What do you do with a 95-year-old man who refuses any help and lives alone?

"Our solution was that Sis would stay with Pop 3 days a week, cleaning, cooking, and tossing out all the sweets he has purchased while she was not there. He gets aggravated with her presence and often asks her to leave." Poor SIL. And it's still only three days a week. Can't he get himself into a crisis quite easily during the other four days of the week?

What you have said speaks volumes about your views and values, rather than your 95yr old grandfather. Let him live his life how he chooses - there will come a time, and I'm sure he's aware of this, when he needs to accept help, but right this minute that doesn't appear to be the case with his current lifestyle and need for independence.

My husband's father, age 90, in the advanced stages of diabetes and suffering from early dementia, sounds much like your GF. Even a 10 day stay on a respirator in the Intensive Care Unit was not enough to persuade him to live in our home in a specially designed senior apartment. He wants to "live on his own terms." His own terms include: 3 hypoglycemic episodes (dangerously low blood sugar) and extreme diabetic nerve pain as he is no longer able to remember how to take his medications, a traffic ticket for speeding thru a school zone (he didn't realize he was in a school zone), backing into his garage door (he didn't realize the garage door was still closed), and driving into a ditch, damaging his car substantially, backing out of the ditch and continuing to drive to the golf course where his golfing buddy pointed out the damage to his car. It surprises our family that his insurance company continues to issue him the policy.
We live 8 hours away. My husband's sister lives 1 hour away. Our solution was that Sis would stay with Pop 3 days a week, cleaning, cooking, and tossing out all the sweets he has purchased while she was not there. He gets aggravated with her presence and often asks her to leave. We all know its because she prevents him from eating sweets. Also, my husband filled out forms at the DMV asking them to request and review health information from his doctors as to his failing eyesight, numb legs, and inability to control his blood sugar. Pop failed the eye test, but has filled an appeal. It can take as much as a year for this process.
It is unfortunate that some elders early dementia prevent their seeing the logic of a change of residence, whether it be moving in with family or assisted living, or in your case, just some additional help a few days a week.
I wish I could offer a solution. Just know that you are doing the best you can in a very difficult situation.

In your situation, you have to get creative. You can choose from many of the great ideas given here so far. One idea at a time, and give your grandfather time to get used to each idea. If you can get the family to rotate on a weekly basis to bring groceries and clean a room at a time, he might accept that idea. Eventually, you may be able to get a caregiver or someone in his neighborhood or from his church to join in as a part of the rotation to get your grandfather used to someone who isn't family.
I was able to do that with my very stubborn aunts and mother. My neighbor started helping my eldest aunt on a limited basis until she needed more help and eventually passed. Then she helped a bit with my next aunt. Finally, she first helped my mother when I was out of town, and now she helps her on a weekly basis in addition to what I do. My mother was resistant at first, wanting me to do everything, but you have to be gently firm and explain that you can't do everything.
If you continue to be concerned about your grandfather's safety and health, you may have to assign someone to go to his doctor visits and/or schedule a wellness check. If someone is his POA, you may have to get him/her involved, or get one designated.
Good luck!

SO-o he doesn't want help. Try for little changes that will help but don't look like it. When someone visits, bring a dish of whatever that you made and thought he might enjoy. Something that can EASILY be reheated. Some homemade soup for example. And didn't you get confused and bought more bananas and already had some at home, could he help and take a few?
At 95 he is part of the depression era generation, waste not want not. Invite him out for a meal at a diner so he gets a nutritious meal. A saturday afternoon event, so to speak. Can someone (in small steps) eliminate dangerous spoiled food from his frig? I did this at my MILs each visit. I didn't get there often but did what I could.
My 93 year old uncle was exactly as you are describing. The nieces/nephews ultimately set up a schedule for weekly visits with some meals and groceries. It is hard to turn down some delicious food items! He too was proud but loved the goodies. Stop asking and just start doing things --- a LITTLE change at a time.

SO-o he doesn't want help. Try for little changes that will help but don't look like it. When someone visits, bring a dish of whatever that you made and thought he might enjoy. Something that can EASILY be reheated. Some homemade soup for example. And didn't you get confused and bought more bananas and already had some at home, could he help and take a few?
At 95 he is part of the depression era generation, waste not want not. Invite him out for a meal at a diner so he gets a nutritious meal. A saturday afternoon event, so to speak. Can someone (in small steps) eliminate dangerous spoiled food from his frig? I did this at my MILs each visit. I didn't get there often but did what I could.
My 93 year old uncle was exactly as you are describing. The nieces/nephews ultimately set up a schedule for weekly visits with some meals and groceries. It is hard to turn down some delicious food items! He too was proud but loved the goodies. Stop asking and just start doing things --- a LITTLE change at a time.

jnana43, it will not be easy to bring into your Grandfather's home a caregiver. Some elders welcome it, others will refuse big time. The secret is to bring in someone who has a lot in common with Grandfather, that way they would have a lot to talk about.

Whatever you do, even if Grandfather finally gives in and wants a caregiver, is for you to pay for this cost. Such cost should be paid for by your Grandfather.

Many of us here had to wait until there was a serious medical issue, such as a fall that requires hospitalization. But don't be surprised if Grandfather wants to return home even against his doctor's advice. Usually it takes several serious medical issues for the light bulb moment to happen.

If he is still competent, there isn't much you can do until a crisis hits. The next time he calls you because he fell and needs you to pick him up, you can go over or call the paramedics. Afterwards, ask him if he wants to stay at home or go to a nursing home. If his house is full of trash and rotting food, having a cleaning lady come twice a week would help. State that the paramedics might report the state of his house and his falling will put him in a home and it won't matter what he wants. To remain safely at home, he must hire a cleaning lady at least twice a week, he must have an aid or two come in three times a week to help him out.

I think you'd be less frustrated by acknowledging that trying to change him not only isn't going to be effective, UNTIL and/or UNLESS he's ready, and that forcing him into anything will only alienate him.

Remember, it's the family's opinion that AL would be better for him. It isn't what he wants, and you do have to respect that, as well as respect that it's his life, to live the way he wants to, even if it's not safe.

I'm in a similar situation, but have learned to choose my "battles" carefully, and I've given up on getting my father to go to AL. He'd be absolutely miserable and would give up and die quickly. He wants to be free, in his own home. He wants to walk down the street to visit neighbors and interact with them and their families.

He wouldn't have that option in AL. Sure, he'd be much safer, and also much more bored being around only other older people. He wouldn't be able to enjoy the children in the neighborhood, the seasonal decorations, interacting with the mail carrier.

We've discussed this and even though I still drop hints, I know that he'll stay in his own home and the only way I could get him to AL would be to override his own judgment and desires. And I won't do that.

I also won't when I get older. I'd rather die in my own home than in a starchy facility with a lot of other older and sick people. (No offense intended toward anyone whose parent is in AL; some people can enjoy it. I'm not one.)

So, ask yourself whether you want your GF to go to AL b/c it's the family's impression it would better for him, or if you think that's the best thing for him, including taking away his freedom to still live what he probably considers a good life.