Follow
Share

She never asks for time, demands it. No excuse me, do you mind, if you don’t mind, it’s, “I have to.. you need to.. but’s in on my phone conversations. My day is not important. My job is irrelevant, my health issues are lies and inconsequential. My dad’s day is full of put downs. Short version.
She is getting to be unbearable. She knows all about everything and everyone. But she doesn’t. If it’s not what she thinks then we lied. She has threatened to hit me, slap me actually, for saying that she must have heard a time wrong. Then when I put on an event for my job she tried to tell me it was on a different day. Convinced I had my own event date wrong she was going to slap me for saying she had the date wrong. I did tell her if she did follow through that would be the last time she saw me. Calm cool and collected. She and my dad need me. Neither sibling can help them at this time. She is too unaware of my dad’s symptoms, he would die under her watch. He almost has even with me being in and out. Fortunately I made it home in time to get home to the hospital. If she had any idea about my work she would be trying to run that too. I don’t date, have friends over, cannot watch a movie without interruption. I know I am not alone. There are others in my small circle in similar situations. A lawyer whose mom says she is a failure. Hasn’t amounted to anything. This is not where I thought I would be. Some people have lovely times with their elderly parents. Parents who are grateful. Those who are looking to have as much fun out of a day as possible. Not mine! Every day I am glad to see it has come to an end so I can go back under the covers.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
So, why are you caring for someone who doesn't respect you?

Walk away.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

As it stands, you have sacrificed your life for them.  The mother's hatefulness is in no way justifiable.  Yes, her situation is difficult, by no fault of yours.   We will ALL get old, we will all need care later in life, this is not an excuse to treat people with gross disrespect and hate.  I would let her know that threatening you with violence will end and that she has to either be civil or quiet.  If she doesn't want to be appreciative, that is one thing and quite common, but to be abusive...there is no need to tolerate that behavior.   If not, there is a facility that she can move to.  Sorry, but NO, absolutely not.  You are suffering and she is an unappreciative, nasty woman.  This is not acceptable.   To wake every day just waiting to go to sleep...that is no way to live.  That is suffering and you do not deserve it.  I would look into options for care.  I think this will only get worse, honestly.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

That's really tough. I know where you are coming from, in a way. When I get tired of it, I ask myself if she is competent or not. If she were not competent, I'd make allowances and chalk it up to brain damage. People with brain damage can't be held accountable for saying all kinds of things, but, if competent, that's different. I don't have to like it or tolerate it. When people are seniors, they rarely change, so, I'm not holding my breath. I am planning my escape, I mean, move to another town. I hope it helps. lol Best wishes to you.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I wouldn't call this passive-aggressive. More like narcissistic.

Ex of Passive Agressive: My DH buys me a Star Sapphire engagement ring. My MIL says she will buy me a ringwhile in England. I tell her thats OK, I don't really wear jewerly. My wedding ring and my Sapphire are enough. Well, she comes back from England with a Sapphire with a couple of Diamonds almost set exactly like my DH gave me. Of course I wasn't excited about it and that was not appreciated. Not the only time she did something like this. Your Mom being the way she is is not passive. Passive people make u think they agree or don't listen and then do what they want. And ur suppose to appreciate that they did what they asked u not to.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I'm very sorry for your pain and hurt that you are feeling. The lack of empathy that your mother shows you is inexcusable, dementia notwithstanding. My father is the same. Without boring you with my problems, I try to reconcile myself and validate his behaviour by convincing myself it is what may be frontolobal dementia which as you probably know controls behaviour among other things. But it does not make it any easier. I'd be here all day if I told you the crap I've had to put up with lately. If your mother lives with you, it makes it very hard to set boundaries because she's there all the time. My father isn't God forbid he ever does and I've had to set boundaries now with him. Sometimes you've got to be hard, I don't know if you're able to do that because I'm not a person who can be hard either. But our own mental and physical health suffers doesn't it? I can't even bring myself to pray about it anymore. But I will pray for you. Because there's always someone who is doing it harder than me.
God Bless You.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter