One strategy that I've read about is to ask your mom where SHE thinks he is. Sometimes you might be surprised by an answer that acknowledges he has passed on, from there you can agree that you both miss him and maybe spend some time reminiscing. Sometimes she'll give a different response and you can use that to build a therapeutic fib that enters her reality satisfies and her for the moment, then you distract and redirect.
A friend of mine had a similar situation recently. The mom’s close relative passed. Mom has Alzheimer's. My friend was on the fence on what to do. My friend’s sister wanted to tell the mom.
I told my friend that telling mom will not help her; only put her in a funk. At this point, decisions need to be made to protect her mother. (God bless. The mom passed last week.)
Will the information help your mom or hurt her? Only you know that.
At this point of my journey, I do a lot of white lies. The kind of lies that help my mom get along and make her feel good.
When my dad went to assisted living before he passed, he asked me if he had to stay there. When I nodded yes, it destroyed him. That’s was a life lesson for me.
I'd keep in mind that the reason she continues to try to reach him is because she doesn't remember that she tried to reach him earlier that day. I know that my LO would forget that I was there moments earlier. If I left, then returned because I forgot something a few minutes later, it was like she hadn't seen me in months. I'd try to go with what she will accept and will make her content in the moment. Even if you remind her of his passing, she'll likely keep forgetting, so every time, you would have to remind her and upset her over and over. It's a personal decision, but, I don't see what is to be gained by that. If a person's brain prevents them from processing and properly grieving, then giving them heartbreaking news, seems cruel and pointless to me. Did he ever go on business trips, fishing trips, etc?
"She has a lot of assets and I need info on what to do in order to get some help in paying these bills."
Do you mean she "doesn't" have a lot of assets? What kind of bills does she have? Does she own her own home? There comes a time in their Dementia journey that a AL no longer serves its purpose. My Mom transitioned from the AL to NH easily. But then she was only in the AL 8 months and she needed everything done for her. I found a LTC facility that was so good to Mom. They all have problems but Moms care out weighted them. Mom private paid for two months and then Medicaid took over. At which point she could no longer pay her bills. All her SS went to her care. (Except for $50 put into a PNB acct) Mom still had a house. That meant the taxes weren't paid. I turned off the phone and cable. Had a time set for light to come on at dark, go off at 11pm. Heat was set at 55. I kept electric, water and heat on to sell the house and paid that out of pocket. My DH unplugged the frig and stove and any appliances and tv. TG it sold and all leans were paid and I was reimbursed.
If you are holding down two jobs to pay Moms way, u may want to consider a good LTC facility. If she can pay privately, this is a good way to spend down for Medicaid. But in that "spendown" I don't think any of her money can be spent on bills. Only her personally.
If you can give us an idea of the bills she has, we maybe able to help you.
I like that.
I told my friend that telling mom will not help her; only put her in a funk. At this point, decisions need to be made to protect her mother. (God bless. The mom passed last week.)
Will the information help your mom or hurt her? Only you know that.
At this point of my journey, I do a lot of white lies. The kind of lies that help my mom get along and make her feel good.
When my dad went to assisted living before he passed, he asked me if he had to stay there. When I nodded yes, it destroyed him. That’s was a life lesson for me.
I'd try to go with what she will accept and will make her content in the moment. Even if you remind her of his passing, she'll likely keep forgetting, so every time, you would have to remind her and upset her over and over. It's a personal decision, but, I don't see what is to be gained by that. If a person's brain prevents them from processing and properly grieving, then giving them heartbreaking news, seems cruel and pointless to me. Did he ever go on business trips, fishing trips, etc?
"She has a lot of assets and I need info on what to do in order to get some help in paying these bills."
Do you mean she "doesn't" have a lot of assets? What kind of bills does she have? Does she own her own home? There comes a time in their Dementia journey that a AL no longer serves its purpose. My Mom transitioned from the AL to NH easily. But then she was only in the AL 8 months and she needed everything done for her. I found a LTC facility that was so good to Mom. They all have problems but Moms care out weighted them. Mom private paid for two months and then Medicaid took over. At which point she could no longer pay her bills. All her SS went to her care. (Except for $50 put into a PNB acct) Mom still had a house. That meant the taxes weren't paid. I turned off the phone and cable. Had a time set for light to come on at dark, go off at 11pm. Heat was set at 55. I kept electric, water and heat on to sell the house and paid that out of pocket. My DH unplugged the frig and stove and any appliances and tv. TG it sold and all leans were paid and I was reimbursed.
If you are holding down two jobs to pay Moms way, u may want to consider a good LTC facility. If she can pay privately, this is a good way to spend down for Medicaid. But in that "spendown" I don't think any of her money can be spent on bills. Only her personally.
If you can give us an idea of the bills she has, we maybe able to help you.