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Dad called me to come get him because he couldn’t swallow and could not live on his own. He also was diagnosed with adult failure to thrive. My husband & I brought him here to live with us 1 month ago -2/3/2020. (I am permanently partially disabled and hubby takes care of me.)


Since we brought him here to live with us, Dad has been hospitalized for 3 intermittent weeks with not being able to swallow and with impacted bowels. (He had blocked bowels 2 times last year while living independently.) The doctors told him he needed a feed tube or he was eventually going to die of severe bowel impaction, which is what he has had. His colon was also very swollen.


He agreed to have the feed tube and then refused the feed tube 3 times as they were bringing him to the OR. He told me & everyone I was trying to kill him because I wanted him to have the feed tube (and live).


Now dad just had his bowels disimpacted again 5 days ago. Then, the doctor talked to him alone and called me to let me know he agreed and they put the tube in him. It has now been 3 days since he has had the feed tube.


However, last night and this morning the hospital called me & stated he is now refusing meals and medicine and he wants to die. He has a DNR. The hospital has told him (and so have I) that he only needed a feed tube to supplement his meals and he would resume health.


He only has conditions endemic to most people his age. Everything is controlled by prescription medicine. The doctor said they don’t install feeding tubes in dying patients. I don’t know what to do. I tell him that I want to take walks with him. I remind him that we (me, my husband, my brother, & sister) want him to live and that between us, he has 4 grandchildren 12 great grandchildren and a lot of friends, and family that want him to live. I don’t know what else to do.

I would have the psych eval as well. Please do. Your father may not wish to go on in which case it is now time for palliative and comfort care, and possibly hospice care.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Help4m0m Mar 9, 2020
Thank you very much for your response. I’m trying to obtain a meeting with the patient care nurse now. He was always so full of life when he drove up to see us (3 hour drive) and family last November.
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I think a Psych eval maybe needed. To find out why an 82 year old is giving up. There maybe some depression here.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Help4m0m Mar 9, 2020
Thank you very much- I will definitely ask the patient care nurse when I see her today.
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This must be hard to hear. But maybe he's just done? Having a feeding tube and impactions are kinds of a big deal. Do you think he really wants to give up? At 82 and with health issues, this would not be a crazy thing for a person to really want. Though it's not easy for the family.

Perhaps a hospice evaluation is in order? They can help get to the bottom of what his wishes really are and see if he's ready for a different approach.
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Reply to againx100
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Help4m0m Mar 9, 2020
Thank you very much- I will definitely ask today for a hospice eval. He was his normal jovial self when he drove up to see all of us - and back last November. He’s done a complete 180. He’s my heart and it is so sad to see him in this state. The feeding tube was suppose to make him better.
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