Mom is in a beautiful board and care with wonderful loving people taking care of her. After many years of refusing to go to AL because of dementia she started falling down. We can't be there all the time, and after taking care of my dad and aunt for years, it's taken a great toll on me. I just couldn't do it anymore. My own health (and that of my husband) is not good from all the stress for years . She is now in a beautiful board and care after a fall where I had her taken from the hospital. She is very angry when I come to visit and with everyone who is helping her. She's either crying the whole time or angry. This now is making my life miserable. I feel like I might have a break down at anytime. I try not to because of my children and grandchildren. I feel sick every time I go there, but I do out of guilt. She uses that too on me. Any suggestions? I need some help. Thank you!
As to guilt, use the other G word. You aren't a felon. What you are experiencing is GRIEF, not guilt. Not everything can be fixed (unless you are God). There are limitations.
You need to limit your visits. They are doing NO ONE any good. I am sorry, but that's the hard facts and they are best faced rather than adding to suffering to no avail.
Is mom safe....check
Have you done anything to make her sad or mad...nope.
Other than moving the hands of time back to when she was young, back before she had dementia is there anything on earth that you can do to make her happy....nope.
You have done all that is humanly possible.
Her happiness is not up to you.
When you go visit if she is upset/mad or crying simply say...mom I will come back when you are up for company. Then leave.
Do not try to make her feel better, do not get yourself upset because she is...
One is to stay away for a few weeks until mom adjusts. Keep in touch with the B&C home; let them know that you are wanted to stay involved with your mom, but that for her sake and yours, your need to let her adjust.
I would also suggest you try to get a geriatric psychiatrist or an Advanced Practice Nurse who specializes,es in behavioral and psychiatrict issues to evaluate your mom. A little bit of medication to relieve her agitation might be what she needs.