What do people/ Caregivers do to protect their energy from draining away?

wish I had an answer. I'm expected to help entertain my aunt, who's housebound with heart failure, bored and extremely negative, and to provide emotional support for my mother who moved in to care for Auntie and calls me every day to vent as much as I'll let her. Getting so much negativity from them both constantly is really taking it out of me and stopping me from doing some things I really need to.

Starting counseling Wednesday. Wish me luck....

Of all the daily tasks involved with my mother's care, bathing was the most exhausting one for me. As you have detailed, there's lots of time and effort to the process, and it's also nerve-racking if the patient is unsteady or disabled like my mother - I had to be on the alert for a possible stumble or fall the entire time.

I finally bit the bullet and decided to hire a CNA through an agency, to take care of bath days (2 times a week). This costs about $300-400/month out-of-pocket, but to me, it's worth every nickel. The CNA also changes Mom's bed linens, does light cleaning in her room, cleans her bathroom and does her laundry. I also have greater peace of mind knowing that a trained professional is handling her safely and properly.

It is draining. It is completely exhausting. I totally understand that you need to rest afterwards. Rest when you need to.

Hugs!

Have you considered this is too much for you? Can you call Council on Aging in your area? They will do an assessment. She certainly sounds as if she would qualify. There is usually a wait list so I would call soon.

They will bathe her, help her dress, fix a light meal, be a companion and sit with her usually a couple of times a month for a four hour shift.

Yes, once a week she goes to adult day care for the morning and part of the afternoon. That helps both of us as she comes home more cheerful. She does help with the dressing, and the other ADLs as long as I'm telling her step by step what to do. Sometimes I do it for her, but I'm always directing her. And no we are not into perfection, it's never been our lifestyle to have perfect hair and clothes, just clean and neat. And I do want her to keep whatever independence she has for as long as possible, but sometimes it's just easier to help her with these tasks and do them. It's just so complicated emotionally taking care of a parent, and I know so many others here have tougher situations then I do, but I just wondered what others do to prevent that feeling of being completely drained after certain caregiving tasks like bathing, which is a very personal space. Hope this makes sense, thanks, T. Oh and I've been helping her with ADLs for about 8 years and another five years before that taking care of running her life as she has had memory problems for years. She's 94 and even though she has these memory problems, she's still responsive to suggestions (when she's not resisting which is a constant). But I know she's understanding my speech as I direct her because she can do those things after.

Well, professional caregivers are usually part of a team. And they get paid, and they get time off, and they're trained, and even on the roughest days they know when their shift is going to end (approximately, anyway!). Little things like that make all the difference :)

The routine you seem to be going through with your mother is very comprehensive. I know that the forms I see filled in every day would ask "what is the person able to do for herself?" And I expect your reply would be "none of it!" - but all the same, it may be that one reason your mother isn't able to do any of these tasks is that you're working to very high standards, and that if you could adjust to her hair not being perfect, her clothes a bit skewiff, its just all taking longer, she then could do more. Not all of it, but more of it. Which would be better for her (less infantilising) and in some ways better for you (less discouraging but - sorry! - more time-consuming).

How long has your mother been so dependent on you? Do you ever get respite breaks?