What do I do if my mom is frivolously spending her money, and not telling her doctors important health information?

If there is a lot going on, then you need to give more info about that, to get more helpful responses, but per your profile, your Mom is only 63, and unfortunately has heart and post stroke issues, but she is by no means OLD, and unless the stroke has impaired her mental faculties, she should be able to spend her money as she sees fit, and then deal with the consequences!

Heck, I'm 57, and would hate to have any of our 4 kids telling us what to do with our money, as we earned it, right? Just like the fact that at 33-38, we can no longer interfere with their decisions on what to do with theirs!

Now, if your Mom does have some mental impairment, you need to go about this gently, and discuss it with her directly, explaining your concerns regarding her money, and how she needs to budget for her lifetime, and perhaps she would be open to having you help her to set up a budget. Now IF her impairment is severe enough, you may need to go for Guardianship, which isn't an easy process to prove, and can be expensive, but is so important, IF her impairment is significant, but again, you haven't given much information as to advise on that.

It would sure help if you gave more explicit info, as you will not doubt get some great advice on this. Good luck, as I know that you are asking out of Love and Concern of your Moms well being! 

What is "frivolous" in your eyes? Has she done this most of her life? Or is it a new behavior? Can she afford this frivolity? What is her financial status?

Was she recently widowed, or where is her husband?

How do you know she is not telling her doctor important medical information? Can you give us an example?

Is there any evidence at all that Mom may be cognitively impaired?

Your mom is about a decade younger then I. I'm trying to put myself in her place. What if I decide there are certain things I don't want to deal with medically. Should any of my kids be able to sneak behind my back and talk to my medical providers? Umm, no, no I don't think so. I am in my right mind and I am entitled to make my own decisions. Now, if I start developing dementia, that will be a different issue. I would hope the kids I've made my financial and medical POAs would step up in my best interest.

I just bought 3 $40 cake pans. They are lovely. They've already given me a lot of pleasure. I'm a foodie and I love to bake. Many people would consider this a frivolous purchase. They are entitled to their opinion, but they better not try to talk me into agreeing. If any one of my five kids came over and saw the pans and told me how frivolous that use of my money is, I would calmly ask them to leave, and come back when they were ready to respect me as an adult. This is easy for me to say, because I can't imagine it every happening.

So my most essential question is, do you have some reason to suspect Mother is not in her right mind? If not, I guess I don't see that what she spends her money on or what she tells her doctors is any of your business. I don't mean that unkindly. I'm sure that your heart is in the right place and you want only the best for your mother. But looking at it from the mother's side of things, I think you risk damaging your relationship if you don't proceed very carefully.

You send a letter/fax/email to mom's doctor outlining your concerns. Unless your mom has signed a release for you to be given medical information, the doctor can't talk TO you about mom's conditions, but you CAN give information to the doctor.

Are you afraid that mom will run out of money for her care?