What do you do when a LO won’t take the medication they need?

If your LO is cognizant and able to make her own medical decisions, there's not much you CAN do. You can go "hard line" on her ("you might have the right to refuse your meds, but I don't have to stand by and watch while you make the decision to NOT take the best care of yourself. Find another caregiver!"), but that's a hard decision to make, much less stand by.

Could it be your LO has had enough? Late 70's isn't all that old nowadays, but for how long has she been battling illness? Could it be she's tired of it all? If so, it might be time to talk about a hospice evaluation.

One thing you might want to consider doing: when she has her next doctor's appointment, the 3 of you discuss this together - for YOUR protection. See, if your LO is ever brought to an ER, the chances are the medical staff there isn't going to ask her why she isn't taking her meds...but they very well might ask you why YOU'RE not giving her her meds. I would bring this up to her doctor, while she's there, and INSIST they make a note in her chart that she's capable of making her own decisions, and she is deciding HERSELF to not take her prescribed medication. It might save you some serious heartache down the road, especially if some over-zealous ER attending decides to notify the authorities that you're "denying" her medication.

Good luck.

My mom is a nurse and when my dad asked her if she would be okay if God took him; he decided to stop taking his heart medications. He knew that quality of life could decline and he have a stroke or heart attack that he may survive without medications or he could go “home”. We had the pastor come over for bedside communion and we were ready. He passed peacefully almost 3 weeks later and we thought it would be 4 or 5 days. In that time, goodbyes were said. Since we believe our days are numbered by the Lord, the quality of life was the only question in our minds. Would he have a stroke and still live in a vegetative state until he had his numbered days? This was prayerfully considered and we asked the Lord to block anything that was not of his will and best plan and to grant his best plan. Right now my mom is still compliant with medications but if that changes, we are prepared to go the route of my dad; praying for wisdom and mercy for my mom.

This is a very common question asked on this forum. The answer depends on other variables, which we will need to know from you.

Since you don't mention anywhere, even in your profile, that your LO has any cognitive decline/impairment what reason does she give for refusing?

Since her stroke has she has any cognitive problems? Or does she have any problems swallowing any foods/liquids since her stroke? Has she ever had a swallow test?

What forms of the medication have you tried giving her? Does the med she needs come in patch, liquid or suppository? Are you breaking up the current meds and trying to give it to her in her food? If so, the meds can be extremely bitter...

More info would be helpful, but in the end if she has all her mental capacity she is allowed to make her own decisions and refuse the meds.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to share and weigh in. I appreciate the space to vent as well as the perspectives and advice given.

Not taking a blood thinner of some type, at least aspirin after stroke and heart attack is not safe unless she has been told that she is definitely not hypercoagulable. Her PCP can answer that question. Refusal without medical justification increases the probability that she will have more events that will leave her progressively less functional. If she is in an assisted living she is impaired in some way, otherwise she could have gone back to her own home with support services. Is she depressed? Angry about not being in her own home? Or just stubborn? You suggest it is just stubborness, so her own doctor needs to address this with her. You have done the best you can.

My soon to be 95 y/o mother HAD to go OFF of blood thinners in 2018 b/c she was getting the mother of ALL nosebleeds to the point of being rushed to the ER twice a month. Last time I met her in the ER, the doctor was photographing the blood clot that came out of her throat, that's how huge it was; the size of a large plum. He was planning to post the photo on the bulletin board in the lounge for all the medical personnel to see, since he'd never seen a clot that large in his entire career. That's where blood thinners got my mother; to hell and back, with me going along for the ride.

That was almost 4 years ago and she's still alive today.

If your loved one is refusing to take blood thinners, so be it. If s/he is of sound mind, it is their right to do as they see fit. If refusal to take this medication shortens their life on Earth, that is their prerogative too. That won't necessarily be the case, though, see above for more details.

IMO, elders take WAY too many medications anyway. And blood thinners tend to create more problems than they cure.

My husband has chronic A-Fib and was on Pradaxa for many years. In 2019 I found him on the kitchen floor in a puddle of blood. The EMT talked him into going to the ER for a CT scan as he hit his head and was on blood thinners.
The CT revealed 2 subdural hematomas which required surgery. He has not taken any blood thinners since May 2019, not even aspirin. He was scheduled for a Watchman procedure which he refused to go thru with. He has had no problems thus far. If and when he does, we will deal with it.

Perhaps she feels that the risks that go with blood thinners aren't worth it. One good fall, and you've got a brain bleed that may kill you.

It happened with my FIL. He wouldn't even take an aspirin, but he did take his blood thinners. Had he known that if he hit his head he could die, I guarantee you he wouldn't have taken them. However, not being especially informed was his specialty, so he didn't take aspirin because he feared becoming addicted to painkillers(!) and he didn't pay attention when his doctor told him he could get a brain bleed from his blood thinners. Because he didn't inform himself, he lived with terrible knee pain and died after hitting his head and being too proud to admit it.

have you considered seeing if a product called The Watchman which is a one time procedure that implants a device in the lower part of the heart. They insert it through a vein in your leg. If you qualify, you can get off blood thinners for the rest of life.

If she is of sound mind, then it’s her choice. If she isn’t, then I’d talk to the pharmacist and see if there is another medication that could be used in place, or if they are aware of another way to administer.

Blood thinners are a mixed bag of blessings. They’re prescribed so the person doesn’t have a cardiovascular stroke. However, they GREATLY increase the chances of a vascular stroke (the blood vessels in the brain hemorrhaging) which is what happened to my father in August, aged 75. The result has been disastrous, and we’re looking at a 6-18 month recovery, with the possibility of vascular dementia. Now, it’s possible that we’ve avoided another kind of stroke, but seeing my father so debilitated, so unlike himself, so confused and angry…I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

Talk to her doctor if you have Medical POA. If not, her choice. After seeing my father go through this, I honestly don’t know if I would take them either.