My mom knows how to do a lot of things on her own and refuses to do them. Curses, screams, calls me and my brother out our name, and throws things. She’s not getting it. And we are both frustrated and ready to just go because it’s like enough is enough. Now it’s like you want to stay stuck and needing help all the time. What can I do? Because I’m on the verge now of packing my things and leaving.
I remember when my husband had a massive stroke at the age of 48, and the first time I went to visit him at the rehab center. I had brought him some mashed potatoes that he loved, and he still hadn't learned how to feed himself with his left hand(as his dominant right arm was paralyzed)so I proceeded to start to feed him. Well when the nurse came in and saw me, she hollered at me and told me that from here on out, I was to let him do things for himself, if I ever wanted him to get to his maximum improvement. I never forgot that, and that was back in 1996.
So the moral of the story is, hard as it may be to want to do things for your mom, please don't. Let her relearn how to do things for herself. She will be much better off in the long run, as will you. Best wishes.
If you have to get somewhere start early enough that she can get dressed and ready without rushing. Even if it means starting at 10am for a 3pm appointment. And yes that can and will screw up your day! But the less pressure, the less rushed she will feel the more confident she will be.
If mom can do things on her own don't do for her what she can do for herself. And don't cave in no matter how much she screams.
Why are you living with her? If she is able to live on her own, and you are able to live on your own pack your bags and move.
IF on the other hand mom has been diagnosed with dementia, or you STRONGLY suspect it get her diagnosed and begin the process of either hiring caregivers to care for her or begin looking for Memory Care facility for her.
OK...I just read a post from you in discussions....
Mom had a stroke. Now I understand her frustration.
Has she had rehab? was she able to participate well enough that she should be able to do what she is asking you and your brother to do?
You can ask the doctor if more PT and OT can be ordered.
Do what you can to keep mom active. Get her out for a walk every day. Give her tasks to do that will improve her motor skills. A bit of dusting or sweeping. Fold towels, sort and group socks. Play cards with her. Get a jig saw puzzle. The block game Jenga. If you have a "bags" game where you toss a bag of beans into a hole. Think of all the board games you played when you were a kid. All of these are great for fine motor skills, hand/eye coordination. Even baking is a great project.
Mom may improve but with a stroke there is the possibility of Vascular Dementia and that will not get better.
Contact your local Agency on Aging and see what help mom may qualify for.
Find out if there is a Senior Center where she can get involved. It will give you a break from her and it will give her a break from you.
Adult Day Care is a great option as well.