What do I need to transport Dad to the cemetery myself?

I’ve seen very attractive urns on Amazon. They are affordable as well.

My husband has requested that his remains be put in a U-Haul box and buried in the forest. I’m not taking that seriously. LOL

Funeral homes do a lot of work for their fees and are willing to work with you around a budget. They have all the expertise that you don't. It costs nothing to sit down with a funeral director to learn your options as well as the local regulations/laws that affect your decision. Even if there was someone on here who had done what you are asking about - it all depends on your locality.

Is the desire to DIY for money or other reasons? Ask yourself if transporting the casket & his body will help your healing process. If not - maybe it makes sense to pay a funeral home to transport the body for you? We had a barebones funeral for mom and the home's charge for transport to crematorium was around $200. When we brought her ashes to the cemetery - they charged $500 to open & close the grave but it was clear they were not used to working with families as opposed to funeral homes. Someone needed to be the go-between and I remember my grief had to take a backseat to the logistics.

Not using a funeral home is like going to court without a lawyer - you'd have to be very educated and prepared to protect yourself. 2 weeks might not be enough time to achieve that level of knowledge...

Thinking through DIY funerals - I would want to know:
1) where will dad go after he dies (deceased bodies need refrigeration unless you're going to bury him right away)
2) who is going to prepare the body and put it in the casket
3) who will put the casket in the truck & then again in the ground
4) what documents are needed for this process, etc.

There is a lot of good information on line about green funerals, and more and more are being done for personal reasons anymore, not nessasarily cost savings either, but I'm sure you have done some research on this, and know more than I. Of course"in the old days, the 30's and prior, we often hear stories of how our parents grandparents were"laid out" in the livingroom for family to pay their respects, and it was perfectly natural, the of course, it all became very commercial. But if this is a way in which your family wishes to honor your Father, and this is also his desire, I think it's Awesome! And like you said, keeping some humor, andvfaith present in this is a beautiful way to honor your Dad. There is nothing crepy or scary, its your Dad's body, and he deserves to have what he wants if you can go about it in a way that you also feel comfortable with it, and of course that you aren't breaking any serious laws. I know that in the case of my own Dad's burial, that his body was refrigerated, and not embalmed, and I don't recall that this was so much a cost saving issue, or just that it was recommended or that we for sure would be having him buried within 4 days of his dying, but I do know, that my Mom wanted one last look at my Dad at the Catholic Church, and just she and I together had the funeral director open his casket, and he looked fantastic! He was cold of course, but looked exactly like my Dad, and I'm so glad we did that. If there were No rules or regulations, I would have No qualms transporting my Loved one to their burial site. So good on you for considering it, and good luck with your endeavors! And more than that, I'm sorry that you are losing your Dad soon, it's one of the hardest things I've ever done, but you will get through it and it sounds like you are preparing wisely. Take care!

Laws vary by state, and there are laws about who a body can be released to.
Here in MN, a body will never be released to an individual. It must be only to a licensed funeral home. Find out the rules before assuming anything.

Eyerishlass, no apologies necessary. And the movie reference is appreciated! If we can't find ways to laugh at times like this, the sorrow becomes unbearable.

As for thinking my post was a prank...is anyone familiar with the Janet Evonavich (sp?) books with Stephanie Plum? The first thing I thought of when asked to transport my Dad was, "I need a Lula!". So, there you go.

I want to thank everyone who made suggestions and to let you know that I will follow up on some of them. The hardest part of all of this is not being able to communicate with my brother. So I concentrate on the parts I am being asked to do and try to keep the process simple. As many of you know, the "authorities" involved try to do the exact opposite. Usually because it is to their advantage.

My father wants to be buried next to his father, and my mother (who was cremated) will go into the casket with him. My brother has already signed a contract for that much. It's just the "funeral" side that still needs to be mapped out. But as I said before, I'm not asking because of the volatility of my brother's temper.

I am not a whiner. I believe in personal strength and responsibility. But Dad made his choices. And my brother made his. To those that will say, "that's a cop out", there is (isn't there always?) a whole story left untold here. History that is important. I have been over and over the choices along the way and know in my heart that we would still be where we are right now.

The fantasy that the family could come together for a laying out, have a service at home, transport to the cemetery, then have a party celebrating Dad's life is a wonderful one. I believe it takes a high level of family commitment and mutual support to be successful in removing the formal funeral home from the process.

That is not our family, however. My brother, in his grief, is more volatile than ever and I won't even go visit my father without my husband with me. Right now, I'm just trying to make sure he's not hanging me out to dry.

The transport is across a county line, within the same state. I will try to see what the local police in both counties say, and maybe the state troopers. I still haven't decided to do this, but this gives me something to do to keep my mind busy.

I thought this question was a prank so I gave a flip answer. My sincerest apologies to zebra.

Mincemeat, that is so true. Humans in the US have certainly made the end of life expensive and stressful. It doesn't have to be this way. All the regulations in place have to be paid for by the people who often don't have that kind of money.

I actually had a neighbor do his own transport in rebellion from the funeral home asking $1500 to transport 4 miles from the funeral home to the city cemetary. Washed and shined up his truck and had the pall bearers unload and carry per local tradition.

Since you are quoting movies...and after Jeannes post....remember Lonesome Dove where Captain Call carried Gus's body from Montana to Texas for burial? That portion of the story is taken from a real life occurance where cattle baron Charles Goodnight carried his business partner Oliver Loving's body to be buried in his favorite Pecan grove in south Texas.

In this new era and new economy we may even begin some new traditions of our own!

In many cemetaries, you are required to install a concrete or fiberglass vault (liner) into the plot. Call your county coronor and they WILL know the local requirements. Many are now opting for a "green" funeral where the deceased is not embalmed (closed casket) because of reluctance to put more chemicals into the environment. I think that spending $14000 for a modest funeral has gotten way out of hand and impossible for most families.

Between consulting with the coronor's office and the cemetary rules, you will have your answer. And if you don't feel comfortable using your truck, have your family rent one for the day. Sorry for your loss.

Watch "Weekend At Bernie's".

Zebra - what all this sounds like is a "direct burial" with no funeral, no visitation, no wake, no rosary...right? Dad dies & is buried ASAP.

If so, what you all are planning is along the lines of "aninut" which is the traditional within 24 hours burial done by Jews. Burial needs to be done within the first 24 unless the Sabbath or high holy days push it to within 72 hrs. But has to happen within 72. At the gravesite just a short prayer & dirt turn with a spade but no real graveside service. No tent, no at-the-church service, no mass, no visitation, no funeral procession, no long involved funeral & graveside service as Catholics or Protestants can do. Sometimes only a couple of family will even go graveside as everbody else is at whatever home that is going sit shiva.

I mention this because if there is a Congregation or synagogue where you are, they are going to have a funeral home that their members use & that know what has to be done to be within state laws for a direct burial. I'd call and ask what FH are on their list. Now within "aninut" a FH is involved with a basic service fee and they usually transport the body in a minimal cost container to cemetery & arrange for grave prep. cost is around 1K - 3K all in.

You can also contact the Medical Examiners office or coroners office to find out what state law requires as well.

I agree. I looked into the details and requirements in my state about when embalming is and is not required, when is a vault required, etc. I learned that Direct burial is very economic and is really worth the money. That way you are assured that the law is upheld and the burial and transport is done properly.

zebra - I know you're trying to steer clear of funeral homes - but your father has not passed and it is perfectly acceptable talk to funeral home directors about possibilities. Is there a state funeral director's association you can call?

As I stated before, there are pretty clear laws about the handling and burial of the deceased in every state....some states are quite liberal, some are not. You need to know those laws in your state before you load the pickup truck and drive into a heap of trouble right when you don't need it.

Send him off to the local ER now and let him pass there and let them handle everything.

This reminds me of many years ago, when an older cousin, L, died. He was to be buried about 200 miles from the hospital where he died, in another state. His brother R said he would be happy to make one last trip with him, and R transported the coffin (I think the body was in a coffin -- can't remember for sure) in his SUV. That night included real blizzard conditions. The car almost wound up in a ditch more than once. Now this all sounds rather morbid, I suppose, but both of these men loved a joke and were/are fantastic story tellers, and many, many people have had a good laugh over how the R tells the story of his last trip with joke L

I suggest that if you do this at all, you have some fun with it.

BUT a very valid reason not to do it, whatever the law says, is that YOU are not comfortable with the idea. You do need to do your fair share, and you want to be supportive. But I think expecting you to transport the body in this way is above and beyond a reasonable fair share.

If money is the major concern, cremation may be a more acceptable and dignified alternative, with a memorial service as convenient, perhaps in a community center rather than a funeral home.

This is your father's death we are talking about. Your feelings about how his remains should be treated are as valid as your brother's. Decide for yourself how you want to participate in this event.

Call the police in your area and ask. There are rules about who can transport the deceased. But if it's a big deal, the police should be able to tell you the proper procedure.

Can the county coroner transport for less than the mortuary?

You can save the most money by opting for cremation.
You can save on a casket by ordering it from Costco (no kidding, google it they have detailed instructions). They ship to the funeral because the body needs to be prepared - not a DIY option.
Lastly, check the web page for your medical examiners office. In my county, at least, they have very detailed instructions for low income deceased, there is a free option.

Zebra I know where You are coming from, and yes I admire You for being so practical. I know when My own Mom's battle with Alzheimer's is finally over, I will have Mother Waked at home for a day + night, and to the Church next day for Funeral Mass and burial.
The way I see it is, if You ask the Authorities They will refuse and say..oh there are certain standards You need to meet....
But if You go right ahead You will probably succeed because You will have the advantage. Good Luck.

I wouldn't want to be involved in it. The body has to be prepared in a certain way and the casket has to meet certain regulations. I wondered how the body was supposed to be released to you and received for burial. I don't have any ethical problems with the idea of homemade caskets and toting a body in a truck, I just don't how the authorities would feel about it. They are the ones that matter, because the cemetery probably won't receive your father if things are not done by the book.

Not sure if there are sentimental reasons for the DIY, or if your brother is being a total cheapskate and doesn't mind putting YOU in legal jeopardy. You are right to be uncomfortable unless you know its legal, and even then I think we all understand. I had the privilege of holding a wooden box of cremains for the duration of the short the car ride for my FILs memorial service - it was small and low key, but I did feel more than little creepy about the whole thing to be perfectly honest.

There's a website called Everplans, that appears to have a good bit of information on the subject, in cling regs for each state. In some states, you need a Trans porter's License".

pfontes - my brother is making those arrangements and last I was told, he was trying to bypass the funeral home part of the process all together, so that's not an option for me.

Babalou - He has been in contact with the cemetery and signed a contract for the burial portion of the process. They gave him the dimensions for the grave liner so the casket could be made to fit within the boundaries.

Folks, I will answer your questions as I can, but I was just wondering if anyone had done this themselves and what the receiving cemetery had required. I have read stories of folks "laying out" at home and finding "green buriels". Transportation to such must be part of the process.

It is an understatement to say my brother and I don't communicate well. And though I know I may not be phrasing things well, he, in his grief, takes his angst out on me. As a result, I investigate all my own questions to avoid negative confrontations. This whole process is hard enough.

I think perhaps you need to talk to the cemetery in question what their regulations do and don't permit. We had my mil cremated and the cemetery had very specific regulations about what sort of container they were allowed to accept for burial . Find out who regulates cemeteries in your state and what the laws are. Caskets may have to meet a certain code.

Each state has laws about the handling of corpses. I think maybe you should speak to a funeral director yourself.