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My brother and SIL are caregivers for our 97 yr old mother. They took on this responsibility three years ago for monetary compensation. Now that they no longer need the money, they want to place her in a senior home. My husband and I are in our late 70s and cannot care for her full time. So far we've helped out by taking her 2 to 3 days a week without any monetary compensation. I have POA for mom. I'd like to know what I need ahead of time for the transition from private home to senior care facility. Our mom needs assisted care, plus she has moderate dementia. Will I need to have her mentally evaluated, or is that something the facility determines once she has become a resident? My heart hurts. My brother assured me he would never put her in a senior home. I realize that burnout isn't something most caregivers expect to have, but this was so sudden.

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Thanks, wally003. I will probably shoot for the CCRC, so she won't have to move from one building to another. I agree, my half brother and his wife took on more than they could chew. It's probably just as well she move away from them. Both of us sharing her has caused much distress and anger between us these past 3 years. His wife and I are currently not speaking to each other. I'm barely speaking to him. He's the baby in the family. Nuff said.
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Reply to sudalu
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I hope you can find your mom a good facility! At my moms assisted living its a very good place. Its a smaller facility, maybe 40 - 50 rooms on one floor. Nice dining room and $6 for a guest meal (good food) Pies, ice cream, cookies etc for dessert. Mom likes me to have lunch with her. Lots of great people there who really do care. Activities, shopping on the bus, some bus trips, special meals on mothers day/fathers day/holidays. Beauty Salon. Med Techs to give RX. Next door there is a Memory Care Building. My mom has Alzheimers. For now she is doing ok, but may have to move, we shall see. My mom is self pay and it is rather expensive. In my opinion no one should feel bad for getting extra help for their elderly loved one. There is still plenty to do with my mom in assisted living. I visited her regularly and I would probably be burned out(crashed & burned) if it wasn't for assisted living.  Yes, it does hurt to go thru this, but I really needed the support with moms dementia. Its possible your brother didn't realize how long and hard this journey would be.
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It may seem sudden to you, but chances are this was not a snap decision by your brother and SIL. Sometimes, when caring for a person with dementia, no amount of money can compensate for what you have to endure. If your brother is close to your age, chances are he’s worn out.

Start touring facilities now. If Mom is on the dementia journey, it’s best that she go to a skilled nursing facility and not to Assisted Living. That way, as her condition declines, you won’t have to move her again. They will evaluate her. If she needs to be in their Memory Care unit, they will tell you. You can call a Care Conference any time if you have questions or concerns, and you should be scheduled for one every three months.

When you decide on a facility, you’ll have to fill out many papers. If you need to apply for Medicaid their financial office can help you. It’s good that you already have POA. That makes it easier.

Good luck. Come back and let us know how it works out.
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sudalu Aug 23, 2018
Thank you, Ahmijoy. My brother is 15 years younger than me and he insisted on taking care of her because they needed the cash. I wanted to put her in a nice independent facilicty when she first came to live with us. She found the perfect place, but he pressured her to stay with them. Now she can no longer go into an independent facility, and perhaps not even an assisted living one. She has never lived alone and suffers from anxiety and depression. I understand the burnout, it's hard on us to watch her 2 or 3 days a week. When she's at my house, I spend every waking minute with her. At their house she sits in a chair in front of the TV all day. I blame myself for not going along with my gut in the beginning.
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The facility you pick will evaluate Mom for services. The more they need to do for her, the more her care will cost. Her room and board should be a set price for a yr. Her care could change.
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