What do we do when we can no longer care for my MIL in our home?

How long is the Medicaid penalty period? And why the penalty? Did she gift money to someone?

She was in the care of her daughter who was POA at the time apparently she sold her house to her son it turns out medicaid is going to count it as a gift we submitted the medicaid application and are awaiting the part where I send in the 5 years of bank statements I really don't know what else they will need we live in summit county ohio. We just found out they sold her house 2 months ago we don't have the funds to pay for a nursing home let alone an attorney to go after anyone

Can you pay for in home care?

What happened to the money from the sale of the home?

Or was the home sold for far below market value?

Daughter who was POA and got her mother into this situation is now responsible for her mom's care.

I'd drop her off this afternoon.

Woah! Can you go back a bit, please?

Your MIL was living in her own home? with her daughter as her primary caregiver.

Your MIL sold her house to your BIL? Or the POA daughter sold the house to your nephew?

What happened to that money?

How did MIL come to wind up living in *your* home? And when?

Where are your sister in law and your brother in law / nephew now, are you in touch with them, and what have they had to say for themselves?

I hope nothing awful happened to SIL? :/

(As usual) BarbBrooklyn has the solution. SIL should be responsible, since this is all HER doing. And if you don't make her responsible, YOU and your H will be doing the eldercare. Are you ready for that?

If not, draw your line in the sand NOW and stand firm.

Find out from Medicaid if your status is "pending". Nursing homes admit under this status. And follow the money from the sale of the home.

My MIL lived with her daughter at the daughters home she was POA of her bank account and durable POA august 2016 she said I can't take care of mom you take her basically being it's his mom he of course said yes we had no idea the daughter sold her mom's house to her son ( the daughters son) it was sold below market price however he never paid for the house so medicaid is considering it a gift I consulted an elder care attorney and she said because it was sold under market price value medicaid will consider it a gift. My MIL has no assets, car nothing we have no means to pay for home health or a nursing home so now we are at the mercy of medicaid and waiting to hear how long she will me in a penalty period. I just talked to the area agency of aging and they said she could do in a nursing home under pending however when medicaid says she is in a penalty period for x amount of months then who will pay the nursing home during those penalty months we can't even take out a second mortgage on our house I really feel like we are stuck between a rock and a hard place. And please no one judge us for deciding to to go the nursing home route this decision was not made in an instant she did a respite stay for therapy and she thrived there she was pleasant, she did activities she did amazing there she was a different person there than she is at our house. This is just a bad situation the attorney I talked to said we could go after the daughter however the cheapest attorney I found was $200 an hour honest to go we don't have that... I thank everyone for their input really I do. Aside from my husband we have no support and no help not one other family member has tried to help no one ever calls this woman it is just sad

The nursing home will NOT admit her Medicaid pending. You already know that there will be a penalty period assessed. The nursing home will want a guarantee of payment - you and your husband or sister in law - since there is no money coming from Medicaid. The personnel there are not stupid; if you've already found out there will be a penalty assessed, they know your mother in law has no money when you do the application and list assets. The State of Ohio doesn't provide care via Medicaid for elders that gave away their assets to family members for free. You can report the sister in law for elder abuse or the nephew for elder abuse; but your mother in law would have to sign a complaint for them to get prosecuted. I doubt that would happen. You could do a nuclear option and when her next health crisis happens, you could leave her at emergency room and ask the state to assume guardianship. However, at that point, the state of Ohio would be in a position of deciding where mother in law lives, which may be far from you, and might go after sister in law or her son who received the house. Has the house title been transferred or was it done by quit claim? If mother in law's name is still on the house, because they wanted cheaper taxes, you can see if they can void the quit claim. I'm so sorry that your family is in this mess.

Right. So.

Mother lived with daughter in daughter's home. When did mother move in to daughter's home?

Daughter "sold" mother's home to daughter's son, your nephew. Except that no money has changed hands. So in fact there has been no sale: no consideration = no contract. Where is the documentation? Is your nephew now living in the house?

The house is the big asset that is causing most of the gifting trouble. It is worth at least *arguing* about it, at least finding out who legally owns the dam' thing.

Back to our narrative. In August 2016 Daughter has a meltdown: do you know if this was for any reason besides the strain of caregiving? She tells DH to collect MIL. DH does so. Since then, MIL has been living with you, and things are now getting unmanageable.

