What do you get your loved one for Christmas?

Crazycatdude58 - I understand. I finally was able to convince my Mom to let me (and now my brother) to help her with her checkbook. She was constantly making adding/subtracting mistakes in the register then using a bottle of white out to cover it over, then not waiting long enough for it to dry before writing over the white out. Ugh, what a mess. The register pages would then stick together, etc. After my Dad died 8 years ago, I convinced her to put me on her checking/savings account as a joint account holder "just in case" I told her something happens to her and I need to write out checks for her bills. She was okay with this at the time because SHE was still writing the checks. Then after a few years and several mistakes later, I'd tell her "It's hard for you to see the small writing on the check Mom, why don't you let me write out the check for you and then you can sign it?" So then I got her to do that gradually. See where I'm going here? I did it in a non-threatening, non-judgmental way -- just matter of fact.

Now I've trained my brother (who lives with her) to do the check writing/register as I'm not over there every day. She only has 3 or 4 utility bills to pay a month but she insists on paying them the day they come in the mail. So unless I know/remember what day the bills come, I'd have to be over there daily and I just mentally cannot do it. So I periodically reconcile the bank statements to the checkbook register and so far, so good. This also gives my brother the practice in writing checks because that's what he's going to be doing once our mother passes and he has to move into a senior apartment (she wants the house sold) and finally become responsible for himself.

She's been a major control freak all her life and me and my sister managed to get married and out of the house, but my brother? Nada. He's lived at home all his life and my parents always told him all his life (he's now 65 years old) how he couldn't do things right, so he proved them right and didn't do anything for himself. My 86-year old mother is STILL doing his laundry! I don't know what he's going to do when she's gone -- live in his own filth? I've told him you have GOT to learn how to do your own laundry, clean a house properly, etc. etc. They have a cleaning service come in twice a month because he can't/won't be bothered to push a vacuum cleaner around the house or mop the kitchen floor or clean a bathroom. He's never scrubbed out a sink, cleaned a toilet or dusted a shelf. Good Lord. He is in for a rude awakening.

Jude, your Snowman project reminded me of one that I did last year for my Grandies. I used cotton wool, plus white yarn,to create snoballs, the kids could throw in the house, when we didn't have any snow outside during our winters, which is about 98% of the time. They Loved them, stored in a little plaid drawstring bag, with a iron on snowflake applique on the front. But I Loved the picture blanket ROSIE created for her LO, and now you too, found the site and have also ordered one, cool, this thread is really giving us all some great ideas for Christmas fun!

Help my um is 93 but she has mixed dementia which, in her, manifests itself seemingly when it thinks it will. Some days she seems perfectly normal, other days and even part days, totally gaga. Some days she can get upstairs with help some days she can't get out of bed without help. some days she eats like a pig and others like today she refuses all attempts at feeding. her memory, especially short term is fairly shot but she can reminisce quite well about the war days. I do think that will always be prominent with her given that our city was heavily bombed during the war because it is a port. I do have to pick my days to do things with her - sometimes she is totally unwilling but as I live with her thats not too much of a problem.

I get through her potions and lotions at an alarming rate. As I have said before I massage her whole body every day, she has a foot spa every night. It soon whittles down the stash that people give us...so much so she has actually asked for them this year but as I told people don't buy the cheap stuff just because she won't know the difference ...I will know the difference and my memory aint short! I might add I said that to someone I know is an utter scrooge. last year she gave Mum bath salts - we haven't a bath in our house and when I looked at the pack which did look old it said 1/10 now that won't mean much to you but in your money thats about 13 cents. We haven't used that style of currency since 15 February 1971 and I thought my Mum hoarded!

Reno, I like your Bird feeder idea! I have both a bird feeder, and a hummingbird feeder outside the back sliding glass door, and I Love to watch the birds, and I'm just 55! We get all sorts and types of birds, lately the Stellar Jays, and the Woodpeckers! Of course, the Squirrels have a go at the feeder too! My dog loves to watch them too!
oh Jude, that's terrible, that your Mum has donated so much to that church, yet receives next to nothing in return. Perhaps you should stop sending out her mail to them, and then see if that peeks their interest? Hmmm, sorry, that wasn't very Christian of me, now was it but really?

A gift certificate for 1-800-GOT-JUNK.

