What do you do when aging mother nags her daughter a lot about daughter's weight?

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Every time I go visit my mom which is about 400 miles one way she starts trying to limit my food and harasses me about being overweight. I have asked her nicely not to bring up my weight problem that it just causes hurt feelings but she keeps on doing it.

Answers 1 to 7 of 7
Oh sweetie. I feel ya. As someone who was taught to count calories at age 6, this is the only answer I use anymore. On repeat, as often as necessary: "My weight/nutrition is between me and my doctor, and is no one else's business."

Do not argue.  Do not justify.  Do not validate or deny anything she says.  Just keep saying it, over and over, in response to everything she ever says about your food or your weight.

If you want her to stop trying to control you (I'd call what she's doing "body policing"), then you gotta stand up for yourself.  You can do it! :-)
My mom started putting me on diets when I was four. I wasn't allowed to have any sweets or snacks. She harped on my weight (I was maybe 5-10 lbs overweight) my entire childhood and teen years. I'm 53 and she still does it. I did lose some weight a few years ago and you'd think I'd cured cancer. Once after a bout of severe food poisoning she commented on the weight I'd lost and how "good" I looked. She has always been very restrictive of her own food intake. She has never been overweight, and probably would have died of shame if she'd ever carried an extra pound.

There's nothing you can do to make her stop. She is putting her own issues with food and body image on YOU. It is her way of dealing with her own insecurity in that area. Even though the comments are directed at you, they really have nothing to do with you at all. It's all about how she feels about herself.
My mother doesn’t focus on weight. It’s my wrinkles. Well , at almost 57, I don’t look 30 anymore. Anyway after i drove her a few years ago at 7 a.m. in frigid weather, for a cataract operation. After it’s over, she sees me and “ I can see you now, really well, when are you getting a facelift?” Well , ok. Mom , You’re welcome. No thanks for driving her , or anything just get a facelift
Top Answer
This is such a painful subject for so many mothers and daughters. You have some good suggestions here. Do not engage in any way about this issue would be my advice. Also, if possible to visit when it is not a mealtime? I know we structure so much social interaction around meals or snacks, but this causes you pain, why not avoid it? Visit after breakfast but well before lunch, or between lunch and dinner?
Also, I encourage you to continue to say "it hurts me when you talk like that" or "please do not discuss this with me", something along those lines if it helps you to feel less of a victim.
Unfortunately, this is one of the hardest things to deal with; aging parents rarely alter long-standing habits and ways of communicating. We have to accept it, learn a strategy to deal with it, or limit our interactions with them.
Best of luck to you
Is your mom suffering from dementia? I’ve noticed that dementia removes a person’s ‘filters’ so they have no inner dialog. So each thought that goes through their mind gets spoken. Especially if it’s a rude thought.

Or if your mom is in her right mind then her nagging is probably a continuation of the nagging you’ve listened to your whole life. Nagging, if not about weight, it’d be about something else....

So I assume you’d be used to that. Just say THANKS MOM...and take a trip to a nearby restaurant if your mom’s starving you! I have to sneak to get a meal when visiting my parents; I have brittle blood glucose levels (no diabetes) and will pass out if I don’t eat regularly.
My mom is in mid stage dementia. The filter left the building while in the hospital. She kept saying "that nurse is so BIG!". I wanted to sink into the floor. She does not seem to like fat people. I never heard her talk like that before. But...she only likes my hair pulled back off my face. I pulled it back last night before going into her house. Then she said "Where are your gloves?" lol! Sometimes you cannot win!
Margaret916: "We have to accept it, learn a strategy to deal with it, or limit our interactions with them." Yes. And there's nothing wrong with the third option! furlough, since you've asked your mother not to bring up your weight and she still does it, consider making that 400 mile trip to see her a LOT less often.

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