My husband cares for his father with ALS full time. I didn't even realize it until this week but it's coming on 3 years of full time caregiving for us. We have never fought regularly, we've always been that couple that gets along. In fact, our marriage is so strong that we foolishly believed that's all we need to get through this. But now there is a distance between us, and that distance makes me feel insecure so I take things very personally, then we bicker and I cry, then I get mad at myself for being selfish and putting him through that while he's struggling so much. Why would I do that to someone I love that is going through something so big? How do you keep reminding yourself of the big picture in those little moments? How do you forgive yourself for the times you were already selfish? How do you make it up to them? Is it right to feel like he owes me anything right now? Shouldn't I just understand he's doing what he can? Why doesn't that feel like enough lately? Does it go back when the caregiving is over?
Honestly, I can see how caregiving can strain a marriage and break it. Even though I love my husband, and his parents, just as much as I love my own kids, I feel angry and let down sometimes. Yet I am aware of what is causing those feelings, and I know it is not him or me, it is the illness itself and nothing else that is doing this to us. So what do you do with that anger and insecurity? I can't bottle it up, he sees it. I can't express it because I feel a responsibility to be easy to deal with right now, ironically that makes me less easy to deal with.
Can anyone relate?