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I live with my elderly mom, and she is and always has been very critical. I have a few friends who come over and when they leave, she always has something to say about them. They are too fat, or too much of a know-it-all, or whatever. I did say to her this morning, "Well you have never liked any of my or my siblings friends". She said nothing to my comment. She doesn't have very many friends of her own, and always had been a loner. It is also difficult to put up with her criticism. Nothing is ever good enough, nor will it ever be. Do you have any suggestions for me?

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Thank you all for your advice. I've been off work since the Fall and I'm starting back to work in January. Maybe just getting out of the house will give me a new perspective.
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I like what Pam says. Boundaries! If mom is going to be rude, she gets no information. And since she's always been this way, I'd get out as I would suspect I'm being used, even if I enjoyed having this particular roof over my head. The atmosphere would be stifling.
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Or you can tell mom your going OUT to visit your friends. Nope , not sure when you;ll be home,, nope, not takeing cell phone.. see ya later, . It doesn't sound like she has any reasons you can't get away for awhile, and if she gets lonely, she may act better next time.
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Catmama, this is not uncommon when a grown child moves back in with a parent. What happens is that adult/child dynamics reappear.... and you are once again a teenager in the eyes of your Mom. Nothing you can do about that.

If your Mom has memory issues, it is best to just agree with her. By agreeing with her, it will make you feel like you won as that stops any further arguments, and by agreeing with her, Mom will feel like she got the upper hand. It's a win-win for both of you.
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Thank you Bettina and Sunnygirl1, you've given me somethings to think about.
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Try and move! Find someone to come in and provide care for your Mom and visit once
a week. Some parents forgo parenting and instead use their children as glorified servants and emotional trash cans. I tried jollying a toxic parent and toxic in laws for
years to no avail. Every single person I've spoken to in person or online can attest to
the fact that tolerating constant criticism is toxic and does nothing to change the other person. In fact, since they can dump all of their angst on you, it makes it even less
likely they will change, but highly likely you will suffer both financially and physically
as toxic criticism will inevitably wear you down.
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I'm not sure there is any way to really make people change, once they are seniors. IMO, people rarely change, but, you might try a little technique that I have tried before. Before the criticisms, start, I might say that my friends really liked her and had such positive things to say about her after their visit. Maybe, they could even bring her some flowers or candy on the next visit. (You might explain your issue with them, so they can get on board.) It might change her perspective and put her in a better mood when they visit. Just a suggestion. It might not make any difference.
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