Big day is Mon/Tues first week of May. Thanks for the step-by-step suggestions & ideas from others. Trying to get things together for the move & keep myself together:)
Assuming that your husband's dementia is becoming advanced:
Nothing at all - unless he asks, in a way that shows awareness and/or anticipation - up until moving day.
During moving day, you tell him what is happening at that immediate moment: "we're making sure we have everything we need." [packing] "we are going to [name of ALF], and when we get there we'll have lunch." "this is (e.g.) Sarah. She is the person who is in charge." "this is us! It's a lovely, light room, isn't it? Let's get your things put away."
So - keep to the moment, is the rule.
When it's time to go, first get back up - your husband should have a named worker who is taking charge of him. You introduce him/her and wait until your husband's attention is engaged. Then you reassure him that you will see him very soon, you tell him you are going out but you will be back [when], you kiss him goodbye as you normally would when you're going out, and then you leave, smiling, and you have a good cry in the car park.
I hope you will also find that the ALF staff are past masters at this routine and will be tremendously supportive.
For your husband, it might be better to say that AL will take over some of the heavy work you have to do. You will be less tired, and you are looking forward to being able to visit him and spend enjoyable time with just the two of you.
Nothing at all - unless he asks, in a way that shows awareness and/or anticipation - up until moving day.
During moving day, you tell him what is happening at that immediate moment: "we're making sure we have everything we need." [packing]
"we are going to [name of ALF], and when we get there we'll have lunch."
"this is (e.g.) Sarah. She is the person who is in charge."
"this is us! It's a lovely, light room, isn't it? Let's get your things put away."
So - keep to the moment, is the rule.
When it's time to go, first get back up - your husband should have a named worker who is taking charge of him. You introduce him/her and wait until your husband's attention is engaged. Then you reassure him that you will see him very soon, you tell him you are going out but you will be back [when], you kiss him goodbye as you normally would when you're going out, and then you leave, smiling, and you have a good cry in the car park.
I hope you will also find that the ALF staff are past masters at this routine and will be tremendously supportive.
When is the big day?