What do you do when your parents never took care of you or protected you from abuse? Both parents were abusive. Now mom is asking for help.

Yes, as CTT said, be upfront. We are not a discussion group we are a forum of Caregivers with real problems. This problem has been discussed a lot. You can find threads on the site.

What we unusually tell a poster when this question is asked, don't physically care for someone who has abused you. Caregiving is hard work with the easiest person but when the abuse continues into the caregiving resentment builds up. You cannot live 24/7 with an abuser and keep your sanity. We have members who have chosen to care for an abuser from a distance. But they have made sure they are the POA. The abuser may have been placed in an Assisted Living or Longterm care. Then the member handles things using a computer and Amazon. Others have had to learn to walk away letting someone else take on the responsibility. Some times the State takes over.

From what I have read on this forum, Mom isn't asking she is demanding because "you owe me". And who gets the guilt trip? The child that has compassion because all the siblings have said No. The child that is hoping "maybe now Mom will love me". Only to find out she never will and now the child is stuck. Because abusers are usually Narcissists and as such do not have the ability to love or show compassion because its all about them.

You do what you choose and are okay with, nothing more

"Diana. #CareGiverinPa Podcast on Caregiving in Pennsylvania Information, resources, support groups location, www.caregiverinpa.com "

Diana, please explain more about what you do. People here assume that YOU are the caregiver who needs input. It seems that you are harvesting replies to use on a podcast? If that is so, please be upfront about your motives in being on this site.

You do as little as you are comfortable with....and if that is NOTHING then so be it.

Does the parent acknowledge they were abusive in the past?