My parents live in AL down in VA. They are originally from RI. Dad is only child, but my mom is oldest of 4. Her siblings all still live in RI. There is a family wedding coming up on Oct. 1. My aunt (my mom's youngest sister) asked if Mom was going to go. I said I don't think so--she can't fly by herself. My husband and I are going. But then I got to thinking--I live in NY and I could drive down and get her and bring her back to my place the week before the wedding, she could go to the wedding and see everyone she hasn't seen in like 6 yrs, but then I have to get her back to VA. As luck would have it, my sister is going down to VA Columbus Day and lives in MA. I ran this idea by her tonight, but she said our mom has absolutely no desire to go the wedding (it is her brother's daughter getting married) bc of something that happened 10 years ago. I think she should let bygones be bygones and go since time is marching on and we have no idea what tomorrow will bring. Seize the opportunity and see your family while you can! My sister thinks we can do that but it should be at another time--not Oct. 1 at the wedding. My mom was in the hospital in July for heart arythmia. It is better, but the trip may be too exhausting. Do you think I should ask if she would like to go?
If you take your Mom to the wedding, that would break her routine, and also break the routine for your Dad not having your Mom around for those days.
And let's not forget that covid is still among us. Even if Mom is boosted with her 3rd shot, she can still come down with it, but she wouldn't get sick enough to be put into a hospital, but still be quite sick at home, and she could pass it onto your Dad.
There are certain things that happen in families that I can understand the "let bygones be bygones" mentality... but there are other things that I think deserve a "I don't want to see that person anymore". Without getting into details, but I'm sure most of you are savvy enough to get my drift, there was an incident between my SIL and a cousin of hers many years ago that caused her to say "I do not ever want to see him again." And at my FIL's funeral, one of her IDIOT brothers (not my DH) tried to convince her to "let bygones be bygone, we're family", really trying to lay on a guilt trip ON TOP of her grief over losing her dad. I sent him packing with quite a tongue-lashing and told my SIL in no uncertain terms she was in NO WAY obliged to see, talk to or spend time with said cousin. That it was well within her rights to say: "keep him away from me" and no one had the right to try and talk her out of her position.
So, before you put before your mom the "let bygones be bygones, because life is short" I would make sure - if you don't already know the reason - you find out first WHY mom is feeling the way she is. That is, if she's willing to tell you.
But, if she's not restricted by her doc, and she's got no dementia or incontinence going on, ask her what SHE would like to do and go from there. I agree with you that life is short so all these old 'grudges' are just stupid! My DH's daughter is mad at us for something totally ridiculous and he told her "I do not want the next time you see us to be at our FUNERAL." Amen to that, right?
Wishing you the best of luck taking mom to this wedding if she chooses to go, and wishing YOU the best time if you wind up going alone. Either way, I hope it all works out well.
No reason to force her to do something she does not want to do.