What do we really owe our elderly parent?

F3 - rough week???Face it, the situation is not likely to get nicer or prettier. From what you've written, there is not going to be a kum-ba-ya moment in your household.
Start looking about for facilities for mom and start getting the loads of paperwork together to evaluate her finances. I hope there is a DPOA'a MPOA's already done
if not gird up to get past that hurdle. Not everyone is cut out to be a caregiver for their elders not should they be. There are good facilities out there and great ones too - find one and move her out. Good luck and keep a sense of humor!

Long answer short, we do not OWE our parents in any representation of the word. We take care of them :n out of the goodness of our hearts.,

Try to do the very best you can, but don't expect perfection of yourself.

Thanks Christina for your post. I am really good with my kids, and I need to just forget what it was like as a child, because I know not what happened to make my younger years that way. She's not quite ready for a Home, but I will keep hanging in there and do the very best I can.

I believe when we as adult children of people who may not have been loving or at worst, were abusive or had mental illness, know better, we must follow our conscience. We know that just because someone wrongs us, we don't retaliate. We do protect ourselves, we learn the lesson, we try not to let it happen again, we set our boundaries as adults dealing with other adults. Just because an older human happens to have brought you into the world, you don't act like a little girl with them when you are 60 and they are 85! I like to use cats as an example. Mama cat teaches them what to do, then they're on their own. However, yes, we have "relationships!" When they are good, it is great; we work for that, we are blessed when we happen to do a better job than our predecessor. I did, and I am proud to admit it. I'm willing to listen to my kids if they have a problem with something I did recently or 20 years ago! Help me, God! I can apologize, I can hug them and we have a a better understanding of each other, and I have learned something new. Some ignorant, lacking, hurt people cannot do it. We know, those of us with mothers who denied us much from the very beginning. It's hard to believe "they did the best they could," but oh well, maybe they did. We can't keep rehashing it year after year hoping to get a new answer. They sucked, we suffered, and now we get to take care of them until they die.
Do the best you can with the finances available, keep asking everyone including God for help, and don't beat yourself up. Be the bigger person. You'll be thankful you did the right thing. If you put her in a home, fine. If you take care of her yourself, don't become a crazy person; get help and be good to yourself. Be realistic, don't be a martyr. Finally, look for any and all good and positive details that emerge:)) Blessings, Dear One:) xo