Great ideas, calenders and prepaid cards for those ever loving catalog shoppers! I'm in the WAY TOO MUCH STUFF group, and we (hubby and I), have sworn off buying any more, until we clear out all of this STUFF! I was born in 1960, not the Depression, so I don't know how I picked up this collector bug! That is definitely going to be My NEW YEARS RESOLUTION, to clear it out, especially if I ever wish to move to a Condo! Maybe this should be our next THREAD Question, What are your CAREGIVERS NEW YEAR RESOLUTION For 2016?

Oh Jude, your mention of the REGIFTED Bath salts, reminded me of this one time we had a White Elephant gift exchange at a family party, a few years ago, and I wrapped up and brought a gift that I had been given 25+ years before,actually a gift given to my FIRST husband and I for a Wedding present. It was a ceramic Cow Soup Urn, still in it's original box, HIDIOUS! So anyways, the gag gift exchange takes place, and the recipient of My gift ended up going to THE ORIGINAL GIFT GIVERS, as the Wedding Card to my first hubby and I was tucked into the box, and came out, when she opened the box! OMG, I was So EMBARRASED, but then she turned around and said that SHE LOVED IT, and it would go nicely in her Country Kitchen Decor, So all was right in the world! Lol!

Wow Staceyb, I just had to laugh at that White Elephant gift situation. I was born in 1959 and I, too, am trying to donate, donate, donate. My parents taught me never to throw anything away as "you may need it someday" or "it's still good". Yowza! So therefore, my house is very cluttered. As you said, I am committed to clearing out starting in 2016 (or actually starting now so I can get some donation tax deductions -- smile).

My regifting story: At my wedding shower 34 years ago, one of my Great Aunts gave me one of those electric hamburger cookers (something popular in the 1970's) and she, too, left the original gift tag in it from her grandchild. "Merry Christmas, Aunt Vinnie!" it said. She never realized she left it in there and I never mentioned it to her. I just laughed about it when I got home and promptly and graciously thanked her for her lovely "gift". LOL

ohJude, I'm assuming you're from the UK as you refer to your Mom as "Mum" (lovely, by the way) and you talk about bombing in the war. Thanks for your response. When a person reaches 93 years of age, I think you will find that any given day is a "new day" ups and downs. My mother-in-law is almost 90 and some days she is totally "with it" and some days she's talking nuts. I think that once the true deep dementia sets in, she will "settle down". I've noticed this with my mother-in-law. She is slowing down more and more. I know she's confused and some days she just tells me that "it's so hard to die". It is a process that we will all eventually face and each time I see her and my own 86-year old dementia laden Mom, I truly try to be as compassionate as I can, talking with them gently and easing their fears. Sigh....

Well, perhaps this has been suggested already, but my children are putting together an album with pictures of my husband when he was in the military. They are making a shadow box and inside it are placing medals and pictures. When in Vietnam he was shot down, but escaped without injury to the Hewey helicopter. The bullet hole in the window barely missed his head. And I am making a picture album showing military days and National Guard days. In the National Guard he flew Huey helicopters also, and again he landed a disabled helicopter and received an award. So there are quite a few medals. He also flew behind the planes that sprayed Agent Orange, and because of that has health problems. But the VA will not agree that Agent Orange is the cause. But the albums will mean a lot to him. marymember

I am having trouble with my computer, and I don't know if my suggestion went through. But my children are putting a shadow box together with medals and such for my husband who flew a Huey helicopter in Vietnam. He landed such a plane safely after being shot down, with the bullet making a hole in the window and barely missing his head. He was rescued and received an award. He also flew right behind the spraying of Agent Orange during that period of time, and thus inhaled it. Then in the National Guard he also flew Huey helicopters and again landed a disabled helicopter safely. So he does have medals, rewards, and pictures. He is very modest about any rewards and doesn't like to be bragged about. Now that he has Alzheimers he doesn't remember as much, but the gift of a shadow box and albums makes for a nice gift. marymember

The best gift is not wrapped in paper and foil.The best gift can not be found in a store.The best gift does not have a price tag on it.The gift I am talking about is....simply the time you give of yourself....the kind words that you can share in conversation...a big bear hug and smile that will last them as a loving memory.Respect goes a long way.Kindness can't hurt.
In this world of uncertainty and worry...especially what's happening in the news today...
Just being there...giving them a safe place to live out their lives, can be all they need.
Other suggestions....read them the morning newspaper,help them write emails or letters for them,collect their meds for them,make their bed, cook them their favorite foods,wash their clothes,decorate their home for the holidays....and this list is endless.All I'm saying is...the best thing you can give them is LOVE,because one day they will be gone and all you will have is their memory.
So pick up your phone and say.."Hi,mom and dad,it is good to hear your voice and I love you"!
And for all the readers,reading this message...Happy Holidays and have a loving 2016! M : )

Same thing I got them last year. Nothing.

