This is mainly a question for those who live in the same area, but not the same house.

Several years ago my mother and I had a catalyst argument. She didn’t want to get her medical care in the smaller town we were both living in, so all of her appointment were at least an hour away in the metro. I had a great in-home doggy sitting business that just EXPLODED. Between boarders and day care, it was normal to have 8 dogs in my house.

My mom would have 4-8 appointments a month and maybe needed a driver for 1-2.

It finally happened where she didn’t tell me about an appointment and the day before when she ‘reminded’ me, I couldn’t take her. Lots of angry words from her. She gave me the silent treatment for over a week.

Finally, when she decided to lecture me, she insisted that I should ask her each week or whenever when her appointments were. She shouldn’t have to “tell” me.

I argued that if it were anyone else that she was expecting to give up 3-4 hours of their time (It’s never just the appointment, there are always other stops to make), she would have to ASK them…just to schedule the pick up time.

I still contend that because she wanted a favor, she should do the asking.

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Just showing others that you have a post from earlier. It shows what you have been going thru.

You were right concerning the appt. She should tell you of appts she has made when she makes them. They should be made at times you are available if she wants you to take her. If you can't do it she finds another way or changes the appt. You work, she doesn't. When you rely on other people for rides, you set them up for the drivers convenience.

I would also wonder if she really needed these appts. I found with my Mom it was a every 2, 3, 6 month thing. First it was her PCP wanting to see her every 2 months. When she stopped driving and I was the one taking her, I asked why. She was only on B/P and Cholesterol meds. By law she only had to renew with a Dr every 6 months. I said "If he asks 'what are u here for today' you will only go back if your sick or need refills" He said it. When she went to specialists and was stable, that ever 6 months became once a year unless for some reason she needed to go back. IMO, once stable, the PCP can take over and you go back to the specialist if needed. Drs. will milk Medicare. If Medicare will pay every 3 months, then the Dr will have them come back every 3 months.
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I tried to make multiple apts on the same day.. maybe lunch in between. Easier on me at least!
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Yes, but Baseball, these are HER ailments, not yours.

If she wants better medical care, good for her. That doesn't mean that YOU are the taxi service.
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This is a town of around 10K, 50 miles to the metro, an hour plus drive.

Sometimes, small town doctors and hospitals can “miss something”. This did happen to her…probably in 2007. She felt she would get better care in the metro.

It wasn’t a problem until the wet macular degeneration fairy came a-calling and/or her back pain or knee pain became too much.
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Is there not a Senior Transport service in her area?

Are there no cabs?

Don't you have a job? You are NOT her retirement plan, nor her taxi service.

"You'll have to make other arrangements" is a useful phrase.

If an elder wants to have choices, live in their own home and remain "independent", then they need to be able to do that without the propping up and enabling of unpaid adult children. Unless she can make these arrangements for herself, she needs to get herself to a nice Independent or Assisted Living Facility.
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