Where is Daughter?
Where is Nephew?
When did you last hear from either of them?

What were the terms of the house "sale"? That MIL received NO money from the sale m as less No sense at all! If a personal contract was done asnd he hasn't paid payments, then he is in default, and should be prosecuted!

There must have been some kind of contract, and the title, home insurance and contract, must have been documented with the county, shouldn't it have been. I think SIL and Nephew are making up stories, or stalling for some reason,  as this part of the story makes no sense. Handshake deals are not worth their weight,  when it comes to working with government agencies! I'd be demanding to see the documents, as MIL has needs of her biggest asset to live on for the rest of her life,  the sale of her home, like the rest of us! 

I found the documentation from a source because we never got a straight answer as to who's name the house was in i found a paper that was notarized putting his mom's house in his nephews name this was done august 31 2016 I even had the attorney check into it at my consultation and it is in his nephews name but no money was ever given to his mom they never paid for it I can sue them of course it's just expensive and money I don't have I feel like no matter what I do or suggestion I may have to tough it out and ride out the penalty period I just think it's sad that she has to pay for what her daughter did we've had her 16 months now we had the best intentions of keeping her in our home we had no idea she would decline as rapidly as she did ugh this is a nightmare

Well, before you think in terms of suing them, would it not be worthwhile to try again to get hold of them? Where have they disappeared to? Has there been a major confrontation between them and your husband?

"I just think it's sad that she has to pay for what her daughter did we've had her 16 months now we had the best intentions of keeping her in our home we had no idea she would decline as rapidly as she did ugh this is a nightmare"

No, I think it's sad that YOU have to pay for what MIL's daughter did. YOU have to pay for what MIL and her daughter did (if MIL signed over the house to the nephew; did this happen?). Your life is miserable because of it. Put yourself first in this whole scenario. You cannot remain the caregivers to MIL.

The sister and nephew have no contact with MIL?

The daughter doesn't call she basically had her come to our house and wash her hands of her she claims she has all these health problems ( which I call bull on) she won't come see her she doesn't call nothing that family is unstable I swear... CTTN55 it is sad I have to deal with this while my husband works I'm her caregiver I spend 95% of my time with her every day the 5 % I have to myself is when she finally goes to bed and I'm so exhausted I just wanna sleep then I get up to do it all over again if she doesn't get up 10 times as night my MIL won't leave the house she has never liked leaving the house I can't even sit in the living room with her during the day she kicks me out she is a mean woman I can only sit in the kitchen some days it's like my walls are closing in... I believe it's easier when there is a support system when all the siblings help I'm sure it still is difficult but not as difficult as 2 people just trying to get through the day. I thank everyone for their input truly I do

How long do you think you can keep this up before you too are ready to put mother in a cab and wash your hands of her?

What has your husband got to say about the situation?

What steps is HE taking to talk to HIS sister about HIS mother's care?

V,
Has your husband confronted his nephew with the option of turning over the cash for the house or signing the house back over to his grandmother so it could be sold to pay for her care? 

No one here would judge you for going the Nursing Home route.  Lots of us have had to travel that road.

lizzywho61 made a good point. If your husband could contact (I know it sounds like his side of the family is making themselves scarce) his nephew and demand the money otherwise he'll make a complaint of elder abuse or call the police. If he can't contact the nephew then he needs to file a complaint, period. Of course, this will take time, so time's ticking off the penalty period, but at least there's some action.

I would think that an elder abuse with financial exploitation would be very obvious to law enforcement, if you MIL was living with her daughter that is proof she had major issues, then the POA "sells" the house to her son, puts it in his name and never pays one thin dime. You bet these manipulative crew has gone in the shadows, that's where those kind of people live. I don't think you need to hire an attorney, this truly sounds like a situation for law enforcement. You and your husband should not have to meekly look the other way while his sister and her family have put your MIL in danger, yes, danger, when someone requires more care then can be given in home by loved ones they are in danger. When the brain is broken people do very crazy things that are often harmful to themselves and the people around them. Tell your husband to get on board and call the law but, if he hesitates, you call them, anyone can report elder abuse and financial exploitation of a senior (impaired senior). V do not everet anyone cause you guilt about the decision to place MIL, it is the hardest, most loving and compassionate thing that can be done for our loved ones when the time comes. Stand tall and proud that you have done the best you could for her and she's not even your mom. Stay in touch with us, use us to vent to, request info or whatever, we have all been and are caregivers, we understand the walk you are on. You can do this!

