What do you get your loved one for Christmas?

I was going to answer, but all my suggested gifts were already posed by everyone. Ma has been living with me for over 2 years and needs nothing. I quickly got on my emails to family and invited them to make a donation in her name to her adult day care she attends. I have no room even in her room for trinkets. Good luck everyone. MERRY CHRISTMAS.

My in laws have moved in with my BIL and SIL.. and so they give me the task of finding "flat bed pillows"! But I did it!! And they love candy so I found a HUGE box and wrapped that. Also some gift cards to restaurants. A bath gel for MIL as she now has a bath aide 3 x a week...Hubs is in charge of his dad, got him a dvd set on WW2 so far.
My mom moved in with us 2 years ago, and inherited our comforter, etc in her room. So for Chirstmas I had her pick out a new comforter set and some curtians. She said she will feel like she is sleeping in a hotel, she is thrilled! She kept refusing to do this, but now she is so happy she did. Hubs got her a dvd set of John Wayne movies, and some jigsaw puzzles ( they do them together)
Daughter is getting both Moms gift cards for mani pedis.. SIL take MIL for them and FIL gripes about the cost.. but I don;t blame SIL at all.. no one wants to do someone elses nails....more so if it;s not your own mother!

Ooooh ff about 24 hours if you're lucky!

Another thing I plan to get my Dad [94] is a small size 5x7 "white board" where he can jot down things he wants to tell me when he telephones me. One white board will be for his recliner, and another at his desk. I just wonder how long it will take him to misplace them :P

Meatjeanne I couldn't agree more. Mum has a myriad of 'friends' at the church. every week she makes donations which I think are steep. Twice yearly she makes donations that are more than I get for caring for her in a month. Once a year she gives twice that amount to unfortunate people abroad. Then we have the cakes ....oh Jude won't mind making 96 sausage rolls and two carrot cakes Jude can make 48 scones Jude can do this that and the other but she pays for the ingredients etc. She also pays for the church flowers three times a year.

Now she has been doing this for a long time so I have to wonder when apart from one person who takes her to church and brings her home - I really can't fault him (OK so we pay the petrol but he still doesn't have to do it) - that no-one - not the minister, not the other church members, not one of her friends has visited. Most don't even bother to phone less send a card and she wonders why they piss me off.

However they feel absolutely free to criticise and they will pick up the phone to tell me what I am doing wrong (and mention the p word (privilege). I just want to scream at them - put up or bloody shut up. there are over 100 members of that church if just one of them visited her once a month that would be once every 9 years and they can't even manage that - disgusted doesn't come close

When my Mom was alive we would get her things like warm socks, scarf for when we took her out, sweaters, fleece blanket, gloves, hat, pictures, a book about France (where she was from), cookies, small picture album with pictures of family, a small Christmas tree, hankies, purse size packages of kleenex, chocolates (she had an unending sweet tooth), new hair brush, emery boards, her favorite perfumed dusting powder, a small stuffed animal, nail polish (I did her nails once a week), hand cream, body lotions, nice soaps, picture puzzles that we would do with her. I would get smaller puzzles so we could do them in one sitting. If they like cards, dominoes or checkers then those are nice gifts also.

Mostly I think they like to have your company more than anything else. When my Mom no longer knew who I was I would just sit and hold her hand and talk about memories of my childhood.

If you have an IPod you can load it with holiday music or music your loved one will recognize.

Hope this helps.

You said they don't come and visit. If it is not too far for these people, tell them! How about a visit with your mom..... if she likes fruits or home made cakes or a special tea or whatever, let the people know. They can bring something small when they come for a visit. If mom is like my mom was, she really didn't need anything. Other than visits from family and friends.

If you have apple macs they have an app that will do that

I made a calendar using family photos--there are plenty of online sites where you can do that. My mother loved it and she got to see it every day, reminding her of her family.

My 91 year old Dad loves to listen to old music from back in the "good old days." We have bought him a broad range of CD's...anything from Johnny Cash to Frank Sinatra. And, the "Best of the '40's, '50's, 60's" He seems to really enjoy these because he can remember some of the lyrics.

Must have been typing when you made your post, frequentflyer. Where did you find the clock, if you don't mind?

