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My boyfriend of 3 years is 22 and "caring for" his grandparents. We are both CNAs. She has bi-polar and dementia and he is physically degrading and she is becoming more violent. We are concerned she will hurt him and he just lets her. My boyfriend lives with them and his grandfather is okay with it and his grandma used to be. She calls the cops and kicks him out every other day and it is really effecting him. Again, we are concerned with the safety of the two and want to know how to get help.

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Dear MBornemanCNA,

I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriend's grandparents. It is important to step in and get them help ASAP for their own safety. I hope you can talk to their doctor or nurse or arrange a meeting with a social worker to access all available resources in the community for them.

Sorry to hear the grandmother's behaviour is escalating. I wonder if she is not taking her meds, or taking too much. Or possibly suffering from a UTI or some other undiagnosed ailment. I hope you can find the right care for her and the grandfather.
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Have you talked to her doctor about her actions? Has anyone considered getting a psyiatric eval or admitting her to a behavioral unit to see if meds will help?

Are you both mandated reporters? If you are witnessing GMA abuse grandpa, shouldn't that be called in to APS or his doctor notified?
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BM, first thing, have Grandmother tested for an Urinary Tract Infection. With elders, an UTI can cause a person to become violent. Antibiotics should help cure the infection.

If it turns out Grandmother's violent issues aren't UTI related, then it would be time for her to move into a Nursing Home where there are skilled personnel to be around her 24 hours a day. I would hate to see your boyfriend lose his job because he needs to be home to take care of both Grandparents. Medicaid can help with the room, board, and cost of her care if she can be approved by medicaid [each State is different].

Depending on Grandfather's condition, he might also try for medicaid or be self-pay until his savings run out, and see if he can be in the same complex. If at all possible, try to keep them together.
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