What do you do with their stuff?

Daisy9, I did her laundry at the old NH after much of her clothing disappeared. Then this summer I broke my elbow and had trouble transporting a week's worth of clothes back and forth, let alone actually doing the laundry. So I went back to letting them do it. A few more things disappeared. But now she is in a much nicer NH and they labeled her clothes, and instead of going into a huge basement laundry room they go right around the corner into smaller machines. I feel like her clothes are no longer an issue.

I should have mentioned in my original post, it has been over a year since she moved into long tern care. There have been a few things she has requested and a few things I have been using, but that's probably 20% or less of the overall stuff. I am going to take the advice and not bring it up to her before I give away or sell, for her benefit, any of it. If she happens to ask for something that's gone, I'll buy new for her. But that's probably less likely than I realize given how much time has passed.

Been there. Only I was cleaning out a house.

I first went thru and got rid of junk first. We have bulk pick up once a month. That all went out. My brother came up and he and his wife took what they wanted. There were 4 of us. I bought storage boxes with lids and put each of our names on the boxes. I lined them up and started taking albums apart. Giving each child the pictures that had something to do with them. Then I started splitting Mom and Dads pictures up. Dads service pictures to the boys. Every time I found something pertaining to a certain child, I thru it in the box. The boxes were given to them and they determined what they were keeping.

Her baking stuff went to a friend who baked a lot. Other things to a Thrift shop. Your Mom will only need a few clothes in an NH. My Mom had lost weight so I kept the size she wore and the size above. When she gained her weight back, I had clothes for her. Shoes, get rid of them. Keep the comfortable ones. Mom had 3 pr, navy blue, brown and black to go with different outfits. Didn't really matter, the aid took the pair her hand touched first. Actually, I was trying to find a pair of canvas slip ons. Easier to get on and off and comfortable. She will need only 5 to 7 outfits depending on how the facility does laundry. And thats all u want to leave besides socks and underwear. Keep things u think she could wear when the other clothes wear out. Moms winter coat I kept home. I took it with me if we were taking her out. I had under the bed boxes, I kept at my house, for when I switched Mom from winter to Summer. Don't leave anything that is of sentimental value or valuable. The residents are known to pick things up out of other rooms.

If your Mom has been excepted into LTC, I doubt if she will ever come out. So get rid of anything she will never use. If she asks for something you don't have just say she is limited to what she can bring with her.

My mom and dad live in a house FULL of stuff. Every drawer, dresser, cabinet , etc. is filled to the brim. Wall to wall furniture and two unusable rooms. Parents live in their home (89 &90) and mom has dementia She insists on keeping everything and just is not capable of understanding the predicament she is putting her daughters in. My advice is to hold on to the things you think she might be asking for and get rid of the rest. Someone somewhere will benefit and it's far better to be put to good use than labeled as clutter. Besides, your future self will thank you for having less things to tackle with.....especially considering you might move Good luck.

So true about vintage clothing. All clothing from the 1940s and 50s are the new things, so check all her clothes, shoes, hats, purses for desirability. You can take a few examples and go to the eclectic shops in town. If you are an internet seller you could also go that route.

I would check with local women's shelters about the household goods, where I live they take all of that type of thing because they are helping get women and their children set up in private housing after they go through the shelter. Most of them show up with nothing, just escaping a violent situation. I think it is the best use for items that are no longer being used.

I would not tell her. My dad brought so much junk and I lost my garage to storing his mishmash of stuff. I started going through boxes and throwing out garbage, donating useful items and when he asked me about certain items, usually something that was really and truly garbage, like a 25 year old computer with no cords, I said I looked and couldn't find it, maybe we accidentally took that box when we did our donation run. Then I would say that when he needs it we will make sure that he has one. The crazy stuff that he remembers is just mind boggling.

I would keep items that you know she has an emotional connection to and start declugging the rest. I was soooooo happy to get my garage back it was worth his anger.

You have to employ a mindset that the things your mother can no longer use will be of help to someone else, either by you selling them if she may need the money, or by donating them. And it will be a kindness to her if you never discuss this with her, handle it quietly. Keep only the things she may want or need

Don't bring up the topic at all! Just donate or sell whatever is left over that you have no room for at your place, and that's that. When my folks had to move from their IL apartment into Assisted Living, I had to call the Salvation Army to come get ALL their stuff, basically, because their building would not allow me to run an Estate Sale where I could have made some money for their care.

Grandma has some great advice, esp. about the formal wear. It might be considered vintage and be worth some $$ in a vintage resale shop, if you're in the mood to do some footwork.

Go through what there is.
If there is anything of use to you or other family members dole the items out as fairly as possible.
Anything that no one wants and does not seem to be of value donate to a shelter or charitable resale shop.
Anything that may be of value that no one want can be sold and the money used for her care.
If she asks for something the new answer will be...I will look for it as soon as I can. I had to move a lot of the boxes to get ready for the holidays so I am not sure where the box from the bedroom is or the box of kitchen items, they all got moved.
By the way formal clothes..your local high school theater group would probably love them if they can not be sold on consignment. (difference between "old" and "vintage" might be the difference between an item being worth $ and an item worth $$$)