Mum still enjoys reading, so we give her lots of books. She's going through some dental issues recently; she had a good laugh at the stainless steel straws we got for her at Christmas last year.

When my mom was in IL the lady a few doors away had a "clock" that said the date and day of the week. It looked like a regular clock with hands - not digital. The lady had it hanging out side her door and I know several residents, along with my mom, relied on it to keep track of the date/day. I'll do an online search for one - unless anyone here knows where I might find this?

This year I am getting my Dad one of those Day clocks there it points to what day it is. Dad can't keep track of the days which is understandable as each day seems like the same. I had to search for one of those Day clocks that didn't include a regular clock because 3 hands on the clock face would be confusing. Thankfully I found one :)

Cat thats not my grandma thats my Mum - I am 62 she's 93. I have to work incredibly hard to get her to do anything at all to be honest but I keep giving it a go and she will eventually play ball as it were (only because I keep nagging if not). I have learned well from her - I now know how to nag perfectly!

Janrus, good suggestions on the magazines. My father is fond of Farm and Ranch, Reminisce and Country - the stories bring back memories and the photos are soothing. Reiman Publications, which publishes these magazines, also promotes special books on similar series, such as homefront tales of how people adapted during WWII rationing, etc. They could be soooo creative!

ADCaregivers, well said, and so true. I would never consider even looking at a website when it is, as you write, "pimped", on a caregiving forum. EaseLiving even states she's engaging in a "bit of self promotion."

The terms of use are clear - no advertising.

Oh I fully could have guaranteed you were in an apartment Alice. There is not one jot of fragility in your writing - Id have still come and got ya though. No one should have to spend Xmas alone

Well in my case under garments we have lost/gained weight and our breast are not as perked .thats what we do ,also little through blankets or cookie/candy if not diabetic

OhJude: Thanks for your kind comments. I am not in a NH or LTC, I llve in an apartment, but I can understand the same thing is needed. We old people need visits. I did not deliberately "bribe" my granddaughters to come but afterwards it seemed to me that is what I did and I was glad because at least I saw them and the dear little ones. A visit is the BEST PRESENT anyone could have.

Jude, why has the local council stopped viewing holiday lights?

Your comment on making dough reminded me that years ago it was kind of popular to make cinnamon and spice ornaments for the trees. I think the flour was increased to make them stiffer; I don't remember what made them last longer.

But it's an opportunity for someone to select various holiday cookie cutters, punch them in the dough, put them on the sheet to bake and salivate from the aroma of the spices.

The thought of a 93 year old, or any older age person, hula hooping, is really amusing. Did you know, though, that it's considered a method of slimming one's waist?


Rosie, the photo idea sounds great. Did you know it's an adaptation from a quilting technique? Over a decade ago one of my quilting friends began making quilts for her family from photos provided to her. The photos are scanned into a computer, enlarged and/or tweaked (if you have software such as Photoshop or maybe even Corel Draw was used then), then printed on special fabric which is then used for the quilting squares.

I see that the concept has spread to a commercial entity, which makes it a lot easier for someone who's not a quilter, and doesn't have the time or equipment to make photo squares.


I think the idea of soft fluffy fleecy blankets is a good one for tactile stimulation; it's not the same as petting a dog, but the warmth is comforting, soothing and relaxing.

I'm copying and saving some of these messages; the ideas are so inventive.

I visit my husband in a dementia care facility every day. I take little gifts but nothing seems to really matter. Lately I try to go see him after all my business and chores are done so I am calm. Then I can give the gift of time to really listen without being rushed or thinking about what else I should be doing. That is what he most enjoys and It is really good for both of us! Every human seems to respond to quality time. So just sit back, relax, ask questions or give prompts and enjoy listening to whatever the other person says. In this busy world it is the greatest gift.