Ummmmm, d1o213...... excellent post. I have put up picture frames of each of her children, with their spouse and kids, on the walls of her Nursing Home bedroom. I put up one of her family... mom and dad in the middle surrounded by the 12 kids, of which she is the oldest. I put one of our proper family... Mom and Dad with us four kids taken in 2009... and one photo of her mom and dad. Every time I visit her, she says everyone is here with her, and she just loves them. I can't be more pleased... she is 93, and though sharp, her memory is going the way of dementia... very short. She doesn't read, won't color like she used to, won't do puzzles, nor word puzzles... no interest in anything. I can slip into a bit of guilt, like, what else can I do/give her!!!! But, she has chosen to not do anything, and that's not my fault. So, when gift giving comes, I will have to agree with d1o23... giving of self is the best possible thing.

I will go have lunch with her, then lay down with her for her nap. I love it. Once she falls asleep, and I either snooze a tad, or don't, I then leave quietly. I also feel funny about that cuz we didn't say goodbye, and the thought of her dying suddenly without us saying goodbye reminds me to hug her before she falls asleep and to tell her I love her.

I will go have lunch with her privately in a small tv room in the NH, and use the computer there to turn on Pandora music of our choice while we eat. After eating, I will show her photos of family (from Facebook - special family page) on the nice large screen. She loves that.

She won't go outside anymore for the cold, so I will sometimes go with her into the communal living room and sit with her while they do Karaoke and sing along. She loves music.

I appreciate very much the photo fleece blanket from Walmart idea... will try to do one for Christmas. I already brought her fleece blanket from home to the NH, but it gets lost unless I press for them to find it and bring it back.

That's all folks... Merry Merry Christmas.

Ahhhhh.....Jude.....lovely thread. For my Mom (94, moderate dementia, very content in lovely ALF since 91YO) it's no question. Estee Lauder Youth Dew perfume....she loves it, has worn it forever, and....most importantly, still has her sense of smell! (Taste, sight, hearing are now beyond questionable....but .....smell....still there!). It is lovely actually (tho I'm an Original Cabochard, rare as it is to find these days, on those not-too-often occasions I wear a scent)....anyway, found a lovely, Holiday Gift Box w/not only the perfume but great skin creams, bath salts, etc.....such a lovely gift box.....actually took photos and sent to sibs....LOL.....Mom will love it! Unfortunately, that will only be for the first 5 minutes she receives it. But....no problem....I'll be spritzing her all next year whenever I visit.....

oooh Mina I hate that smell - one of my old bosses used to drown herself in the stuff. Mum likes that too but I am afraid she doesn't get it yuk yuk yuk. I did however find some lavender perfume for her which reminded her of her Mum and it helps her relax too...... bonus!

I found some of some Euphoria body was for my grandmother. I'm hoping that it will make her more willing to get into the bath and bathe. Getting her a bottle of perfume would be a horrible idea, she'd use it in lieu of bathing. Going 3 weeks without a bath makes for a UTI and who knows what would happen to her kidneys and her kidney disease.

For the gardeners:

I’ve decided to use greens from my garden to make a few wreaths and decorate a 3 tiered planter sitting on my father’s front porch. Arborvitae and junipers will be the base, or perhaps some downed pine branches if I can find some in local parks. I’ll add some pine cones, perhaps false sprays of red berries as I have none in my garden, and maybe a few miniature American flags.

For the inside, I’ll use a tabletop artificial tree, nestled in a piece of white cotton batting (snow which doesn’t need to be shoveled!) and smothered with small empty boxes from vitamins and candy wrapped in Christmas paper.
I’ve found that boxes for aspirin, nasal drops, and especially Junior Mints make the perfect sizes for small tabletop “presents”. Only problem is someone has to eat all those Junior Mints so the boxes can be used. Me? Well, I guess I could forc myself to eat some delicious, refreshing chocolate mints, all in the name of Christmas!


