What do we do if the aging person we are caring for is lying to us?

Here is a link from Agingcare.com about Confabulation which is what it sounds like the person you're caring for is doing:

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/how-to-handle-alzheimers-disease-lying-144204.htm

Dementia/Alzheimer's is a very difficult thing to deal with, for all concerned. Hopefully the article gives you some useful tips to help you navigate the stories she's telling.

Good luck!

If she has dementia, I'd read a lot about symptoms and delusions. Delusions are not uncommon with dementia. Of course, I'd discuss it with her doctor. They may want to rule out UTI, medication issues, etc. If she's overly anxious, agitated, worried, etc. I'd explore daily medication. My LO had some delusions that bothered her and some that did not. Some that she cried over and worried were that her cat could escape from the home through a crevice the size of a pea. She could not stop worrying, checking, pacing, taping the floors, walls, trying to keep the cat from escaping. She was inconsolable. The doctor prescribed a daily medication for anxiety and depression that really helped A LOT! It was amazing. That pretty much helped keep her content. Later on in MC, she had a few delusions that were pleasant. She thought that her doctor slept on the couch in her MC facility. And, that a deliveryman came on a large horse and took her riding to the store for ice cream! So, we talked about how much she enjoyed this. Occasionally, there would be something that was wrong that she could not explain verbally, but, after confirming there was no trouble, I'd comfort her by saying that things had been resolved, worked out, fixed, etc. And, that she could relax...all was well. Of course, I'd have to repeat this over and over, because, she would forget.

I would check to make sure that what she is describing is not true, though. Since, she isn't in touch with reality, I'd ensure that some trusted person supervises her for her own safety. You can't really convince her she's wrong. You might also check out some videos on you tube by Teepa Snow about managing someone with dementia.

She's not lying, this is part of her dementia symptoms. She fully believes what she's telling you, therefore, not lying. Experienced in-home helpers are totally familiar with this behavior. It would help you (and your mom) to educate yourself by researching dementia/cognitive decline. YouTube videos from Teepa Snow are very informative. You can't discuss "the truth" with her because what she is experiencing IS her truth. She is already in a disturbed state from her delusions, and arguing with her will make it worse. Spend your energies on learning about her cognitive decline and how to deal with it effectively. I wish you much wisdom!

That sounds time-consuming and stressful for you to have to constantly "fix" things and not knowing what she will say next. I've been told that elders will sometimes have a dream about something or see something on TV and they incorporate that into their thoughts because they think it happened. Alarming things are not uncommon. I had an elder tell me she witnessed a murder (she hadn't) and provided some details of such. Wow. She believed it 100%. And that wasn't the only thing she came up with. In her case, it helped to have her sleep regulated better (with medication) and her diabetes needed to be kept in check. Both seemed to help her overall functioning and incorrect thinking.