I got an early pressy of a very soft fleecy blanket, so Ma can snuggle under it. It seems to also help with her aggressive moments.
Certainly no ornaments, they get tossed into the rubbish bin. And I am putting together a few old photos that I found so that the staff of the R.H. Dementia unit can understand who and what she was now she is back in her teens. She has no idea who all those people are in the photos that are in her room and they get tossed behind the wardrobe. I love the desire for the hula hoop, thanks for the giggle OhJude

Oh Jude your gram sounds like a fun lady my husband.is much more laid back I can't get him to play anything he is way to adult pee poo eat sleep oh ya TV that's it when he was in hospital he would be tossed a ball and he handy it back every thing baby in his mind was not fun he never read so a book was anot a gift a neck pillow he liked that and even the hospital did they said they where ordering them for the others on his floor his was bright red and he took it everywhere as if he fell asleep his neck was supported he has a very long neck he had are clinging wheel chair that too he loved when we got home I had a reg wheel chair and got him a 0 gravit lawn chair that folds about $70 dollors he loves it also a power scooter set at low speed he liked that too gave his independent he is watched closly as he is missing an eye and has and unuseable right side with nno voice but he is happy with his little things I did buy him one toy only because he had a radio controlled plane before his illness a radio controlled car that he put on his TV I think gifts are hard to give unless you real know the person well best to give a gift card to the person who cares for the loved one and let them pick

although my mum gets loads of clothes each xmas, i take out the oldest ones & donate them to the nursing home for someone who is in need of them, i get a musical xmas card each year which allways make her smile, also a porcelain mug along with a photo of herself when she was younger on it, on her birthday another 1 with passport photo`s of her daughters or grandchildren, along with the names as she can no longer remember them, that way the care home knows which mug my mum drinks out each time, i remove them each year before the next 1 goes in. sometimes it is only these little things that matter most.

Rosie I have ordered one of those blankets - I am just so glad you posted - I didn't even know they existed

Alice - let me be the first (possibly) to wish you a very Merry and joyous Christmas and shame on your kids is all I can say. If I lived in the states I would come and get you to share our Christmas . It would be quite fun if we put a CCTV outside your door so if they did come they would wonder where the hell you were!!!! better than watching repeats on telly!!!!!

Seriously you need to tell your children what you just told us.... that you expect and need to see them and their children. it doesn't have to be every week but certainly once a month would be the right thing to do. However I have to say - and I am only speaking for me now you understand, that if I had to bribe them then I just wouldn't bother BUT I would also administer the punishment posthumously and leave everything to a donkey sanctuary!

Bless you Alice xxx

PS Don't forget to treat yourself to some simple things... Egg nog, glass of wine after mom is tucked in... You deserve it!!!

As simple as this may seem, my mother loves her hot water bottle (Walgreens and it's guaranteed for life if you need to exchange it for any reason). This is especially good for her because she lives with me and I can put warm-hot water in it and give it to her at bedtime and then take it in the morning). She sleeps so much better with it as it has a kind of heat that lasts a long time (I even use one at times). I think women get especially cold. This year I'm going to fill a stocking for her (with little fun/practical things... Maybe a little happy ornament... Even put a potatoe or something in it just for the fun of it to see their expression). Walgreens also makes a 'Brag Book' which is a nice size 4x6 which is easy to handle and she loves to bring her pictures out and show them... And, we do a nice simple Christmas meal... And, invite anyone over that wants to join us. Merry Christmas everyone and many Blessings to you!

EaseLiving
I think your post would have been appropriate if you had not pimped your online store. All too often stores aimed at this target segment have outrageous mark-ups on items that can purchased from Amazon or other sources much cheaper. I perceive that such niche are designed to take advantage of older person's worries and anxieties.
I could promote my dementia care business on this website. But I don't because the posters know so much more about caregiving than I do. I learn an enormous amount from this site; often other posters give me insight and solutions that I would never come up with in a million years. Of course, I offer my experience in my postings, but it is only one of the many experienced persons who contribute.

As a 92 year old, you hit the nail on the head with your comments about visiting. I have often wished there were some way to get this message across. It is no use weeping at my funeral when I weep because I do not see my loved ones and their babies. It would be the nicest present.. I tried a bit of "bribery". I am not mobile enough to get out to shop,, but I bought some cute children's clothes on line. Then I let my granddaughters know I had gifts for their children "next time I see them". Soon they were lining up to come and visit mel That lasted a couple of weeks, in spite of many protestations that they would come "more often". I know they are busy moms but I will not always be here!