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She doesn't fight with us...the most she will do is say NO to something, but we can usually get her to do it (take pills, bath, whatever). Hospice will start helping us next week. I do not want her to go to a nursing home, and I do. How do we make a decision like that?

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I am sorry for the situation you find yourself in. These are heartbreaking decisions.

a close friend went through this too. Gradually she came to understand that the person she was caring for was no longer her Dad. Alzheimer’s stole his past and his identity.

she was becoming afraid of him and his violent outbursts.
finally came the day he attacked her with a knife. He honestly did not know her and was sure she was trying to kill him.

with My own Dad, I could see the violence escalating too. I was days away from moving him into a MC facility when he suddenly died.

please take care of yourself and make sure you are always safe. Take heart. Know that you are doing the best for everyone involved.
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I failed to take into consideration just how physically disabled my mother would become (basically like a newborn child) and how long she could live that way (two years, 18 months of that in a nursing home). People can and do manage to provide that level of care in the home but it is a tough, tough thing to do both physically and mentally. You mention "us", that you have supports is a major bonus.
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Realize your limitations on being able to provide 24/7 care. Is this something you can really do? Hospice will send caregivers to help a few hours a few times a week. Will that be enough help? Connect with the social worker and let them know your hesitation and fears.

Recognizing your limitations is key. Will you emotionally be able to do this? Will mom be receiving the best care possible? What would be the best solution for mom? I would think that the pros in a nursing home would be the only option with your hesitation.

I am sorry you are going through this. Many time the most difficult is being honest with ourselves. This is not something that can be fixed.
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