What do you do with a 95-year-old man who refuses any help and lives alone?

INANA43,
You do have an amazing grandfather! I wish I knew him because I know I would like him. He is very independent and strong willed. That seems to have served him well in his lifetime. He is not going to give up his independence until he absolutely has to - that is on his terms - not yours.
so, in that case I would suggest you being very subtle instead of directive in aiding him. That includes never telling him what to do. However, there are other methods of achieving your peace of mind and his safety. i would suggest when you visit you choose someone you think would get along with him - and take that person with you (as your friend) when you visit. If they click, in time, and there is a trust between them - then that person would perhaps be welcome and familiar with him. Now when you do this do not tell him that person can help him - tell him she or he is a friend of yours and is coming to help you. It would be helpful if the person has some similiar interests to your grandfather.
I accomplished this with my friend that I take care of with this method. I found a gal that is knowleable with the elderly - and medical terms- and big and strong so she can handle a large older man that needs help. I told him she was to help me because the medical part confuses me. So he thought she was helping me not him. Then they became friends (because she knows what she is doing and how to do it). In my case he cannot drive and I also have problems because of eyesight issues. So she drives us to doctor appts. and that involves her in his medications etc. They have become friends, due to her skills - she is a young very knowleable gal - and she has gained his trust. This did not happen overnight. In my case it was a female - that is not a necessary requirement.
What interests does your grandfather have - sports - fishing - reading - etc. Find someone knoledable (sp?) areas. That would help establish a friendship and then it would be natural for your grandfather to accept their assistance if he views them as a friend
I wish you the best of luck. To be succesfull in this project you need to find someone who your grandfather can relate to and trust - certainly not anyone that will tell him how to live what life he has left and how to do it. I am pretty sure he already has a plan in mind - your responsibility (or help) would to find a caretaker that fits in (without him knowing it is his caretaker - but your friend - and also he could be a friend of.
I am sorry if this sounds crazy but I truly think it will work for you as it has worked for me.

Good Luck,
Rose Petal

From my personal experience, let the man be, if he is generally healthy.
Our family interfered after my 89 y. o. father(with similar living conditions) fell and was hospitalized, was placed in a facility for his safety and could not go home. He colluded with my youngest brother to help him escape to another state, where he ended up committing suicide. We will forever have regrets for doing , what we thought was best for him.

I understand your concern. While it is natural that you want to assist, the best way to assist is twofold: 1) accept that he wants to keep his life as is, and 2) find ways to support making that possible for him. When it came to caring for my own, we stressed that we wanted them to keep their independence, but wanted them to understand that help doesn't mean they can't do the "job" but it meant they could get it done faster. In other words, we reworded help to sound less chafing to their ego. It took some time; that "yes" didn't happen overnight, but it did eventually allow a family member to eventually move in, and let us come to help out twice a year, as our circumstances didn't allow more interaction. Sometimes, even a close neighbor can help, the hope is finding a creative way to help your grandfather. But I wouldn't force them into accepting AL without his consent; it won't help your relationship with him or with the rest of the family.

If his driving license goes, is there a grocery store in the area that delivers?

His world is dangerous, but then you already knew that. Most elders don't want to lose their independence so instead they would rather risk harm and a whole host of other things. You should notify his doctor of these facts. Good grief-he may have a bad accident while driving and it may not be him who he harms.

Leave him alone and let him do HIS thing. He didn't get to be 95 years old by being stupid. Ren

I wonder if people read the post headline and not the details. That might explain some things, but, nonetheless, if safety concerns are reasonable, based on multiple damages to the seniors vehicle, the family member who is responsible may have a legal responsibility to investigate. If the senior is not able to drive safely and injures or kills others, he and his estate could be held liable for damages and perhaps, those who were responsible for him who turned a blind eye, could be named in the suit as well. Driving is a privilege, not a right and certainly, not a right to harm yourself and/or innocent people on the roadways.

I also found that talking to neighbors can be helpful. Sometimes they see things that are troubling, but, they don't know who to share it with. On the other hand, they could offer positive information that this man is doing quite well. To me, doing due diligence to find out what he can do safely, would be the goal.

Can you take his keys away for the car? There comes a point where you have to think of others on the road and not just his freedom. You can contact his doctor and maybe he can give you some answers to taking away his license. If he is like my dad he will drive without this license so taking the keys maybe the only option

If it gets too bad, you can call APS on him for self-neglect. But, the next time he goes to the hospital, talk to his case worker about it. She should be able to help. If he is receiving medicade. there are IHO (In home opperations) waiver services that can provide home health care and home health aides. This is a state program that suppliments IHSS services. He just has to be eligable for SNF or AL placement. There is NO 24/7 care, but at least he can stay in his own home and be supervised. GOD be with you and good luck to you and the family.