Follow
Share

Mom is in a facility so we don't see what happens when we aren't there. She is fine during the day but at night, her personality changes, from what I am told. She doesn't have a mean bone in her body. But this dementia, or the people who have worse memory issues than she does, is either making her worse or something. I was told that she could have sundowners. She doesn't wear her glasses, which is fine. Now she won't wear her hearing aids again. They are new. I don't think that the employees know how to deal with people like her. Although, I do like one of them. One of the care givers tonight when I stopped over, told me that she hit one of the caregivers when she either tried to give her the morning meds or tried to put on her hearing aids. She doesn't have any problems with me. Does anyone else deal with situations like this? I would love for her to live with us but I think that I would be in for a larger responsibility than I can handle.

Find Care & Housing
You may want to ask that Mom be tested for a urinary tract infection (UTI). My mom became angry, confused and combative when she had them. We had her tested monthly for them at her facility. They are common in the elderly.
Helpful Answer (10)
Reply to Ahmijoy
Report
Judy79 Sep 19, 2019
I will have her doctor write another order. Or just tell the director of memory care to have another one done. Thanks! But would it cause that behavior at night and not during the day?
(2)
Report
See 1 more reply
My mother who had vascular dementia  in her last few months of life was quite well in the day time but at night time developed  these really angry outbursts against care givers, hallucinating,, was terrified, distrustful &  confused. and would loose hearing aids tablets, glasses, them be reasonably fine in the day time.  Our dr gave an oral medicine  - Buccal Midazalone which helped calm her to a certain level and it was easy for everyone  to give. He said it was the normal progression of dementia, people stay at a level for months /years and then deteriorate without explaination, Talk to the Dr/Geriatrcian regarding meds he is dependant on feedback as they don't  witnesswhat was going on and meds may help her. As someone said check for any signs of infection, chest urine as sepsis will cause a lot of confusion and distress Best wishes on getting good support
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to martina16
Report

You are looking for trouble if you take her home. I made that mistake & she hits, punches curses , scratches, bites me & the private pay caregiver. She also curses her. Hard to hold onto caregivers but one stays. One caregiver quit because of the physical & verbal abuse. The SNF warned me this dementia gets worse. I have to give her medicine to control agitation, but lots of times she refuses..so I have to find other ways to give it...like in ice cream or a little piece of chocolate. That she never refuses. Please don’t ruin your life by taking her home. She don’t walk or stand so we use stand assist lift. She also now don’t know when she has to do number 2. She is incontinent. You have to change her diapers. I also have had to do wound care. So this is a full time job that pays nothing & get abused to boot. Sept 24 will be 2.5 years I discharged her from SNF. I thought she was going to not live long since the bones by her neck was showing & she was picking up every germ in the SNF. But since she home, she eats better & bones don’t show anymore. I was at SNF every day when she was there. ....but there is no end in sight now with her being home. So Please don’t take her home...it will be a major mistake.
Hugs 🤗
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to CaregiverL
Report
Judy79 Sep 23, 2019
Thanks! We all have our different experiences when taking care of our loved ones. At least my mom is fed healthy meals and is being taken care of very well.
(0)
Report
Lots of elders with dementia and Alzheimer's have great difficulty as the sun begins to set, aka Sundowners. You don't say what type of place your mom is in, ie: Memory Care Assisted Living or Skilled Nursing, etc, but the staff should definitely be very familiar with behavioral changes among residents in the evening hours, including aggression. My mother is in a Memory Care community where most of the residents are in worse shape than she is, mentally. So........they can get knocking on her door, thinking it's their room, which sets my mother off into a fit of fury like I've never witnessed before. She screams and yells and calls them horrible names instead of simply letting them know they're in the wrong place. Dementia has no rhyme or reason to it, does it? Please do NOT consider taking your mom home to live with you...........it's just too much to deal with as they progress down this road and worsen.

If your mother is refusing to wear her glasses and her hearing aids, then she's likely to be having even more behavioral troubles as she will have difficulty knowing where she is in space. Poor eyesight & poor hearing = trouble. If the care givers can find an effective way to help her on with both of these items, she'll be much better off.

Here is a link to some useful info about Sundowners:
https://www.seniorliving.org/health/sundown-syndrome/

Be sure to speak to the staff at your mom's community to make sure they DO have experience with memory issues/dementia/Alzheimer's, so you can feel assured she's being properly cared for and doesn't have to placed elsewhere.

