I think changing the locks is a very good idea, I agree that it is not good for her to keep going back to her place. One way to get around the "upsetting the rest of the family" aspect of denying them the opportunity of taking her back to her home is for your husband to talk to his mum's doctor and get advice from the doctor that she should not go back there as it is too upsetting for her. That way you are not the "bad guys": you are just following doctor's orders.
They have no right to be helping themselves to things in the house and are using your mil to do this and don't care that it is upsetting her. It is so unfortunate that family is so "greedy" for the stuff. I have seen it before and it is very distressing to those who really care.
Putting the type of things they are taking into storage is also a good idea. I question if, at this stage of her disease, that she could help you go through her things, Part of the disease is that it is difficult for them to plan and make rational decisions. Mother has vascular dementia and needed to be in a geriatric psychiatric hospital for a while till they figured out the right meds for her. She has been in a 2 bedroom apartment in an ALF and pretty independent up till then. After it became evident that she could not go back there, I let the apartment go and put her stuff into storage until she moved out of the hospital into one room in another facility. Sig other and I set the room up to look as much like "her" as we could and disposed of the rest of her things as she would never need them again. It was a sad time. I don't think at that point mother could have made the decisions that we did, nor did she ask to be involved. Good luck to you. Let us know how it works out,
Your husband has POA...first I would change the locks on the doors. If anyone asks why tell them too many keys were missing and you didn’t want outstanding keys when it’s sold. But I’m not understanding how family is absconding with her from your house without your permission. But somehow they are, so change the door locks, and they won’t be able to get in. Also I would move all her furniture out to a storage unit. ASAP. Then later at your leisure, you and husband and she can access the unit and go through her things without the emotional attachment of seeing them in her old house.
Don’t let them put her through an emotional wringer like this. It’s not right. Some people are such a pain in the ass. You’ve got to outwit them.
Hi JoAnn: Yes he does and MIL has dementia. She lives with us now and is 90. Her house is being sold, but the others continue to bring her there and take her things. She is upset after each time and it takes days to get her back to any form of reality. They give her false hope which we think is very cruel.
As Ceecee says -we need more information to be able to give helpful answers such as examples of what is the family is doing that concerns you, and what are your husband's requests to them, I see from your profile you are looking after "Ellie". What are the family relationships here? Is Ellie your mother or MIL? Does Ellie have any health issues?
The family members that are causing concerns are bringing her back to her home (which is in the process of being sold (she still has her key so far); they take things they want without telling my husband, and she has dementia as well as frail general health. My husband feels that by doing this is just too upsetting to her and it takes a few days before she gets back to her sense of normal. I think it is cruel and gives her false hope because she wants to go back home to live, and my MIL keeps talking about it every time she goes there because with the dementia, it keeps "replaying" in her brain. Thank you for any advice and for your concerns.
Thanks so much for asking for more information. I have been so tired and very upset lately that I failed to express everything. My husband and I have stated that we should all meet together to go with her to her home to let her decide (as much as she is capable of) who she would like to have the things in her home which is in the process of being sold. She still has her key and the others continue to take her there and take what they want and when she gets back to the our house, is usually upset for a few days. We are more concerned for her health and well being than material things. She is better health wise right now, but the dementia is progressing and is therefore forgetting more. We feel that bringing her there constantly is cruel to her and giving her false hope of living there again.
I think changing the locks is a very good idea, I agree that it is not good for her to keep going back to her place. One way to get around the "upsetting the rest of the family" aspect of denying them the opportunity of taking her back to her home is for your husband to talk to his mum's doctor and get advice from the doctor that she should not go back there as it is too upsetting for her. That way you are not the "bad guys": you are just following doctor's orders.
They have no right to be helping themselves to things in the house and are using your mil to do this and don't care that it is upsetting her. It is so unfortunate that family is so "greedy" for the stuff. I have seen it before and it is very distressing to those who really care.
Putting the type of things they are taking into storage is also a good idea. I question if, at this stage of her disease, that she could help you go through her things, Part of the disease is that it is difficult for them to plan and make rational decisions. Mother has vascular dementia and needed to be in a geriatric psychiatric hospital for a while till they figured out the right meds for her. She has been in a 2 bedroom apartment in an ALF and pretty independent up till then. After it became evident that she could not go back there, I let the apartment go and put her stuff into storage until she moved out of the hospital into one room in another facility. Sig other and I set the room up to look as much like "her" as we could and disposed of the rest of her things as she would never need them again. It was a sad time. I don't think at that point mother could have made the decisions that we did, nor did she ask to be involved. Good luck to you. Let us know how it works out,
Don’t let them put her through an emotional wringer like this. It’s not right. Some people are such a pain in the ass. You’ve got to outwit them.