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My brother abuses my mother.

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Thank you, mslynne: I suggested the hidden cameras.
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YES cameras. You can have on on a computer or there are 'spy shops' that sell cameras that are in pictures etc. VERY easy to record visual and audio. Worth it! Just if the patient is paranoid make sure they are ok with it. But proof...nothing like it.
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Tell the truth. It will absolutely set you free!
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You can also contact the county Aging Dept. and report it. They can do a home visit, but tell them it has to be a surprise visit or your brother will be on his best behavior.
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In order to report this to the police, you're going to have to have proof and that won't be easy. A camera hidden, a tape recorder hidden?=possible ways.
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judy, we can give you some ideas here but the main thing is to *intervene* for sure. You can't worry too much about how you'll sound when protecting one weaker person from another. If it's verbal abuse, have a firm and clear talk with him and let him know you'll be watching. If it's physical abuse, call the police now. Good luck.
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Judy: There really isn't sufficient information to base an answer to your question. There are many circumstances that could color this situation. For example, does your brother live with mom? Does she live in a facility. Is this abuse financial or physical or both (if it's physical your safety may be an issue). Has their relationship always been strained? How are you doing this intervention? What do you hope to get out if it? Is he the caregiver? Are you? How does Mom feel or can she express an opinion? Does brother have some sort of other problem that contributes to his abuse (like addiction, or mental or physical illness)? There are so many questions to change the answer. Ultimately it comes down to what you will happen from this intervention. You know the parties, you know the situation, you know how they respond to certain types of situations.
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The worst day of my life came when I witnessed my elderly father go into full on boxing mode and slug my mother, who has Alzheimer's. I spoke to my father in a way I never have before, telling him he would never hurt my mommy again even though I had never seen him do it before. I told him to sit down, while I took Mom to the bathroom, ran out in the hall to interrupt my sister's phone call, and got her out of there. I called my dad's counselor at the VA and had my sister call her attorney, who called his. They were never allowed alone together again. Mom is in an assisted living facility now and my father visits her every day with my brother. Dad is rested from his care giving and is doing better than he has been in years. Mom, well, let's just say that she is the one who got the worse end of the stick. She doesn't remember what happened, but occasionally still comments, "We used to be such good friends, and it all went capoot; I don't know what happened."
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How does confronting help when they already know what they are doing...I'd report it asap and follow up. Seems many times you report things and agencies/organizations do nothing about it. there are a lot of lazy people in this world...I tried to prosecute someone who was harassing my disabled daughter. The prosecutor said because it was an aide from an agency and I didn't have a last name and address (yes they don't have to give you that if you hire from an agency) that he wouldn't bother to prosecute. They said they already have enough cases where they do have that info and don't have to FIND it that those cases come first. WHAT? REALLY? That is the prosecutors office in Columbus Ohio. Help is getting harder and harder to get. So follow up. You have to make people do their jobs it seems. I've tried for 4 months to get Aetna to provide providers (aides and nurses) names and numbers to me and they have a contract with Medicaid to do this. I contacted CMS even and politicians including the governor's office with help from a federal senator. STILL no response. People just don't want to do their jobs anymore. It's terrible. And how they get BY with things...it's amazing. And they want to drug test people on Medicaid? More money...more work we don't need as much as other things. Who is running this country these days? the world don't make sense to me anymore. It used to be illegal to fraud the government or spit on the sidewalk. While laws exist it seems prosecution is almost unheard of. It all ties into your question. Follow up and make sure the complaint saves your loved one from abuse. If not the lazy people who are running things will continue to do nothing. It's up to us to fight for those who cannot. And what a fight it IS! God bless and give you strength to continue the fight. It's worth it. Be strong.
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TRY THE TRUTH, AS YOU KNOW IT.
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What do you mean "intervention?" Do you mean confronting your brother or reporting him to authorities?
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