Best of luck!
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to lealonnie1
Report
Judy79 Sep 19, 2019
Thanks! She is in memory care. Just like your mom. There are some people there that are calm. I talked to my mom's doctor about it and she told me that she might have to adjust some of her medicine.
I was told that if she starts creating any problems, that she will be asked to leave. She knows not to hit me. I don't want her to leave and I know that my brother doesn't either.
I would prefer she be moved to assisted living. But they need to show her again how to do some of the things for herself but they won't. Just like a little kid, if you don't show them, they won't learn?
I don't feel that they really know how to deal with people who have anger issues there. It seems all that they want are people that are calm all the time.
I was told that they told her that she should wear her hearing aids. She was told that she only needs to wear her glasses when she reads but she doesn't do that. I will talk to her again about her wearing her hearing aids. I made a sign for her about what she should do. I can just as easily get back to her in a nice way.
And don't worry,I won't bring her home with me. Still working full time and no time to take care of her properly. Plus she is with other people and with us she would be with just the cats during the day and us during the night.
(3)
Report
See 3 more replies
It definitely sounds like Sundowner's. Following your question there is a blueish green symbol with the word sundowner's syndrome. If you click it it goes to a page on this site with all of the information about the topic. I think if you read it, it will become clear that you should really take to heart your last sentence that you'd love for her to live with you but it could be more than you can handle. It seems very clear when reading more about sundowners that trying to handle this stage at home is often the proverbial straw that breaks the camel's back. If she is in a good facility you are doing the right thing by keeping her there and trying to add services/ meds there to get this resolved. Sundowning is commonly associated with Alz. If she's in memory care, employees should be equipped to deal with her and your Dr. should be able to treat based on what the care team is reporting.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to onlychild22
Report

I was caregiver for my Mom in her condo before I needed to place her in a Memory Wing of a care home. Yes, what you are saying is Sundowning. Each person exhibits it some what differently, but yet the same. I can not begin to tell you about all the things my Mother said and did. The Memory section of the home was the very best for Mom. She would have needed 24 constant care/supervision etc by a skilled person if remained at home, of which there was no way humanly possible I could do. Dementia/Alzheimers is a journey of changes, many happen fast. The main thing through it all is let her know you love her with your kind words, hugs and kisses. It is not easy for you, I know, but as the child of a parent that is going through this, we are now the parent giving the comfort and love as they once did to us when we were little children. However they could correct us when we did something wrong or unsafe, where with this disease....we can't correct them, they can't learn and it would make it worse. There were times my Mother would say or do things that would make me laugh about it when I got home and those times I still remember along with all the many good times through the years. I know it is not easy, but try to focus on those times.. My Mom passed away over 10 years ago at age 94. Now my husband is in the mid stage of Alzheimers. I know from my experience with Mom, things can change in an instant, so live in the now. I wish you and your Mom a very sunny day, filled with love. I hope I was able to be of help to you.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to Marylepete
Report
Judy79 Sep 23, 2019
I had to hug my mom to get her out of her anger and it worked. Also working at them putting her hearing aids put on daily. I always hug my mom and tell her that I love her each time before I leave to go home. Having her hearing aids in are such a big help. Hard to me to remember to clean them but I am doing the best that I can whenever i am there. The caregivers there have a lot that they are responsible for and the little things that I can do for my mom, I will.

My mom/we were told that she has mild unspecified for years. She is 88. And her doctor said that she will have good and bad days. It is expected. Shoot, I have my good and bad days too. :)
(3)
Report
Judy, has your mother been evaluated by a Geriatric Psychiatrist?

In my mom's journey with Vascular Dementia, the GeriPsych folks and the advanced practise nurses who worked with them were the best source of information and treatment. They were able to get mom on a regimen of meds that kept her calm but not knocked out.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn
Report
Judy79 Sep 19, 2019
No she hasn't. She was evaluated by a neuro psych doctor because she was wandering out of her apartment 3 times. And she was was confused about some things. Her doctor said that she might have to adjust her meds. She is planning on going to see her next week. Will try and let you know what I find out.
(4)
Report
So, in MC units I've had experience with, patients will ne transferred, temporarily to a geripsych unit or "senior behavioral unit" to get meds adjusted.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn
Report
lealonnie1 Sep 19, 2019
Ok, that makes sense. The MC my mother is at, and the one I work at, neither are large enough to have other units. Moms place houses 26 residents and my job houses 56.
(1)
Report
See 3 more replies
Teepa Snow on YouTube has been a tremendous help. She has wisdom on how to approach Alzheimer’s and Dementia. Perhaps you could recommend her to staff.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Keeperofthegate
Report
Judy79 Sep 23, 2019
We are all learning. This facility has been in existence for 4 years.
(1)
Report
First of all, please understand that dementia is not just a "forgetting" disease. Many aspects of the person is impacted. Their entire behavior might change in addition to memory loss. Some people become withdrawn and others become violent. There is no predicting nor preventing or controlling the behavior. Sundowning is very common. They frequently become more agitated then, and might be more prone to act out. Striking out physically is more likely to be then than first thing in the AM, although as you have learned, they might try to hit someone at any time. I'm sorry there isn't more I can say to help. If you don't feel her caregivers are up to the task, it might be time to move her to a specialized facility where people are specifically trained to deal with patients in that stage of disease. At this point, moving her into your home is the last thing I would recommend, especially if you have children. You certainly do not want to put them at risk.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Kathy4177
Report
Judy79 Sep 23, 2019
Thanks! I think that they are just getting used to her and they to them. She usually isn't agitated unless provoked. Been trying to keep her hearing aids in, at least I hope that they are.
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
See All Answers

Ask a Question

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter