live decades longer?
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Reply to Goddatter
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Rosered6 Jan 2, 2026
I suggest that you consult a lawyer who concentrates or specializes in elder law and estate planning. I have a law degree and more knowledge about these areas than many lawyers and most people who are not lawyers, but I wouldn't provide the type of advice you're seeking and I wouldn't DIY it. These areas are too complicated for anyone other than lawyers with a lot of experience.
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You should get the guidance of an elder law attorney. Consider being each other's durable PoA, but then you will still need someone else named as back-up who is at least younger than you and your spouse to be your legal representative. If you don't figure this out before you need it, then you run the risk of becoming the ward of a court-ordered legal guardian.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Goddatter Jan 2, 2026
Thanks, Geaton. Can you recommend an elder law attorney? We live in the same area, so if you know one around here you like, I’d appreciate hearing about it. Private message is fine.

So we need to be each-other’s durable POA? That is the part I wasn’t sure of. Being married spouses doesn’t cover that need?
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Your local attorney may have suggestions for you. If you have an estate with assets, then you will want those divvied out as you direct upon your death. Your will will contain usually a "Springing POA" meaning, when you are unable to speak for yourself your wishes will be carried out by another. For husband and wife that is usually the first but the document, when done by a decent attorney always has a "second". If you have friends willing to serve in this capacity ask, but it is a job most people if they know all involved really won't want. The attorney may suggest a Licensed Fiduciary. They work with them in the court system all the time; these trained people are trained to take over when there's no family or when there is family who cannot serve or SHOULD not serve due to abuse issues.

Glad you will see an attorney and they will have options for you. If you meanwhile have a very close friend who would like to serve as "second" on POA if hubby unable, FOR you, or for your hubby if YOU are unable, that's an option if they agree. You would also be doing solid and good Advance Directives with your attorney with each of you acting for the other if the other cannot act, and which should also have a "second" listed.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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