For the military families here:

A book titled “A Higher Call”. A friend gave a copy to my father, who flew in B-29s during WWII. The book relates stories of German pilots who helped escort damaged American planes to safety instead of shooting them down.

The thought of two different nations of men, especially one the aggressor, triumphing over their leader’s bitter mandates of destruction to fall back on their own human kindness to extend comfort and assistance in escape to the “enemy” during wartime brings tears to my eyes when I think about it.

I thought of this yesterday when I heard that old Snoopy song about his alleged encounter with the Red Baron, who in the song ended up shouting holiday greetings to Snoopy (in his imaginary plane sitting on top of his dog house) instead of shooting him down.


For others who’s made the suggestions of gift certificates, a calendar with bill due dates, and really practical things, I’ve added those to my small list. They’re practical, but with an older person, probably far more valuable than gold or silver (not that I could afford that anyway).


d1o2l3p4h5i6n7, I think you are a philosopher! Your post is very poetic, very touching.

Thank you,Jocelyn,for saying that I posted something excellent for others to read.I wrote the truth that the best possible thing you can give,is giving of yourself.What a changed and wonderful world this would be...if everyone thought like you and me! Thanks again,J!

Give them your service as I said.

Bring presence, not presents.

If only I could bring presence. I am here all the time and no-one else wants to know except my daughter who, because of her job, has to work Christmas Day Boxing Day etc and my son whose going through a bad patch right now. So any presence will be mine and she has that 24/7 BAH HUMBUG but I have to agree if you don't live with them then spend your time with them for there is one thing that is certain before very much longer sadly you won't be able to

Have a look at the eked advert google it and then select the christmas 2015 video - it is all about presence not presents

damnn Edeka not what I wrote

My Mom's been awake since 3:30am! If I write the gift I'm thinking of right now I'll be living the rest of my life in an orange jump suit!!! Lol

Only joking!!

AA Now please darling I am a Brit. It took me a while to work out you weren't talking about buying yourself a jumpsuit for Christmas. I empathise sweetheart - Mum has had a dreadful night although she has slept soundly despite calling for me at least 12 times. Of course while she then snores I am wide awake. I have counted more sheep than Britain actually has!

Here you go, OhJude... you funny girl! Great ad, and thank you! (I think there's more than one out there...)

marketingmagazine.co.uk/article/1376221/german-supermarket-edekas-christmas-ad-beats-john-lewis-sainsburys-youtube

I always liked buying 'meaningful' presents. (Usually little things). I put my heart into it... Trouble is... Almost nothing was 'really' appreciated as I get the bums rush from my family... By that I mean mostly my siblings (brothers)... Seems difficult to be with people (let alone family members) that 'really' get into the spirit of Christmas... (I know this is only my experience... My 'family'... So sad... But now that I think if it... Now that I'm 'older' I sense even the friends I have left are kind of 'numb' to the Christmas meaning.... I don't' know what has become of this world really)... And, like a massacist, I keep trying sI've my mother is still with me (I think Christmas for me will end when she's gone)... I know sad but true... Been through too much already and burnt out with trying.

My mother loves jewelry but I have had to put all of her precious gems and metals away for safe keeping as she keeps "losing" them or somebody is "stealing" them. She has the most fun with brooches, tack pins and chains, "making her own jewelry." I think I will recommend to anyone who wants to get her a gift that they get some nice inexpensive costume jewelry for her. That will probably make her the happiest and I won't worry if it is "lost", hidden or "stolen". The photo album is a nice thought but it has caused me a lot of stress with her asking me repeatedly who somebody is in a photo that wasn't labeled and I don't know who it is. Sometimes the photos cause her to cry and that makes me sad. She has progressed to the point that cards, games and her beloved word search puzzles are hard for her to understand. She doesn't need clothes, pajamas, shoes, or slippers. I bought her a heated throw blanket because she is always cold but she hasn't used it. She would rather put her ratty bathrobe on over her clothes is she is chilled.

Orange is the new black! Put on your LBD and dance by yourself! Could work wonders.

Amen, ohJude.