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The doctor prescribe Remeron and or Megace to help her gain weight and maybe feel better emotionally. She is afraid to take it. She is afraid to go to the doctor, afraid that the doctor will give a memory test, and put them in a nursing home. She is afraid to go to the doctor and take anti depression meds because she thinks that they will be put in a mental ward for taking the meds. She doesn't want to go to her doctor of 30 years, but doensn't want to change due to what they might think. She is lonely, but doesn't want anyone coming into house, but me. I work. I go see her every other day. I would go every day, but she is afraid what her two old nosy neighbors, who really don't care about her think. Very had for her to go to church or beauty parlor, yet, she wants her old life back. Physically healthy, except for losing 30 pounds over 6 months; some partly due to a bleeding ulcer. I want only the best for her, but I don't know what to do. I thought about making an appt with her current doctor to tell all. Ideas please.

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I’m glad she agreed to try the cbd oil. I take a few drops daily and I think it’s helping me keep calmer in dealing with my Moms decline. I take it first thing in the morning, since I made the mistake of waiting to late afternoon once and was up all night. (Don’t know if that was related or not)

My other thought (and I’m sure I’ll get some blowback on this) is to get a prescription for the mild anti anxiety med, grind it up and put it in her food, the pill says it can be ground. (I have MPOA for Mom, so I never have to ask for her compliance, I put her on busparone for anxiety, and it’s helping) If her fear of everything is so debilitating that she wants to help herself, but just can’t make a rational decision to do it, is it bad/illegal/immoral to make that decision for her? Would it help her get to the point she could think clearer and she could agree to take it eventually? I really would like to know other peoples thoughts on this. It must be so hard to know what she needs but you don’t have the power to do it. Has anyone been tempted to give their LO a medication the doctor says will help, but without their knowledge?
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rocketjcat Mar 6, 2019
I mean to say IF the pill can be ground.
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What a terrible situation for both of you.

Just wanted to give you a hug.

Hugs!

Your prayers will be answered, have faith.

As a thought, did they do any brain scans? My grandma changed over night and it was from a clogged artery in her neck that caused mini strokes and instant dementia. Both her oldest children had the same thing and caught it, thereby avoiding the same fate.

I pray that you find the why behind this and the solution.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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Ask your mother point blank about how important it is to her to have her life back. Tell her that sitting around, obsessing and refusing to take an antidepressant won't give her her life back or a better quality life. A life she can start enjoying. My grandmother is the same way. She has had both knees replaced to improve her quality of life but refuses to keep up with the physical therapy. We said that it would help with her balance and build her strength but she won't do it or get her cataracts taken care of. So it's sitting on her butt and watching that evil Fox News and having panic attacks sit to watching Fox News.
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Just a thought,

I take medication for my anxiety and insomnia, however I have had some really bad reactions to a lot of the meds, therefore, when I am prescribed new medications I don't want to take them for fear of what the reaction will be. My BF came up with a plan to get me to try my new meds. Here is what we do: he tells me that we are in this together no matter what happens, so I start the new medication on his day off so he is with me. Just knowing that he is here with me makes me feel better in case something should go wrong. He is there to help me. Having anxiety that is out of control is a catch 22, because you know you need meds to control the anxiety, but the anxiety tells you that the meds won't help or will make things worst. It is a loop that goes around around that you want off but your afraid of taking meds that help you get off the loop. My BF just keeps resuring me that I need the meds and that he is there for me. I guess, what I am trying to say is can you try to resure your mom that you are there for her and to just try one pill or just take it for a few days, and if she doesn't like the way it makes her feel she doesn't have to take it again. Give her the sense of having some control and resure her that you are there if something should happen.

As far as the stigma goes have you ever thought about googling just how many people in the U.S are on meds for depression, anxiety, and insomnia the number would floor you. You could tell her just how many people are on meds and how most of them live compete and happy lives. Explain to her just how things have change and to do this come up with facts about the disease and the treatments and even just how many teartment centers there are and how they treat people with mental illnesses today. Show her pictures of Onsite, the PNP Center, and the Mayo Clinic. Information is power so give her some information on what mental illness looks like in todays world.

I hope this helps. Good luck.
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You know, if your mom doesn't have dementia, and is still reasoning and thoughtful, you might explain to her that antidepressants have only been around since the 1960s and that the once that are in use now have only been around since the late 70s.

The medications that SHE is thinking about are antipsychotics which were given to schizophrenics. And while they were a miracle when they were developed in the 1950s and they allowed folks who would otherwise have been institutionalized to stay in the community, there is/was a stigma around taking those meds.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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It sounds like what she needs is something for anxiety.
The antidepressant may or may not work and it will take awhile before you will know.
Has she tried something like Xanax that is quick acting and she could experience less anxiety for a little while so that she could see how much better she could feel?
The appetite stimulate will work or it did with my dad. Did her doctor do blood work that shows her albumin level is low indicating possible malnutrition? Did she have 30 lbs to lose? Did something happen six months ago that she is grieving?
Vitamin D3 is a supplement that can really make a difference. B vitamins can also improve mood and are very important.
Your profile indicates your father is deceased. So I’m wondering, who are you referring to when you say she’s afraid that the doctor will put “them” in a Nursing Home?
Is it possible to get her out on the weekend? Exercise will help.
One of the simplest safest ways to treat anxiety (IMHO) is hemp oil (CBD oil) Green Horizen and Hempworx are two pharmaceutical grade brands that I have personal experience with that I know have helped others with anxiety. Hopefully your mom will get some relief soon and you too. Take care.