1) hire an attorney to go after those b*stards for the return of the house or 2) drop MIL off at ER next time is sick and refuse to take her home. She will become a ward of state and the State WILL go after the funds for the house or the return of the house so it can be used for MIL's care.

Get out of this. If it was a house - it could be well over a year of penalty period - or several years. You are going to have to be tough because no one else will. No one but you cares that you can no longer handle MIL. And if she kicks you out of your living room - why put up with that? Tell her NO! What is she going to do?

He's talked to his nephew he talked to his sister she basically doesn't care told us put her in a home. My husband is at his witts end as well that side of the family she's nothing wrong with their actions. My MIL is so far gone she has no clue what happened when his sister had her she was a little better than where she is now she had much more lucid moments but plain and simple she was taken advantage of my husband and I all we wanted was to try to keep her out of a nursing home we had the best intentions I wait on this woman hand a foot got her blood sugar under control, her kidneys are stable but mentally she is so far gone we had the area agency of aging last year but due to budget cuts they could not staff a home health aide so we tried adult day care she got booted out of there because of her attitude this woman has been mean and hateful her whole life I need to do more digging and see if the daughter did anything else to jeopardize her medicaid... on a personal note I don't regret agreeing to saying yes to helping take care of her however had I known we would be on our own and things would be this bad I may have said no I had just graduated from college, I lost my little sister and then we get his mom I swear it feels like I can put together a timeline of my life spiraling out of control and I know it sounds like I am throwing myself a pity party and I don't mean to I'm sure there are others who have it worse but this is my worst there has to be a light at the end of the tunnel

If you feel like having a pity party I'll bring the sandwiches, don't you worry - you vent away, this is what we're here for.

There may be other families "having it worse" - there's always *someone* who's having a rougher time in some way, no matter what's going on - but I don't think there are many being quite as unrealistic as your Sister In Law.

Don't care was made to care, don't care was hung... and all that.

Her accounting for what happened to your MIL's house, income and other assets is not optional. And if she won't co-operate with your husband in answering Medicaid's questions, then she will be obliged to answer to the authorities instead.

Depending on how long your MIL was living with her, it may well be that SIL incurred considerable costs and it was fine for MIL's money to be used to cover that. But the point is she can't just say "dunno, so what" - she has to account for the money. And she can't just decide to give a feckin' house to her son, not even if she considers it fair compensation.

Has your husband tried sending her a written version of Medicaid's application questions?

V,
I am hoping someone comes along with a better solution for you, until then I will grasp at some straws here.

The document regarding the house, was it a “do it yourself” document” that your SIL drew up herself? You said it was notarized. Was an Attorney involved in this contract? Was there wording in this document stating a payment plan nephew was supposed to stick to?

If an attorney was not involved in this “deal” and MIL has Dementia, ALZ, or otherwise in her right mind you may have some recourse.

You may want to check to see if your State has a Legal Aid Association that does based on income or free legal work.

I am sorry, this type of thing really grates on me. If your SIL was acting as MILs POA when all this happened she really is responsibile. If SIL is responsible for all this someone, in my opinion your husband needs to put SILs feet to the fire on this.

Sorry, rant over.

(((Hugs))) to you.

Your health is going to suffer if you keep this up. Why isn't H getting up with MIL during the night? She kicks you out of areas of your own house?

If your H doesn't agree to let the state take control of your MIL, then he will be clearly putting HER before YOU.

V,
Ohio Legal Aid. Google it. There are Attorneys that offer “pro bono services”, or so the Ohio State Bar Assn states.

You deserve a pity party. CM is bringing sandwiches. I will bring cookies and coffee if it’s a day party. Other beverages if it’s going to be a night party. ;)

One thing I just can’t get off my mind, you mentioned MIL was “out of it”. Was MIL out of it when this shady house transaction was done? If so, and an attorney was not involved to determine that on that day MIL was capable of doing this transaction you may have recourse.