What do you do when dad falls in ‘love’ with the caregiver?

Have a background check done on this woman by a PI. You might find what he discovers very interesting. Like interesting to the police as well.
Two ‘caregiver aids’ in my area were arrested recently for defrauding an old gentleman who was in their care. They’re both going to the women’s penitentiary.

Let me ask you this.......who is the fiduciary for your dad's money markets or checking/savings account? I smell a rat here...these aides "make believe" they are totally in love with the patient when they know the patient has money in the bank....so I would absolutely contact an elder care attorney pronto and make sure that you or anyone in your family becomes the fiduciary or better yet add your name onto his accounts before that aide takes him to the bank before you do....one of our aides who cares for my elderly 84 year old Parkinson's hubby who also has Dimentia, asked me to add her name to his power of attorney just in case something happened to me before my husband and she can take over his funds coming in from the V.A.......oh sure, I am running to the bank right now.....so I would make sure that this aide is not preparing documents for your dad to sign and then it will be too late.,..and who knows she may convince him to go get a marriage license.......I think I would contact her agency and speak to the owner before things get out of hand. Better safe than sorry.

I believe this is a moot point since the OT seems to have disappeared. Would have liked to have known how it all worked out, though.

Unprofessional behavior.
Another extreme take on this:
Ah, let the wedding begin--the sooner the better,free caregiving, save big bucks, lol, while Dad is happy and you secure his finances from her with a sound pre-nup, sign here.
Such a selfless lady, no job left, free caregiver to Dad, no inheritance, just love.

Be sure to report her.

This was moving so fast, maybe they are on their honeymoon.
I hope Dad is okay.

the OP has not come back in 9 days? Hope this has resolved itself

I think she is humoring him. Caregivers do that sometimes so I wouldn’t be too hasty in judging her. Seniors who are lonely often think they have fallen in love with their caregiver or sometimes a nurse and sometimes they do marry them. Look at it this way. He is happy probably for the first time in a long time. I would be careful not to rock that boat just yet. Give it at least 3 months.
If he announces he is getting married to her I would then call the agency but remember it’s his decision and if u show opposition to it now it could backfire on you. She could be transferred to another client by the agency but try and get the agency to provide a character report and info on previous jobs she held. U can also run a background check on her yourself to see if she has been involved in criminal activities. Such a person usually has alias using many different names. Do your homework BEFORE upsetting the Applecart!

Yes, I would call the Agency and report. For gosh sakes, at least ask for another caregiver be assigned immediately.

Then take steps to block this woman from dads phone, etc. Certainly there is a contractual agreement and likely addresses this legally. Next, regardless of of what dad threatens, you could certainly report ur concerns to dads attorney, bank, financial advisor to be on the lookout for suspicious financial activity and for them to talk to dad as trusted advisor if dad asks for cash or adding this woman as beneficiary, etc.

And lastly talk to dads dr regarding dads unusual decision making, etc.

All worth a try to protect dads estate; not for you, but for dad for when he needs more skilled care.

I would call the agency and let them know right away this is unethical and there needs to be an investigation....I wouldn’t care about his threats ,,,

Have you spoken with the care giver or is it Dad telling you she loves him too?

Threats doesn't Suite me, you need to address this with Caregiver. Strongly, she looking at a sure Sugar Daddy with financial funds. I'm more than sure there is something in her contract not permitted for this type of behavior. Ask her employer for a copy of contract. She's taking advantage of the Seniors Father . Check with Elder Law they also give information on this. Caregiver abuse I say . Yes turn her in for corruption of Senior . Precious

Total Boundary violation for her profession!

Dear AlisonWanda,

This is a serious concern given if they've only known each other 48 hours. I would talk to the agency and maybe consider getting another caregiver and see how your father reacts.

I totally agree that this is uber unethical on the part of the caregiver. And you are within your rights to be shocked and suspicious. May/December romances do happen. I once had a friend who was a minor celebrity in my city. He became enamored of a young woman in a class he taught who is 30 years his junior. She led a sheltered life and is semi-disabled and she never had a chance against this suave, oily braggart. But in the end, they were two consenting adults. If I were you, I would consult an elder law attorney and share your concerns. At this point, it's not entirely about inheritance but if she does have an ulterior motive, she could leave you with not even enough for a funeral when Dad passes. On the other hand, like my ex-friend's paramour, she could be looking for a father figure and has found one in your dad.

I'm having trouble comprehending how the two could meet, fall in love and date within a space of 48 hours. Assuming an average of, say, 8 hours for sleep during these 2 days, that gives them 40 hours to accomplish a lot of change. Am I missing something here?

Or, is this dating and love all HIS perception only? Have you spoke directly to the caregiver? She may be telling him she "loves" him just to appease or play along with him.

If this is all true for both of them, you can easily talk to someone at the agency, confidentially, and she can be removed as caregiver, and asked to sign a confidentiality agreement (with some elements of a noncompetitive agreement), agreeing not to contact him in any way whatsoever.

Have you spoken to staff at the IL facility who would be in contact with him and could provide independent observations? If she is actually involved in this so-called whirlwind affair, the staff at the IL facility could probably find a way to ban her.

How did you find this agency? What do you really know about it? Is she a new hire? Was she vetted at local, state and federal level?

He has Parkinson's. Read up about the side effects of meds, impulsive, compulsive acts and sexual acting out for some. Talk with caregiver but be prepared for being bad guy. Paying caregiver that money unless declared as income to IRS will disqualify him from nursing home. The agency would be in danger of losing license.

I think the first place you should start with this is your dad's will/estate. Is it substantial? I hate to think the worst of people but this situation sounds very odd to me.

I'm assuming your dad is unable to live on his own because he needs a caregiver and that brings me to why this woman would profess to be in love with him, the miniscule amount of time they've known eachother notwithstanding.

I'd keep a close eye on this situation. True, if your dad doesn't have dementia he can choose his own companions but someone doesn't have to have dementia to be vulnerable and at your dad's age and the fact that he requires a caregiver makes him vulnerable.

And what about this woman? What kind of 47 year old woman falls in love with her 74 year old patient? In doing so she's demonstrated a tendency to behave unethically. If you've spent any amount of time here reading all the posts you'll discover that once a gold digger or other outside influence enters the picture it almost always has negative reverberations within the family. Someone who falls in love in 2 days is impulsive and not thinking clearly. Make sure your dad isn't making any big decisions right now.

I wish you luck with this. You can always call Adult Protective Services if you smell a rat.

She says she loves him too. Is this simply humoring an old man at the end of his life? Or is she encouraging his amorous feelings? What does "dating" mean in this situation? They go out to a movie? Dancing? They watch a video while she is "babysitting" him? He has been with her all of six hours. How much dating could they be doing?

He met her 2 days ago and he loves her now? Hmmm. But no dementia. Just impulsive behavior. She says she loves him too -- but how do you know that? Did you hear her say it or did Dad tell you?

Is he talking about changing his will? Is there much money involved? Do you think she is a gold digger, trying to exploit him?  Or he's exaggerating her interest in him, to bolster his ego?

I think I'd have a private talk with this woman. Not confrontational or accusing. Just "how is it going to be a companion for my dad?" See if you can determine her attitude toward your father.

I don't think you can do anything. If you see undue influence or exploitation as time goes on, you might want to TRY to protect your father's interests, but ultimately he can his own decisions, even bad decisions.

This all happened in 48 hours? Not sure I understand the timeline. They fell in love after 6 hours together?

Not sure you can do anything.  If he doesn't have dementia he can date whomever he wants. If the CG is willing to lose her job that's her decision. You have two consenting adults here.