edit; sorry, I didn’t see the earlier posts before responding. I see now what happened six months ago.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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onlychild55 Mar 6, 2019
Thank you so much. She will try CBD 15mg. I will look into the the two you suggested. Her vitals and blood work are great. She complains she is lonely, and even when she gets out, it is extremely hard for her to get ready. She is taking b complex. I am trying. Her doctor won't give her xanax. In a pickle.
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I will tell you what my friend's daughter's neurologist told her ( my friend's 8 year old daughter had a brain tumor; the tumor itself couldn't be removed, but the neurosurgeon was able to create a path for the fluid that was backing up as a result of the tumor to be rerouted).

After the surgery, she needed to be put on an antidepressant. Remeron was brand new at the time and very expensive. Our prescription plan turned down the request and said that my friend would need to either pay out of pocket or have her daughter take a generic first and demonstrate that it didn't work.

I will always remember my friend talking on the phone with the prescription plan administrator, saying "but her doctor says she needs THIS DRUG, because it is very gentle on the brain. You see my daughter has a brain tumor" At which point she started to sob. They approved the drug. That 8 year old is now a thriving, happy 24 year old out of college and working as an recruitment executive.

Tell your mom that story. It's a very gentle drug, gentle enough for an 8 year old that her mother had to fight and cry for.

Give her a hug for me and tell her I know it's hard to be brave and face old age.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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onlychild55 Mar 6, 2019
Thank you so much!
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Perhaps tell her that what the doctor was trying to say about the Remeron is that is is safe enough, benign enough, that even people in the nursing home take it without any ill effects - it's all in how you spin it. My mother was prescribed it to help her (and me) sleep, one other bonus side effect.
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onlychild55 Mar 6, 2019
Thank you; will try.
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My grandmother had horrible anxiety her whole life. Any time we suggested meds she would freak out. “No no no! I don’t want those!”. Part of her resistance was her stubbornness, but I had to take her age into account. She came up in a time when only truly insane people on the streets who mumbled to themselves were the ones who saw psychiatrists or psychologists. “Normal” and “good” people surely didn’t need them. When anti-anxiety meds first came out, many were heavy doses that made people zombies. So that may be how she sees meds. She isn’t aware how times have changed and doesn’t get there is less stigma and meds can actually help her feel better.
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onlychild55 Mar 6, 2019
Thank you for your response. Yes, she feels it is a stigma. I don't know what I will do if she continues to get worse.
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Which med is she afraid to take? And why? Start there.
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onlychild55 Mar 6, 2019
Thank you. I want her to take Remeron, but unfortunately, the doctor told my mom that people in the Nursing home use it, and my mother refuses. She has tried Zoloft, and it made her dizzy. Unfortunately, we really don't know if it was the medicine or her having a bleeding ulcer, which made her faint and throw up blood, which ended her up in the hospital for two days.
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Can you try to convince her to give the medicine a try explaining that taking it will help with the fears she has. She certainly is not content now. Can you stay to be sure she takes it. If you calmly explain that it is for her own good and is for the fears she has and if she doesn't give it a try her fears could become true because what she is feeling now is not working towards any sense of well being and if she detoriates further she may have to be hospitalized which is what she wants to avoid. Nosy neighbors are not important in the big picture but if she goes to the hospital they may become even noisier.
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onlychild55 Mar 6, 2019
Thank you for your response. I totally agree. She understands when I tell her. She tells me that she loves me so much, but she knows she has a problem when she can't even take a pill to make me happy. She is obsessed with me. I really am the only person she really has, and I understand. She was fine up until September of last year. Ever since she passed out in December, and threw up blood from a bleeding ulcer, she has deteriorated emotionally.
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You mom has a very severe case of anxiety and there may even be more at play here other than anxiety, specifically paranoia. You do need to speak with her doctor, alone, either by letter, phone or in person. If she listens to you, it might be a good idea to gradually break down her fears, one by one, over a time. For instance, reassure her that she will not have to go to a nursing home just because she’s taking a pill or two. “If you have a headache, Mom, you take an aspirin, right? That doesn’t mean you have to go to the hospital, does it?”

Her doctor should refer he to a to a behavioral therapist so she can deal with her fears. I know how you feel. My mom was paranoid as well.
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onlychild55 Mar 6, 2019
Thank you. I really never dreamed of this happening with my vibrant mom. It just happened over night it seems. She had felt herself back in September with blood pressure spikes. Lots of doctor visits and emergency rooms. Not until she passed out from a bleeding ulcer did, which hositalized her for two days, did she begin to deteriorate emotionally. She is afraid, so much that she tells me she loves me, almost an obsession, since I am an only child, but she just can't take a pill, even though it hurts me for her not too. Lots of praying, but I don't know how this will ever get any better.
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