My mom is 90 and had several major health issues within the last nine months. She slipped and fell while accompanied by a sibling last Spring, then in November had a very mild stroke, and now slipped while trying to climb into her bed (which is very high).
Now for the complications. She has three children, one of whom lives about two hours away and takes no responsibility whatsoever for her care. I live 40 minutes away by train, but due not drive do to a medical condition. My other sibling lives 10 minutes away but has a chronic medical condition as do I, however hers is more serious, she is on chemo for cancer.
My sister is POA and she visits daily when she is not too ill to do so. My mom refuses more than visiting nurses and physical therapists, although the physical therapist has warned us that her gait is so unstable that she really should have live in help. She even refused a medical alert bracelet because she says it's uncomfortable to wear. Tried the necklace, same deal.
My mom doesn't want this, in part because of financial reasons. She is not eligible for Medicaid and my sister and I have done a terrible job of estate planning, despite the fact that I have been arguing for it for years. Her husband is an attorney, so this is especially daunting to me particularly because of the three of us I am the only one who would be in need of any kind of inheritance. With regard to Medicaid eligibility she would have to spend down all of her savings, and her assets in excess of $750,000 in joint ownership of property would go to Medicaid.
I have been worried about my mother, and my relief visits tend to be in excess of two weeks of 24/7 care. The last time I did it, it was at cost to me in terms of a toll on my physical health, as well as neglect of my home ( which incurred damage due to a roof leak while I was away).
I am currently resentful of both siblings, the POA for the aforementioned reasons, and the other for contributing nothing to anything. Not even a thanks to anyone.
I apologize for the length of this post but would appreciate any thoughts .