Who can I talk to. family not an answer. I don't have time for anything for me no more. its all about the patient.i love the patient with all my heart. and he has been there for me when I needed help. but now it gets thrown in my face that I should lay down and die and give up my life. I can't im only 45 and I have a few things I still would like to do..others should step up and do their share. I'm related my marriage not by blood. im a daughter in law . the other person is an ex wife. I do 80 percent of the hard work. she only has to worry about 20 percent. I wish I had someone I could talk to who understood. someone who knows exactly what I'm talking about. someone to talk to someone to laugh and cry with.

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My 83 year old father just moved in with my husband and I. We were close to having an empty nest... It all kind of happened so quickly. When we visited him in Alabama in December, after my step mom died in October, my husband told him to move back home to his kids and grandkids. I told him we had a spare room. A week before he drove out he called to say he was coming. He pretty much cares for himself, which I know is great, but I am under constant scrutiny. Anyhow, enough about me, I wish I had the answers, but all I can offer is empathy. I have been getting more pedicures and getting my hair trimmed more frequently. Oh and I have gotten more regular about walking my dog every morning while listening to my ipod.
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Daddydog, you came to the right place. I have 2 friends that I can talk to, but they have no idea what really I'm going through because it hasn't happened to them yet. Plus, I have a brother who is super and gives me Sundays off so I can have the day to myself and play poker and have a relaxing night once a week. You will also learn who your true friends are. Another friend, while she didn't say anything, I could tell she was not interested in sitting listening to me talking about what's happening with my Mother and me crying half the time I'm talking.

However, then I found this place. It has been a godsend. There are people on here who have been through what you're going through and are now going through also. They are here when you need to vent and we all need to vent. They are very rarely judgmental. They just listen, offer advice (fi they can) and lots of times, they know other ways of doing things that might help you. This site is just so wonderful.

As to you giving up your life, you cannot do that. You need to keep some semblance of your own life. You must also definitely take care of yourself. You will not be able to take care of your patient, if you do not take care of yourself. You've got to learn to put down your foot with others, that you need help. You must have your own time. You also need to get away occasionally. I go out of town -- ha, lots of times to -- because I need the break away from the whole situation.

Let people know you cannot do it all and don't intend to do it all. Being that you are only a DIL, wth, who are they to say it should be on you.

I don't know anything about the finances, but even though my brother takes over Sundays, which is great considering what else he has to do, I was still doing everything for 6 days a week. It was getting to me physically and emotionally. So, I've hired a person to come in 3 days a week to take over two hours on the noon-lunch time period.

My other brother, who does nothing, found out about the woman and went in a rage that no one consulted him -- well, I don't have to because I have the POA -- and I'm sure it is only because of the money. Well, I can't type here what I told him, but he didn't like it and I don't care.

In other words, do what is best for both you and the patient and try to balance it. But, this is the place to talk to people, vent and get help and ideas. Plus again, remember: if you don't take care of yourself, you can't help your patient. Also remember, you can't control what others think or feel, so if they think something that is wrong or not true, let it go, don't let it bother you. You do what you think is best, that is all one can ask.

Just remember, you can always come here, that's what we're here for. Hope it helps and hugs to you.
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Daddydog - you poor thing! Tell us more.

You are caring for your father-in-law, right? How old is he? Is he bedridden? Is your husband any help? Do you have kids? What kinds of events drive you most crazy? We all laugh and cry here. Welcome.
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I am right there with you. I live with and take care of my mom, who has dementia. My sister and brother live there as well. My sister has permenant brain damage, but is able to help care for her by cooking, and bathing her while I am at work. My brother has Muscular Dystrophy and has a caregiver during the day, who actually is a friend of the family and is there most of the time when I am working.

So I am the only one that works and I am the only one that drives. Mom has gotten to the point where she wants to go out with me and that is fine. But if I want a break - it is so hard to get away! I work and come home and take care of things at the house - helping with housework, running errands, figuring out bills, taking care of medical appointments and issues, and the such.

It is very rough. I gave up my home to move back to live with them, and now I am giving up what is left of my life, and I am only 43. The few instances where I do get to go out, I feel guilty. :-(

I am right there with you...
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